How do I discuss male genital integrity without hurting friends who have circ'd? - Page 3

[~Nikki~]

I'm having the same issue and having a really hard time with it. My son is intact, it's the only decision I could ever be comfortable with. Now that I'm pregnant again and with a new partner, he's all for circumcision. I've discussed all my research on the topic with him and thought I had helped him through his "old fashioned" knowledge on the matter.

But then we had friends over. They circumsized. The sad thing is that from our discussions on the topic, I kind of have a feeling the mother was against it but got strong-armed into it. She was backing me on my side of the debate, when the locker room argument came up and I told them that most kids (in our country, at least) are NOT getting circumsized now because they recommend against it, and actually charge for the procedure now. She explained to her husband that there's no medical reason to have it done, and it basically comes down to personal preference these days.

I was totally livid when the father turned and said to me at one point: "Oh, your child WILL be circumsized." Like he has a flipping say at all!!! He's my partner's best friend, and has been pushing him to have it done with fabulous arguments of "the nurses all recommended it because they had their sons done."

I just don't know how to discuss the topic in front of them (because the dad KEEPS BRINGING IT UP). I don't want to hurt the mother's feelings with my strong view on it, but at the same time I really want to give it to the father because he's so freaking ignorant!!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Then give it to him Nikki. Tell him its NOT his baby, he DOES'T have the right to make medical decisions, and he gets NO SAY.

[nerdymom]

Honestly I wouldn't bother with the friend. It sounds like he's an ignorant person more interested in his own machismo and the opinion of other women than his own wife. Take it up with your partner when you two are alone. He will listen better if his friend isn't around, making him feel like he has to prove he isn't "whipped".

[buckeyedoc]

The friend seems awfully defensive about his own circumcision if he pushes other people that hard to have it done to their babies and won't even consider the alternative. Methinks he has a lot invested in believing the decision his parents made for him was the right one...

[~Nikki~]

Oh I agree. It's infuriating to deal with this guy and his smug "I know everything about the penis because I have one" comments. He basically told me that my child is doomed to get AIDS if he doesn't get circumsized. What do you say to that?

Luckily my partner seems to be coming around. I've explained my very valid and well-backed points to him, and he's starting to warm up to the idea. I just feel like this is going to be a war between the friend and I, as we try to win my partner over to each of our sides. =/ Not a fun battle.

[nerdymom]

Honestly, I'd tell my husband straight up - why are you listening to him on this? This is OUR child. And show him information about how circumcision does NOT prevent aids, CONDOMS DO. In the US we are #70 on the CIA World Factbook's HIV/Aids Adult prevalence rate, compared to the Netherlands (where my DH is from), which has legalized prostitution and still comes in at #98. And circ is simply not done (except for religious reasons) there at all.