I had this really coherent, long post written out and something funky happened and its gone.....grrrr....so, in brief, I am wondering about an issue that's come up AGAIN with my parents.
Ever since I was young, my mom has micromanaged my pero=sonal hygiene, grooming, etc. She had lots of rules about what I could and could not wear and even monitored how I brushed my teeth until well into my mid teens. By monitor I mean she would make me open my mouth so she could check and see if they were clean. She would do this in front of other people. At my 10th grade orchestra concert she sent someone on stage to tell me to close my legs because she could see my vagina from her seat. i'm very sure she could NOT....I was wearing underwear and good orchestra posture means my legs weren't exactly spread eagle. Anyway, that's neither here nor there....but she is still doing it and has been doing it again since I've been staying with her the last few days. I'm wondering if it's me being oversensitive.
I beleive I was molested when I was aboput 3, and from my foggy memories it happened in my own home at night. I'm just worred about my ds, but i don't trust myself enough to know when I'm being overboard or overly critical. It just gives me a "ick" feeling the way my mom is so .....aware... of my private body parts.
Example: I get dressed and come out wearing a cami and jeans. just a regular cami with a built in bra, covers my belly, but i guess from bf-ing my boobs kind of sag in it. My mom says, inf ront of my father, "don't walk around like that in front of my husband. Show some respect for your father. I can see your nipples." my dad chimes in," woah, your nipples are hard as rocks. and i can see your stomach." And my mom says, "bend over so we can see if it's long enough."
Would that exchange make you uncomfortable? I find it humiliating. this is not an outfit to go out in, just something I threw on to grab breakfast. Actually I think I slept in the top the ngiht before.
Or.....before leaving the house, my mom says, "turn around so I can see something." i turn around, and she says to my dad, "look....can't you see her underpants through that skirt? That looks like a thong." And insists that i change underwear.
or buys me underpants/bras, unsolicited, and makes me try them on in front of her "to see if they fit". She even bought my FRIEND underpants because she claimed the ones she was wearing didn't fit properly and she could see them through her clothes. I was beyond embarrassed. Amazingly, the friend didn't take offense.
my father tells me to humor her.
When I got back together with my dh last time, my mom asked me if we were having oral or anal sex. Before we got together, when I was just taking ds for a visit, my dad called me on the phone and quezzed me about where I was sleeping (i.e. in the same bed) and then asked me point blank whether I was having sex with him again. This was my HUSBAND.
all of these examples have taken place in the last several months.
Then this weekend, ds was on the potty and my dad walked by and said, "your little ding ding is sticking straight up. don't you know you need to point it down?" I know it was a harmless comment, but it set me on edge. Am i overreacting?
What do you all think? Are most mothers this intimate with their adult daughters?
Ever since I was young, my mom has micromanaged my pero=sonal hygiene, grooming, etc. She had lots of rules about what I could and could not wear and even monitored how I brushed my teeth until well into my mid teens. By monitor I mean she would make me open my mouth so she could check and see if they were clean. She would do this in front of other people. At my 10th grade orchestra concert she sent someone on stage to tell me to close my legs because she could see my vagina from her seat. i'm very sure she could NOT....I was wearing underwear and good orchestra posture means my legs weren't exactly spread eagle. Anyway, that's neither here nor there....but she is still doing it and has been doing it again since I've been staying with her the last few days. I'm wondering if it's me being oversensitive.
I beleive I was molested when I was aboput 3, and from my foggy memories it happened in my own home at night. I'm just worred about my ds, but i don't trust myself enough to know when I'm being overboard or overly critical. It just gives me a "ick" feeling the way my mom is so .....aware... of my private body parts.
Example: I get dressed and come out wearing a cami and jeans. just a regular cami with a built in bra, covers my belly, but i guess from bf-ing my boobs kind of sag in it. My mom says, inf ront of my father, "don't walk around like that in front of my husband. Show some respect for your father. I can see your nipples." my dad chimes in," woah, your nipples are hard as rocks. and i can see your stomach." And my mom says, "bend over so we can see if it's long enough."
Would that exchange make you uncomfortable? I find it humiliating. this is not an outfit to go out in, just something I threw on to grab breakfast. Actually I think I slept in the top the ngiht before.
Or.....before leaving the house, my mom says, "turn around so I can see something." i turn around, and she says to my dad, "look....can't you see her underpants through that skirt? That looks like a thong." And insists that i change underwear.
or buys me underpants/bras, unsolicited, and makes me try them on in front of her "to see if they fit". She even bought my FRIEND underpants because she claimed the ones she was wearing didn't fit properly and she could see them through her clothes. I was beyond embarrassed. Amazingly, the friend didn't take offense.
my father tells me to humor her.
When I got back together with my dh last time, my mom asked me if we were having oral or anal sex. Before we got together, when I was just taking ds for a visit, my dad called me on the phone and quezzed me about where I was sleeping (i.e. in the same bed) and then asked me point blank whether I was having sex with him again. This was my HUSBAND.
all of these examples have taken place in the last several months.
Then this weekend, ds was on the potty and my dad walked by and said, "your little ding ding is sticking straight up. don't you know you need to point it down?" I know it was a harmless comment, but it set me on edge. Am i overreacting?
What do you all think? Are most mothers this intimate with their adult daughters?
I'm so sorry.
Gawd, I'm not comfortable dancing fully clothed in front of people let alone naked
: I had to reassure her I wasn't
Or SHE knows how SHE was when SHE was your age, thinks twice about what she had done, and hopes you don't maker her mistakes
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