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Would this make you uncomfortable? - Page 3

post #41 of 79
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AidansMommy1012 View Post
Oh, mama. It does sound like your parents are predators. It sounds like your mom has some kind of fetish or obsession regarding the whole underwear thing. And it definitely sounds like they are not quite right mentally. I know it sucks and it hurts to have to acknowledge this, but please do, and get out before your son gets sucked into this. This is so very not okay.
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.
post #42 of 79
*hugs* I went through something similar with my mom, but not to this degree. You are not alone.
post #43 of 79
Oh sweetie. You're not crazy. And I'm sure the relationship between you and your parents is complicated. You're still going to love them on some level--they're your parents. But what they are doing is harmful to you and to your son. You can't allow that. You and your son deserve to be safe, to say nothing of privacy and basic RESPECT. Speaking from experience, it can be so hard to distance oneself from a parent, because that means letting go of who you wished your parents had been and acknowledging who they really are. That hurts a lot. But you really do need to do this. For your son's sake if nothing else.
post #44 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

No, it is your mom who is not normal. I think you might want to look into finding a nice therapist to talk to about your mom. of course, I think your mom needs therapy, too, but I can't see that happening! You can only take care of yourself and your DS. Getting therapy and finding out that your relationship with your mother is not normal and doesn't have to be tolerated will go a long way toward healing these emotional wounds. Hugs to you. I hope you get away from her and find a good therapist SOON!
post #45 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.
Did you read that link that I posted? It's about narcissistic mothers and SEVERAL of the things you described were in there.

I know that your situation is confusing right now. I wouldn't do anything drastic at this point. You're teetering on the edge of a place where you land in stability or continue with instability. You need to just stick with the plan for right now. When you get to Georgia, then you can get everything together. Right now, you just need to know how to deal with this.

I have a feeling that Georgia isn't going to turn out like you hope. It sounds like it might be sabotaged or attached to strings somehow. Did you make sure that your name is the only one on the lease? Have your parents made copies of the keys? When you get there, change the locks if you can and if your name is not on the lease, get it on there. Get set up with social services and get a job and work on your independence.
post #46 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post
Did you read that link that I posted? It's about narcissistic mothers and SEVERAL of the things you described were in there.

I know that your situation is confusing right now. I wouldn't do anything drastic at this point. You're teetering on the edge of a place where you land in stability or continue with instability. You need to just stick with the plan for right now. When you get to Georgia, then you can get everything together. Right now, you just need to know how to deal with this.

I have a feeling that Georgia isn't going to turn out like you hope. It sounds like it might be sabotaged or attached to strings somehow. Did you make sure that your name is the only one on the lease? Have your parents made copies of the keys? When you get there, change the locks if you can and if your name is not on the lease, get it on there. Get set up with social services and get a job and work on your independence.
Ditto, and please see if you can find a therapist. Protect your son.
post #47 of 79

Re

NOT NORMAL! It is NOT you who is crazy it is them.
post #48 of 79
OMG, I almost threw up reading the original post. Please trust your instincts. I would move (far far far away) and never ever let DS around her alone, and try and get into therapy. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

The narcissistic mothers link ... it just makes me so incredibly sad that anyone has to deal with that.
post #49 of 79
Quote:
Please trust your instincts.
This, THIS, THIS! If your instincts are up, and trying to warn you, then you need to listen to them.

This post just made my heart sink into my stomach. I feel for you
post #50 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties View Post
The narcissistic mothers link ... it just makes me so incredibly sad that anyone has to deal with that.
For those of us with narcissistic mothers, it was all we ever knew until we left home (if we were lucky enough to escape). Maybe we should start our own tribe.

OP, I'm not familiar with your previous posts or plans for moving to Georgia (?) but if those plans involve taking help from your parents, particularly financial help, I think you should reevaluate them and come up with a way that you can be completely independent.

YOU are not the crazy one here, okay? Your parents sound totally demented. At the very least they have serious sexual issues and a total lack of respect for your boundaries. And it's not innocent behavior, though I'm certain that's how they try to paint it. Like it's for your own good, right? Nonsense. They get off on this behavior. They like to shame you and they enjoy what they are doing. They may also get a sexual release from tormenting you this way.

I'm not trying to retraumatize you but you need to know how very severe and destructive this situation is. Your parents are sexually abusive. Your child is living with two adults who are sexually abusive. This alone is grounds for concern, particularly if someone who is a mandated reporter finds out about your situation. Even though their behavior is not your fault in any way, your child is in danger, and that's what it comes down to. Do you understand what I'm getting at?

I'm so, so sorry. Please lean on your friends and (healthy) family as much as you need to at this time. Unless your ex was abusive too, he would probably be a much safer person to live with than your parents. Please get out of there ASAP. We'll be thinking of you.
post #51 of 79
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
For those of us with narcissistic mothers, it was all we ever knew until we left home (if we were lucky enough to escape). Maybe we should start our own tribe.

OP, I'm not familiar with your previous posts or plans for moving to Georgia (?) but if those plans involve taking help from your parents, particularly financial help, I think you should reevaluate them and come up with a way that you can be completely independent.

YOU are not the crazy one here, okay? Your parents sound totally demented. At the very least they have serious sexual issues and a total lack of respect for your boundaries. And it's not innocent behavior, though I'm certain that's how they try to paint it. Like it's for your own good, right? Nonsense. They get off on this behavior. They like to shame you and they enjoy what they are doing. They may also get a sexual release from tormenting you this way.

I'm not trying to retraumatize you but you need to know how very severe and destructive this situation is. Your parents are sexually abusive. Your child is living with two adults who are sexually abusive. This alone is grounds for concern, particularly if someone who is a mandated reporter finds out about your situation. Even though their behavior is not your fault in any way, your child is in danger, and that's what it comes down to. Do you understand what I'm getting at?

I'm so, so sorry. Please lean on your friends and (healthy) family as much as you need to at this time. Unless your ex was abusive too, he would probably be a much safer person to live with than your parents. Please get out of there ASAP. We'll be thinking of you.
Yep, he was abusive too. he did a lot of the same things: shamiong me in front of others, making me have sex in semi-public/with others watching, on our wedding night he brought me to tears and then took pics of me crying while I undressed. He said it made him "hot" to see me crying and naked. Then he got me pregnant with ds that night.

I have never really been in a real relationship without some kind of mind games going on. I'm not sure I'd know what to do, lol.
post #52 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.
It's confusing, b/c for years growing up you knew nothing else, so to you it seemed normal. That is until as an adult, you got to live away from them and saw how others lived. Now going back, you can see the problem, but it's hard to fully grasp it, since it was what was normal in your childhood.

You feel like you maybe the crazy one b/c that is how they are trying to make you feel. They want you to question your version of realty, so that they can manipulate and control you.
post #53 of 79
Oh, mama. I'm so sorry.

In that case, please give strong consideration to calling this number: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Do it from a payphone if you have to (and take your son with you, of course!). They will be able to talk you through this. They will have a good list of local shelters and resources you can use to get out of there.

You and your son are not safe with your parents. You MUST get him out of there. Please do not delay in getting help.
post #54 of 79
You are not crazy. NOT crazy. And you really, really need to get some help. Seriously. Don't wait, don't see if things will change, don't second guess yourself. You are absolutely NOT crazy.

When I read your thread title and then your posts, I was thinking "uncomfortable" is the understatement of the year. It would Freak. Me. Out. and have me looking for the back door and the nearest police station, frankly. : But I can understand that because you were raised with this, it seems "normal" to you and calling it predatory or abusive is a very scary thing to do. But you will not find any sane person who will tell you that you are the one who's wrong here. Your parents are absolutely, by any definition toxic. Please, please get help and protect yourself.

ETA: adding my voice to those who beg you to never, never, never leave your child alone with them. Ever.
post #55 of 79


Another vote for not normal.
post #56 of 79
I'm so sorry!
You are not the crazy one. Keep on keeping your ds safe, and get out when you can.
post #57 of 79
Never mind - I see the OP explained a bit about her UAV of a stbx.
post #58 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.
Of course she can seem loving and concerned. How else would she be able to get away with this for as long as she has? You feel like you're the crazy one, because she's gaslighting you all the time. The crap with your friend's family is more of the same.

Quote:
Originally Posted by labdogs42 View Post
No, it is your mom who is not normal. I think you might want to look into finding a nice therapist to talk to about your mom. of course, I think your mom needs therapy, too, but I can't see that happening! You can only take care of yourself and your DS. Getting therapy and finding out that your relationship with your mother is not normal and doesn't have to be tolerated will go a long way toward healing these emotional wounds. Hugs to you. I hope you get away from her and find a good therapist SOON!
I second (third, fourth, fifth) this. Talk to a therapist. None of us are saying that because we think you're crazy, either. We're saying it, because you're in the very, very difficult position of trying to figure out how to apply the most basic of boundaries, within a dynamic that's existed for your whole life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post
Did you read that link that I posted? It's about narcissistic mothers and SEVERAL of the things you described were in there.
I was unnerved at how much of that link seemed to be written directly off the OP!

Quote:
I have a feeling that Georgia isn't going to turn out like you hope. It sounds like it might be sabotaged or attached to strings somehow. Did you make sure that your name is the only one on the lease? Have your parents made copies of the keys? When you get there, change the locks if you can and if your name is not on the lease, get it on there. Get set up with social services and get a job and work on your independence.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Get help. Talk to a shelter. Make sure you have some independence in Georgia, and your parents don't have control over your living situation. And, talk to a therapist. There is no part of this that's normal. Your parents are abusing you. They've been setting you up to be abused by that...UAV...that you married, for your whole life. Your concept of normal behaviour is hopelessly skewed by what they've done, and they're still doing it. A therapist will help you see that clearly.
post #59 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.
oh mama that is the typical abuser behaviour. loving and hateful in another way. and the thing is they really believe they are doing the best for you. its all v. messed up.

for instance a dad raping his teenage dd. he kept saying i love you and i am disciplining you for your own good.

so what i am trying to get at is at heart your mom might be genuine you know. she does love you and thinks she is doing the right thing for you.

but that doesnt mean it is right.

no matter what you are now concerned about the safety of your son. i mean lets just say your parents didnt go that far as rapeing you (i am not saying nothing happened - i am just saying the words are bad too). however do you still want your son to hear the things they say - go thru what you went thru?

start by putting some space between you guys now. and then think about total break in the future if things remain the same. just to get the stress of guilt off your back for now.
post #60 of 79
I have not yet read the other replies but I feel this situation is disturbing. There are no boundaries. I would have that ICK feeling everyday around your parents... I have it now after reading your post.

I don't really have any suggestions right now except that you may want to speak up when mom or dad says or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Simply say, "This makes me feel uncomfortable. It is not up for discussion or analysis by you. I can make my own decisions and judgements."

The situation sounds unhealthy and I do not think you are being oversensitive.
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