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Would this make you uncomfortable? - Page 4

post #61 of 79
What would happen if the next time she says something inappropriate about your dress if you said something to the effect of "Mom, I am an adult and my undergarments are no longer your concern. I will not be discussing this again." and left the room? Get out, dear heavens, get out as fast as you can. A shelter is always the last place I recommend because really, who does want to go to one? But it has to be 1000 times better than where you are now. At least you would be SAFE, and your child would be SAFE. You are definitely not safe where you are now. ((Hugs!)) What your parents do is NOT NORMAL by anyone's definition!
post #62 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.
She needs help, plain and simple. I don't come from any inexperience to be able to say so. I was sexually abused by someone I thought very dear to me. That person had a way of making me think they had my best interest at heart, even despite the horrible things I was put through. That facade was enough to prevent me from lashing out against this person. But eventually enough was enough and frankly hun, it ISN'T going to stop until you put your foot down. I get the impression that you comply with her demands in showing her your underwear, etc, etc. STOP! What can she do, kick you out? GOOD! Pull your skirt up herself? Point blank sexual abuse. The only way out is to stand up for yourself, if not for yourself, then for your child.
post #63 of 79
I didn't read all the comments.

I know these are your parents, but, to be honest with you, I would RUN. Far and fast, away from them.

Once I was far away from them, I would write them a letter about how and why those comments bother you. I would also state that I will not be hanging around them at all, unless they proved - consistenly - that they could stop these inappropriate comments.

I'd never leave them alone with any child, just in case.

This is what I would do in your situation. Your dad's comments are, not only uncomfortable, but just plain scary. And your mom crosses WAY too many boundaries.

I'd be getting away, and placing some very restrictive boundaries when it comes to your parents.
post #64 of 79
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post #65 of 79
Disturbing, and so not okay. I hope your parents are never, ever allowed to be alone with your DS, and I hope you're able to get out of their house soon.

ETA: I just read the rest of your posts in this thread, and mama, I'm so sorry about your ex-husband. The healthy part of you knows that what your parents are doing is wrong, and that the times when they appear caring do nothing to erase their abuse. Trust that voice.
post #66 of 79
This does not seem normal. It seems to cross a lot of personal boundaries. I am sure that you aren't in a situation where you can just move, but as soon as you are I think you should.
post #67 of 79
Haven't read the responses.


AAAAAGH!!! That's is all REALLY creepy. For so very many reasons.

And I'm someone who is okay with frank discussions of sex, anatomy, and sexuality.


Edited to add: And now, having read the responses and your other comments- Get Out. Now. Never, ever, ever leave your son alone with them. And find a therapist so they can convince you how crazy/dangerous your family is.
post #68 of 79
No way is this normal!!!! It really sounds like your parents have boundry issues.
post #69 of 79
I clearly sense from your post, that your gut is screaming at you. Your mama-sense is telling you your kid isn't safe there...I'm just so totally glad you're getting out of there.

If you think something happened to you...something happened. Maybe someday you'll figure out the who/what/where/when's of it all...but for now, I think it's safe to assume that you were victimized as a child...and to be honest with you, with the level of creepiness you describe (honey, it's so creepy and NOT normal) I would think that the person who did this to you is in the house still.

s s I'm just so sorry. It's not right, for a person to have to sift through the vague, troubling disturbances from a dark and repressive childhood and wonder what it was that happened to you and who did it. I've been there and it just sucks.

My mother was a lot like you described your mom to be when I was growing up....just, unbelievably repressive and completely controlling of ALL aspects of our lives..even the things that just weren't her damn business..I remember feeling like I didn't own anything...not even my own private moments on the toilet, or my own private parts. I know how hard it is to be an adult child of a parent like that..I think the only thing harder than trying to have a relationship with this person as an adult would be to LIVE with this person as an adult.

Get out, don't go back...these people are bad news and my honest opinion is that there is something wrong with them. This isn't normal, there is no reason why your mother should be so fixated on your body...and it is not right that she would sexualize you like that "Don't walk around like that in front of my husband...your nipples are showing" - a "normal" overbearing mother would wait until you're in the kitchen alone and then says "Dear, don't you think you should put on a bra and a sensible shirt that covers you!" - that's what a normal overbearing mother says...but what she said, was said as if she was talking to some woman who came into the house "acting sexy" in front of her husband/your father. And, then your dad: "Your nipples are hard as rocks!" - something is wrong here, something is WRONG here! NO! It's just weirding me out that your mom would say that in front of your dad at that then he would say what he did and she wouldn't say anything...I'm just, I'm really confused by the dynamics..it's not right. Something is off honey.

I'm really sorry...I'm just really sorry. s
post #70 of 79


You are not crazy. There is something seriously off with your parents & I really hope you'll be able to get them out of your life & realize just how messed up they are.
post #71 of 79
Op, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't even imagine what you are going through.

Are there any other more stable/mentally healthy family members that you can turn to for help? If you lay it all out on the table maybe you could get some support from someone else in your family.

I also agree w/trying to get therapy. I know many places do counseling on a sliding fee scale if money is an issue. Just sorting things out in your mind w/someone to listen and some validation that you aren't crazy would be incredibly helpful to you.

I know it's been written by other posters but please don't leave your child alone w/them even for a second, not at night, not when you are in the shower. Something really bad could happen, and at the very least they could make comments to him about his body, etc that will confuse and shame him.

Stay safe mama!
post #72 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
Yep, he was abusive too. he did a lot of the same things: shamiong me in front of others, making me have sex in semi-public/with others watching, on our wedding night he brought me to tears and then took pics of me crying while I undressed. He said it made him "hot" to see me crying and naked. Then he got me pregnant with ds that night.

I have never really been in a real relationship without some kind of mind games going on. I'm not sure I'd know what to do, lol.

Please try to get counseling.

I grew up in an very emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive home. Therapy helped me a lot just to sort out what is appropriate behavior from others and what is not. I had to re-learn everything about boundaries (and sometimes I still have to work on this) but it really did help.
post #73 of 79
That is so NOT normal. I would RUN fast away from them, they are not healthy and lack any kind of boundaries. I would never leave your child/ren alone with them but your child/ren just being exposed to what they are doing to you is bad too. I'm so sorry.
post #74 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Your mom has been messing with your sexuality for a long time, to a degree that I consider sexually abusive, whether you were physically molested or not.

Honestly, your parents are really sick, and if you weren't used to it, you wouldn't even be asking us about this. I know your life is a mess right now, but get out. Whatever it takes, get out.
Yes, mama. This is sexual abuse. I was flabbergasted when I read your posts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.
A lot of predators have more than one side. That's how they make you feel that you are wrong and crazy. You are NOT crazy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
I clearly sense from your post, that your gut is screaming at you. Your mama-sense is telling you your kid isn't safe there...I'm just so totally glad you're getting out of there.

If you think something happened to you...something happened. Maybe someday you'll figure out the who/what/where/when's of it all...but for now, I think it's safe to assume that you were victimized as a child...and to be honest with you, with the level of creepiness you describe (honey, it's so creepy and NOT normal) I would think that the person who did this to you is in the house still.
Yes, I can read in your posts that you know this is not right but are doubting yourself. Don't doubt yourself.
Since you mentioned the possible abuse in your OP along with the other information I think that even you have linked it to your parents.

This is not right. And not healthy or safe for you or your DS. Get away as fast as you can, mama. I hope you can.
post #75 of 79
Your parents are CRAZY and abusive. Get out of there ASAP

I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I am sick to my stomache reading about what they are doing
post #76 of 79
Um, that sounds completely messed up. I think I'd definitely stop talking to them if it was me...doesn't seem like talking to them about it would do anything.
I definitely wouldn't leave my kids alone with them.
post #77 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
I had this really coherent, long post written out and something funky happened and its gone.....grrrr....so, in brief, I am wondering about an issue that's come up AGAIN with my parents.

Ever since I was young, my mom has micromanaged my pero=sonal hygiene, grooming, etc. She had lots of rules about what I could and could not wear and even monitored how I brushed my teeth until well into my mid teens. By monitor I mean she would make me open my mouth so she could check and see if they were clean. She would do this in front of other people. At my 10th grade orchestra concert she sent someone on stage to tell me to close my legs because she could see my vagina from her seat. i'm very sure she could NOT....I was wearing underwear and good orchestra posture means my legs weren't exactly spread eagle. Anyway, that's neither here nor there....but she is still doing it and has been doing it again since I've been staying with her the last few days. I'm wondering if it's me being oversensitive.

I beleive I was molested when I was aboput 3, and from my foggy memories it happened in my own home at night. I'm just worred about my ds, but i don't trust myself enough to know when I'm being overboard or overly critical. It just gives me a "ick" feeling the way my mom is so .....aware... of my private body parts.

Example: I get dressed and come out wearing a cami and jeans. just a regular cami with a built in bra, covers my belly, but i guess from bf-ing my boobs kind of sag in it. My mom says, inf ront of my father, "don't walk around like that in front of my husband. Show some respect for your father. I can see your nipples." my dad chimes in," woah, your nipples are hard as rocks. and i can see your stomach." And my mom says, "bend over so we can see if it's long enough."

Would that exchange make you uncomfortable? I find it humiliating. this is not an outfit to go out in, just something I threw on to grab breakfast. Actually I think I slept in the top the ngiht before.

Or.....before leaving the house, my mom says, "turn around so I can see something." i turn around, and she says to my dad, "look....can't you see her underpants through that skirt? That looks like a thong." And insists that i change underwear.

or buys me underpants/bras, unsolicited, and makes me try them on in front of her "to see if they fit". She even bought my FRIEND underpants because she claimed the ones she was wearing didn't fit properly and she could see them through her clothes. I was beyond embarrassed. Amazingly, the friend didn't take offense.

my father tells me to humor her.

When I got back together with my dh last time, my mom asked me if we were having oral or anal sex. Before we got together, when I was just taking ds for a visit, my dad called me on the phone and quezzed me about where I was sleeping (i.e. in the same bed) and then asked me point blank whether I was having sex with him again. This was my HUSBAND.

all of these examples have taken place in the last several months.

Then this weekend, ds was on the potty and my dad walked by and said, "your little ding ding is sticking straight up. don't you know you need to point it down?" I know it was a harmless comment, but it set me on edge. Am i overreacting?

What do you all think? Are most mothers this intimate with their adult daughters?
Please don't take offence by the way I say this, but your whole story creeps me out. I would feel uncomfortable around them if they were my parents and I would feel... afraid... to have them alone with my children. Your gut told you to post here and ask for opinions, your gut was telling you something's not right with it. Please listen to your gut.
post #78 of 79
get out of there and don't look back. You DO NOT want your child exposed to this toxicity. It is repetitive, consistent, and definitely NOT normal. I am so sorry for you. Keep us updated. Post in your tribe for a group maybe of like minded moms to hang out with IRLand talk these things through with maybe...you need support.
post #79 of 79
Any update mama? How are you doing?
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