How to talk to pregnant teen about breastfeeding?

[MLA]

My 18 year old niece is pregnant. In talking w/my sister, I've learned that my niece has decided not to breastfeed because she doesn't want to have to get up w/the baby at night. She thinks her boyfriend will be able to take the night feedings. I doubt her boyfriend will even be around, if you know what I mean. But anyway -- that was just to give you an idea of her mindset. She's very immature for her age, and I think she's making decisions about this baby (an unplanned baby, btw) based on what she thinks will be convenient for her. She's in for a world of hurt when she finds out babies are never convenient!

Anyway, I'll be visiting my sister next month and am hoping to take some time to talk w/my niece about breastfeeding (and circing, too -- we don't know the gender yet, and I'm really hoping it's a girl so the circing issue doesn't come up). How should I approach the topic? What sorts of things should I tell her so that she's really educated about the benefits of breastfeeding? Keep in mind that I think I need to also figure out how to convey to her that breastfeeding is actually EASIER than formula feeding.

Any pointers? Tips? I'd really appreciate your advice. Thanks!

[rachelsmama]

I would probably emphasize all the benefits to HER (health, financial, sometimes it's convenient). Even with the benefits for the baby you can swing it as a benefit to her (healthier babies are easier than sick babies). I would also probably steer away from any all-or-nothing type statements. If you can convince her to do short-term, or part-time breastfeeding the baby is better off than with no breastmilk at all. You could point out which of the celebrities breastfeed too.

[LionessMom]

she will still have to get up to feed the baby. but whipping out a boob is easier than measuring and filling and heating, while listening to a baby cry.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by MLA

breastfeeding is actually EASIER than formula feeding.

i would tell her that! back when the peds were making me supplement ds started rooting, dh went to get the formula ready while i started to feed, i had ds fed, on both sides, burped and asleep before the formula was ready

no bottles to lug, no need to find water, nothing to mix or store or clean. I can go about anywhere with 2 diapers and a thing of wipes! lets see FFers do that! no smelly poo or chunky spitup, free.

[weliveintheforest]

Maybe you can just share your own experiences, and make comments like "I was so glad I was breastfeeding and didn't have to get up and make a bottle!"

You could pretend you don't know she is planning to bottle feed and just talk as though you assume she will breastfeed.

You could mention the benefits to her specifically, such as decreased risk of breast cancer, and not getting her period back right away.

Maybe you can get her a book like Dr Sears Baby Book? Do you know if she is planning to take prenatal classes? Maybe she could be encouraged to take some really holistic ones, if you knew of a series in her area. Usually they will talk about the benefits of breastfeeding quite a bit.

[weliveintheforest]

Originally Posted by kriket

no smelly poo or chunky spitup, free.

Oh yes, breastmilk poops and spit up smell much nicer!

[kriket]

Originally Posted by weliveintheforest

Oh yes, breastmilk poops and spit up smell much nicer!

such a strange thing to say but its true! they just smell.... bread-ish? ds almost has no smell at all!

[spicyrock]

Originally Posted by weliveintheforest

You could pretend you don't know she is planning to bottle feed and just talk as though you assume she will breastfeed.

i would definitely talk as though i assumed she would breastfeed. i would act like everyone does it (and i think most people do at least give it a try).

and i would stress how many calories breastfeeding burns off, and how it helps people lose pregnancy weight more efficiently.

good luck- does your sister support breastfeeding? she will likely be an important source of support.

[listipton]

Originally Posted by spicyrock

i would definitely talk as though i assumed she would breastfeed. i would act like everyone does it (and i think most people do at least give it a try).

and i would stress how many calories breastfeeding burns off, and how it helps people lose pregnancy weight more efficiently.

good luck- does your sister support breastfeeding? she will likely be an important source of support.

this is where I would start
I saw your post and started looking up stuff because my sister has a 15 year old stepdaughter (my sister was just married last November) who I think may be on the path to becoming a young mother (I really like this girl, but I think she will have children young and I want to be supportive IF it happens...) and I found this WIC pdf geared towards teens
http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/wichd/nut/pdf/bf00015-s.pdf
maybe if she has something 'official' to look at or watch, you might be able to change her mind....

As for circing- I would watch the Penn and Teller episode with her (since it's fairly hip and 'edgy') and then youtube a circ video so she sees what a circ involves. Also mention that an intact penis is much easier to care for. You just wipe it off

[zinemama]

Good advice here, especially the idea to talk about it as if you assume she'll be bf.

But I would not go too hard on the "breastfeeding is easier" argument. Because it may well be in the long term, but it's often not in the short term. I'd talk about how once you get through that initial learning curve it's so convenient and easy.

But chances are this girl has seen people ff babies and she knows quite well that it's not terribly difficult.

[calpurnia]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Good advice here, especially the idea to talk about it as if you assume she'll be bf.

But I would not go too hard on the "breastfeeding is easier" argument. Because it may well be in the long term, but it's often not in the short term. I'd talk about how once you get through that initial learning curve it's so convenient and easy.

But chances are this girl has seen people ff babies and she knows quite well that it's not terribly difficult.

yeah this. i am really committed to breastfeeding, & i was breastfed & all my family breastfeed blah blah blah. but i am fully aware that had i chosen to formula feed, my life would be much easier now. i could sleep through the night! i could leave my baby for days at a time & spend time with my boyfriend! i could go out with my friends! i'm a young mother & i think these are common reactions amongst young mums in particular (obviously except on mdc where i am sure i will be shot down).

i also would steer well clear of saying anything about how she can breastfeed until the baby self weans. 6 months exclusive is all you are aiming for initially; i've seen mums scared off by people instantly talking about breastfeeding beyond infancy.

[HybridVigor]

If you want to give her any advice, let it be about trusting herself. Any other message has an agenda--which she'll be able to pick up on and be turned off by. If you tell her that her body is beautiful and meant to birth this baby and feed this baby easily and with joy, and that you trust her to make the best decisions with the most positive outcomes for herself and her baby, chances are that you'll be the only one saying that to her.

I was a youngish mom, and I HATED all the advice, as if I wasn't capable of research or knowledge.

So, if you want to support her pregnancy, labor, and transition into motherhood, offer her calm support, your phone number, and perhaps buy her THIS book. I LOVE that book. It's the most wonderful, easy to use, useful, picture-filled, gorgeous BFing book ever.

In short, be supportive of her and offer her information. Be excited about the information you want to share with her. Never couch this information in a, "This is better than that, you should do X, Y or Z" because that's what she's getting from EVERYONE ELSE.

Use personal experience, share excitement, and express your trust in her as a woman and a new mother.

P.S. Gift her some issues of Mothering Magazine. ^__^

[MLA]

Thanks so much for the advice -- especially from the younger mamas. I'll keep it all in mind when I'm talking with her. I think I'll be frank and let her know that she can ask me any questions she may have about birth, breastfeeding, circumcision, infant care, etc. I'm the only one in my family to have given birth in the last 20 years (my siblings are much older than me), so I'm really the only one w/recent experience. And I'll do my best not to "lecture" her. I want to support her and her child, so I definitely don't want to make her feel alienated.

[ChampagneBlossom]

Originally Posted by kriket

i would tell her that! back when the peds were making me supplement ds started rooting, dh went to get the formula ready while i started to feed, i had ds fed, on both sides, burped and asleep before the formula was ready

no bottles to lug, no need to find water, nothing to mix or store or clean. I can go about anywhere with 2 diapers and a thing of wipes! lets see FFers do that! no smelly poo or chunky spitup, free.

Not advocating FF, but that was us too; I never brought a diaper bag with me. I had your stuff, plus a small Ziploc bag of formula powder. It's not like we were lugging around anything that didn't fit in my (small) purse. And we didn't have any spit up, and the poo didn't smell any worse than DD's. Different but not terrible. And how far away was your DH when he went to get formula ready? It takes about two seconds to scoop powder, add water, and shake bottle. :P

I sound super snarky because I'm playing the devil's advocate here. Actually, my advice is to NOT make FF sound so terribly inconvenient. Because honestly, unless you're fanatic and super obsessive about it, it isn't inconvenient. I will admit that it's EXPENSIVE and sometimes you run out. But all the other stuff I think is overblown. The whole "washing bottles" issue, non-issue. Finding water, well geez, how hard IS it to find water or bring along some? Breastfeeding isn't all roses either. You leak and it hurts (sometimes) and you get infections and you have to worry about what meds you can take, supply issues, etc.

I *FULLY* support breastfeeding, I really do. But having had one (medically necessitated) FF baby and one breastfed baby, the conveniences and difficulties balance out IMO. I would still breastfeed in a heartbeat though, BECAUSE, drum roll, it's NATURAL, and it's free, and it's what's best for the baby healthwise. Stress those things. If she has an ounce of humanity in her she'll try to do what's best for the baby. But if you keep stressing how crazysuperhard FF is, it might backfire, especially when she sees how hard BREASTFEEDING can be in those first few days or weeks (even with good support systems) and she switches to the bottle to get a rest, she might think, "oh, this isn't so inconvenient AFTER all, it's MUCH easier". And the real point of it being the best for the baby, is lost.

Just my two cents. :

ETA: I also don't know a teen that isn't at least mildly interested in knowing it all. If you present some facts about how the formula companies are deluding the public, claiming formula is "just as good as breastmilk" or whatever, have some facts to back that up... You might get in with her and she'll feel like she knows more than the average person and thus "rebel" against society through breastfeeding and not believing the formula feeding claims. I'm pretty sure if bf vs ff was presented to me like that as a teen (not that I was making those choices, but if I had been) I probably would have felt good that I knew stuff others didn't. And then I'd probably have told MY friends about it too.

[1littlebit]

i was 19 when i got pg (i'll be 22 in june) so not much older then your niece. so i have some idea of what she might be feeling right now. you seem to really want to help your niece so i am going to be honest with you. please don't take offense to what i say i am just trying to help. i think it is awesome that you want be a source of information and support for her, she will need that! i also believe in the importance of breast feeding, i think it is even more important with unexpected pregnancies.

when i read your post the thing that stands out the most to me is the negativity behind it. you do not seem to have much faith in your niece or her boyfriend. you explain her decision not to breast feed by saying she is immature, the pregnancy was unexpected, and your niece is making decisions about what is convenient for her not what is best for the baby. this is basically what most people think in response to young parents. but try to think of it like this. would you value the opinion of someone who thought you were immature and selfish?

here are my two biggest points. first and most important being young and unexpectedly pregnant does not make her any less of a mother so talk to her like you would if she were 30 and married. always work under the assumption that she is going to be an amazing mother.

the second is that because it is an unexpected pregnancy she didn't have the months of planning most people have to think about how she will mother her child.. she will need a few months to catch up. give her information but she will probably be more ready to talk once baby starts moving. if she is already at that point then just keep talking to her as if she were your best friend and you are sharing your experience. my family endlessly supported me and told me what a wonderful mother i would be (and am now) they absolutely respected my decisions and because of that i respect their opinions and ask their advice.

oo and the third.. if she expects her b/f to stay with her just go with that.. she knows there is a chance he wont.. but thats not something people need to keep reminding her. DP and i had been dating 5 months when i got pg, DS is 16 months now and we are still together.. so it is possible.

so heres how i would (and do) present bfing. remember who your target audience is. don't talk like your teaching an infant development class. everyone knows breast is best your not going to win her over with nutritional information. you have got to make it sound Cool!

try and sell the whole AP package (it makes more sense that way)

co sleeping and nursing is much easier then FF roll over latch on back to sleep

FF is to much money and work who wants to spend all day washing bottles?

wraps and slings are sooo much cuter then those bulky strollers!

you could just pop baby in the sling and stick a diaper in your purse to go out. she can nurse in the sling no problem! no bulky diaper bag and PITA bottles.

don't forget the weight loss!

i think girlmom.com has some stuff on how great breastfeeding is. there was also a post while ago about a pro breastfeeding website with young moms. oo and show her all the hilarious nursing themed onesies (i like mother sucker)

btw i am being totally serious remember your target audience. take her shopping for nursing bras and nursing shirts, play up the convenient thing... etc. she needs friends right now, be that friend, be supportive, treat her as an equal... the closer you are the more likely she will be to listen

if you think she needs to hear it from someone closer to her peer group PM me. i can make breast feeding sound like the coolest thing on the planet.

if it makes you feel any better my son is intact even though we were young and he was unplanned.. dp is circd but when i said there was no medical reason he said we wouldn't do it he is also against infant ear piercing. teens are big on personal choice.. tell her it should be his decision not hers.

[1littlebit]

Originally Posted by ChampagneBlossom

ETA: I also don't know a teen that isn't at least mildly interested in knowing it all. If you present some facts about how the formula companies are deluding the public, claiming formula is "just as good as breastmilk" or whatever, have some facts to back that up... You might get in with her and she'll feel like she knows more than the average person and thus "rebel" against society through breastfeeding and not believing the formula feeding claims. I'm pretty sure if bf vs ff was presented to me like that as a teen (not that I was making those choices, but if I had been) I probably would have felt good that I knew stuff others didn't. And then I'd probably have told MY friends about it too.

: again sell it to your audience. she's a teen you have to think like a teen. make it cool! if she's into the rebel idea you could mention that you carry a card with your states laws about NIP b/c some people are so ignorant they think you should not be allowed to NIP. nursing is your god given right and you will feed your baby when she needs to be fed and no one has the right to say anything about it. i am a bit confrontational and i like this aspect of NIP. it makes my day when someone gives me the privilege of correcting the gross misconception that they have a right ask a nursing mother to move or cover up.

[1littlebit]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Good advice here, especially the idea to talk about it as if you assume she'll be bf.

But I would not go too hard on the "breastfeeding is easier" argument. Because it may well be in the long term, but it's often not in the short term. I'd talk about how once you get through that initial learning curve it's so convenient and easy.

But chances are this girl has seen people ff babies and she knows quite well that it's not terribly difficult.

i agree totally with the first line.. just assume she is bfing until she corrects you.. which is a good opener to say why you would bf.

she probably has no realistic idea of the time and money that go into FF. i think it is a PITA and i would never do it again if i could avoid it.

oo and yes to the trusting herself thing... her body was made to this ... she will be a wonderful mother and she should trust herself completely. if you have faith in her she will have faith in herself.. and in you.

[SpiderMum]

- Breastfeeding during the night is so much easier than FF.
- The health benefits for her.
- How it helps you drop the baby weight.
- The expense of FF.

[MLA]

1littlebit -- thank you so much for your perspective. You're right that my OP was somewhat negative. I admit that I wasn't thrilled that my niece got pregnant nor that she chose to keep the baby. I've been trying to work through those feelings. She really is very immature, and I was afraid for her. But she's also very, very loving, and I know her father and my sister (she's my sister's stepdaughter) will support her. I know she'll love her baby. And I realize that now there's a baby coming, and that no matter what, it's a blessing.

I also know that she doesn't have anyone around her to help her get her head around all the info out there. I'm hoping I can be that person for her.

[1littlebit]

trust me getting pg can age you. i feel decades older then my friends...i think i aged 10 yrs in 9 months. i have recently discovered i have much more in common with two of my friends who are each getting married in a few weeks. its the first time in a long time i have felt close to someone my age besides DP and my best friend.