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PLEASE help... I am desperate now! - Page 3

post #41 of 47

walkie talkies

If things have been going ok the past few nights, these might be more of a distraction than a help. I did get a pair, thinking it would help when I want to go to the basement to do laundry (because ds doesn't like to be alone and doesn't want to come with me, either). And it does help. BUT, every two seconds, he asks me where I am and what I'm doing.
post #42 of 47
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
Again... thank you so much for your input and sympathy!

For the past 2-3 weeks, I have been consistently staying in the living room every night and he knows that will be the norm from then on out.

As I said, some nights are easy with him only getting up once and some nights are miserable and he gets up 5+ times!

Perhaps with time, it will start to even out.

I am seriously considering going and getting walkie-talkies. One of his greatest anxieties is that he cannot hear me and I cannot hear him. What do you think?

Or, should I just continue to stay on course?
Well, personally I'd not get the walkie-talkies. Would getting send the subtle messages that 1. you don't really think he's OK going to bed on his own when you're not right there, thereby making him feel more insecure about it? and 2. undermine his developing sense of consistency based on the new guidelines you've given him?

Also, is your house or apartment really so large that if he really needed you he couldn't call out and get you? Unless you live in an exceptionally large home or one with three levels or something, I can't imagine what benefit walkie-talkies would be except to provide an even easier way for him to get your attention.

You're a single mom, and you said you need that downtime in the evening. That is a totally valid need. We all need a break, and we can't parent as well if we don't have some time to recharge. Would walkie-talkies infringe on your down time and prolong your ds's time to fall asleep? I know that I would hate being summoned on a walkie talkie every few minutes!

One other thought - have you ever had walkie-talkies? We've had cheap ones and medium (like $70) ones, and they were AWFUL. If they were left on (which they had to be if you wanted to be able to talk to the other one when you wanted), they crackled and were really loud and staticky. The call button on both sets was a really loud beep, which was not at all conducive to either falling asleep or relaxing around the house.

I'm glad last night went well for you!
post #43 of 47
Thread Starter 
Last night did go very well and he woke up VERY proud of himself asking for a sticker on the calendar.

I had told him previously that if he was responsible with his sleeping (not staying up late by getting up over and over again) for 4 nights in a row, then he could stay up late (an extra hour -- 9pm) on the weekend.

We'll see how tonight goes. :
post #44 of 47
Is there a different reward, other than the exact thing you're wanting to prevent?

Just a thought...especially since you're in the early phases of trying to get peaceful sleep earlier.

I'm learning a lot from this thread, thank you!
post #45 of 47
Originally Posted by pigpokey View Post
If you are OK being the boss I would just tell him how it is going to be (what you need him to do) and then be prepared to spend several nights in a row walking him without comment back to his bed. No talking, no interaction. It's very unlikely that if you are persistent and consistent in your response (walking him back without talking) that he will keep it up past a few days.
Yup. We have done that, but I just tell the kids, "I realize [name their issue], but it is bedtime. We can deal with that tomorrow. Goodnight. Do not get up again."
post #46 of 47
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post

I also do the "It is your bedtime and you belong in your bed. I love you. Goodnight." But, after the 5th time, I am not saying anything because I am angry and afraid of what might come out of my mouth.
Oh, I hear you on this. This same scenario happens in our house w/ our 7 & 9 yr olds. SO frustrating!!

Is it anxiety getting to sleep? Is it trouble sleeping?

We use melatonin for trouble getting to sleep and Rescue Remedy for anxiety. It seems that he may have anxiety. I would try the Rescue Remedy and see if it helps.
post #47 of 47
I just wanted to add...
1.) It really helps our son to be TIRED at bedtime. Lots of physical play. Lots of natural sunlight on skin and eyes. If he goes to bed after a rainy day of lazing around, well... it's not so great. It's also not great if he is so exhausted he falls over. But going to bed after at least (for him, a few hours) or exercize and being outside that day really helps.

2.) I don't think walkie-talkies deminish your "course" or the sense that you are sending the message "Its bedtime now". Heck, I like my cell phone. I can call my husband, my mom, my sister... Whenever I need to hear them, to know I'm not alone. Just KNOWING that he can talk to you might be enough. And the fact that it sends a message of "I'm always here" is important.

3.) Sometimes, its the "pushing away" that makes them want it so bad. Inevitably, when I am the most frustrated and need a minute to myself and some personal space is when my son wants to be right on my lap. Its because he senses that I am pushing him away and he wants to know that everything is OK, so he wants to be closer to be reassured. He may be responding to your desperation (in which you really want to be alone, but he wants to be with you because he wants the reassurance). I found that often, the harder I push, the worse it gets. The trick is to do it without making it feel like a rejection, an unsettlement, or that something is upsetting you. Sending the message "Ah, no big deal..." is important. If he doesn't do it with others or in other places with you, he might just be responding to the tension around the situation and is seeking your reassurance because he knows that something is wrong.

I'm glad to hear things seem to be going well!
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