My toddler keeps hurting my pets! Help!

[LenasMommy]

My DD is just about 2 and a half. She has always been an animal person. She's naturally drawn to them. However, she cannot be gentle with them. She can be downright mean to them. For example, one cat in particular is used when she's angry. She'll run and kick the cat or swipe at her. She constantly pulls on our dogs tail and hits him too. We have kittens right now (about 3 months old) and she lays on top of them, throws them, kicks them, puts them in her play kitchen oven, squeezes them extremely hard like she's hugging them and laughs etc.. You name it. If she thinks she is about to get caught, she does what she was planning on doing, but more forceful (she does this with anything really). I am at my wits end. I have tried everything to get her to be gentle. But she thinks its funny. She just giggles and moves along to terrorize the next pet.

Thankfully our pets are awesome with her. They have never growled or tried to bite her. She is nicer to our elderly dog, a black lab. However, she does randomly get upset with him if he tries to get on the couch when she doesn't want him to. She'll run over yelling "NO!!!" and try to push him off. Its completely random.. It's not like he is going to sit on anything of hers. She just decides he can't sit there.

I feel like I'm constantly telling her to stop, be gentle, no!!, be nice, please don't hurt the kitten, etc. ALL.DAY.LONG. We are looking for homes for the kittens, but we'll still have the two dogs and the cat she takes her anger out on. Any suggestions? I might want to add that my DD has Sensory Integration Disorder and has seen an OT since she was one. She also sees a play therapist. Please, help? anything? how should I discipline her for this?

Edited to add: I also wanted to add that I have tried time out frequently, but it hasn't helped.

[rhiandmoi]

Have you spoken to the OT specifically about the acting out in anger against the pets? I would start there. Some amount of "rough" treatment of pets is normal for toddlers, which is why they can't be left alone together, but taking out anger or purposely being mean is another thing. It may be something that the therapist can work with her on more specifically.

[boigrrrlwonder]

I've never seen my DD act out towards the animals in anger, but I've definitely seen my two year old be mean to my parents' animals - and know she's being mean. Mostly, I've found with my DD, that that behavior comes from how she likes to chase them - and this is the best way she's found to instigate that kind of game.

We don't have pets. I'm allergic to cats and dogs, so maybe this advice isn't realistic, but can you keep her and the animals separated? When I go to my parents, we keep the cats on one floor of the house and the dogs outside (originally to help with my allergies). I just try to keep my daughter away from them. No matter how much I tell her to be gentle or other family members show her how to pet the animals and what it sounds like when they're happy or mad, she just isn't ready to process that kind of information or doesn't have the impulse control. Separating has been the gentlest option. Eventually, she'll be old enough to learn how to treat animals with respect.

[dubfam]

Don't leave her alone with the animals and talk to the OT. It is good that you are getting rid of the kittens. I know it is hard to keep them separated but it isn't safe for your daughter or your animals.

How do you know she is doing it out of anger? Most 2 year olds are pretty rough with animals...it could be a normal phase that she will outgrow. How long has she been doing it?

[Mama Mko]

I would separate them unless I could sit right beside her every moment she's near the animals.

I don't think this is really a discipline issue. I think it's something she'll learn with time. She needs constant supervision when she's around the animals and she needs reminders that she can't play with the dog unless she's gentle, etc.

Good luck!

[foreverinbluejeans]

Effective discipline (without violence) is the goal. Sometime you have to be tough. Next time she hurts one of the pets, pick her up and look in her eyes and say, "I will not allow you to hurt kitty."

Explaining the importance of being gentle is beyond the understanding of a 2 year old.

What's up with her being angry? A 2 year old shouldn't be angry and taking it out on the pets. Getting to the source of her anger may be key.

There should be a safe place for the pets to go - crates, a high place for the cat, a room.

[LenasMommy]

Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. I have already mentioned it to the OT, but I will ask her again this afternoon. I have placed the kittens in a safe room. If she does go near them, she is carefully supervised.

With the older cat, she only takes her frustration out of her whenever I tell her she can't do something or have something. The cat always seems to be near her so instead of hitting me, she hits her. She is the same way with biting. We used to have a MAJOR issue with biting me all the time. Then she started to bite objects instead of biting me. Thankfully, she has learned to channel that urge into something else now.. which might be the animals. She can be sweet to them when she happy though.. She just doesn't understand how strong she is, or how rough she can be.

thank you again for reading and replying!