Catholic Moms: First Communion?

[momtokea]

Ds will be having his first communion on June 20. Three years ago both dd's had their first communion on the same day and we planned a big bbq in our backyard and invited all our family. There was a family issue on dh's side that caused a great deal of tension and hurt feelings and ever since then relations have been very strained with some family members.

Now with ds's first communion I am leaning towards keeping it just with the immediate family -- the five of us going to mass and maybe having a special dinner afterwards or something.

I'm feeling a bit guilty, though, not having some sort of celebration for him. I'm an RCIA Catholic, so wasn't raised doing these things and dh isn't much help as he just shrugs his shoulders whenever I mention it.

What do you do for first communion? Anything? What is the norm?

[Bluegoat]

Does your son have any feelings about what he would like to do? I bet if you went to eat some place he loves, and had a cake, he'd be really happy with that.

[momtokea]

Well, I was thinking of something along the lines of Chuck E. Cheese because he loves it there and we almost never go there. He would be happy with a special meal out just about anywhere, or a backyard bbq with family would probably be fun for him, too.

I guess my biggest question is how obligated are we to invite other family? or is it okay to keep it closed to just the five of us? I don't plan to tell anyone about it either. My family is not Catholic so it won't make any difference to them, although they happily come to all our church celebrations, baptisms, etc. But inviting some of dh's family and not others will create a drama I just don't want to deal with. On the other hand, inviting them all will create a drama I just don't want to deal with. I can't win, so I'm leaning towards not inviting anyone.

[Fay]

You are absolutely not obligated to invite anyone. For my sons' double baptism/first Communion, I invited my dad (he was their godfather) and my sister, who declined the invitation. I didn't invite my mother or any other siblings or aunts, uncles, etc.

[elmh23]

Just go out to dinner with the five of you. Someplace your son picks and make sure you get dessert.

[enkmom]

I had a cake and punch reception at our house and invited everyone. The party was only for 1 hour, with clearly stated start and end times. I only invited the grandparents to the Mass, and not everyone accepted the invitation to the reception. By the time any ugliness got started, the party was over. That way, my children each got their own party and then we went out to a nice quiet dinner just the four of us. I think it was the best of both worlds, and no one could prolong the drama by wondering why they weren't invited to the party.

[xekomaya]

Whatever works for your family is totally fine. It's an event of spiritual significance before social significance. I agree you should ask your son what he would like.

One thing that might be a good choice is to have a small reception in the parish hall after Mass. Invite parishioners, other children's families to stop by, etc. There is an important communal aspect to the Sacrament so that would be one way to recognize it within the community. I don't see any need to try and celebrate with non-Catholic and particularly non supportive family.

[Rosehip]

It definitely doesn't need to be a big bash. I think I just had immediate family plus godparents (who were an aunt and uncle).