How do you get help when you can't leave the kids?

[tsfairy]

I sought help for PPD a little over a year ago when DS2 was around 7mo. At that time I started taking meds and seeing a therapist and was doing pretty well for a couple of months. I'd take DS2 to therapy with me, and DS1 would stay with my sister. It was difficult to coordinate, but it soon became impossible when DS1 started refusing to go anywhere without me except with DH (who works during the day.) So I stopped going to therapy and support group, but I stayed on my meds and stayed more stable than not, though still with many many many bad days.

I weaned myself off the meds about 3 months ago for many reasons and have been ok more than not, but I still have my bad days and I feel like I really could use someone to talk to so I'd like to start seeing a therapist again. Problem is, what do I do with the kids? Now both kids have major separation anxiety and won't spend any time away from me except with DH, who of course still works during the day.

Anyone with a similar issue and how did you make it work?

[lisasaurus]

i found a counselor who works in the evening, and it has been the perfect solution for our family. i see her at 6 or 7 after my husband gets home from work. any chance you can find someone like that?

[tsfairy]

Evenings are a great idea. I know the counselor/group I was seeing before did not have evening hours but maybe I can find someone else. Big problem is I need to see someone who will do low-cost/sliding scale and that limits my options considerably.

[Brinestone]

I babysat a lot when I was a teenager, and one of the kids I watched had extreme separation anxiety like what you're describing. I don't know how old your older son is, but he seems a little too old to be refusing to be away from you. He can learn to be away from you and have a good time, and for your sanity, you need to be away from him sometimes, especially with your husband.

Here's what the girl's mom and I did to help her work through her anxiety.

Day 1: I came over to play with her. For half an hour, her mom played with us. Then she left the room to do housework for half an hour. When that went well, mom went on a walk around the block (10 minutes). The little girl had a screaming fit so intense she threw up. We decided to go a little slower.

Day 2 (not the next day, but the next time): I played with the little girl again with Mom in the house.

Day 3: Mom and Dad had to go somewhere for about an hour. I stayed with the little girl while she cried at the door to the garage. I patted her back and kept reassuring her that her parents would be back soon. I also kept offering activities to her: "Do you want to go play outside? Do you want to play with play-doh? Do you want to do a puzzle?" All very calm, and I let her have as much space as she needed.

Day 4: Basically a repeat of day 3, except a longer period of time. After about an hour, she decided she wanted to go outside. Once I got her away from the garage door, she was just fine. We played and had fun until her parents got back.

Day 5: No problems whatsoever. After that, she always had something she wanted to show me when I came over. We played and had snacks and just had fun.

I would take the time to teach your children how to have fun without you. It will be good for them come kindergarten and will allow you to recharge your batteries so you can be a better mom.