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Breasts as sexual objects just doesn't make sense anymore. - Page 3

post #41 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by ILoveSweetpea View Post
Again, so so much of this could be my own issues/fears/hangups.
I think you are probably right there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ILoveSweetpea View Post
I wanted to add that another reason someone may nurse when there is no milk is to get the supply up. In my early nursing days I had to nurse every other hour, even if there wasn't much (if any) milk in order to get my supply level up as high as possible.
I have no knowledge of when the babe empties the breast. If he isn't done, he isn't done.
post #42 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by ILoveSweetpea View Post
Breasts are highly sexualized, including the fact that lots of men like to "suck" on women's breasts. I can't even type that without it disturbing me! Again, so so much of this could be my own issues/fears/hangups.
Gently, I do think this has to do with your hang ups. I think it's pretty normal for some women to not like their breasts to be touched while they're lactating (although I think it's just as normal for women to like to have their breasts touched and even suckled sexually by their partners while lactating or not). It's fine to not enjoy sexual breast play even when not lactating, but the fact that you get so skeeved by the thought of something that's really pretty standard in the modern sexual lexicon does seem a little extreme to me. In any case, plenty of men enjoy having their nipple stimulated as a part of sex as well, so I don't think this has much to do with the sexualization of breasts - breasts are sexual in some contexts and not in others. You mentioned getting kisses on the neck - the neck isn't generally seen as a sex organ, but it doesn't mean it can't be enjoyed in that way.
post #43 of 98
Thank you ladies so much for answering that. I'd been wanting to ask but I didn't want anyone to get all upset.

So it comforts the babies- got it. But what about the mother?

If one is used to that feeling as a "oooweee feel good" feeling how is one supposed to turn that off because it's not like you are feeling it on purpose? I think this is one reason some women never try because they can't wrap their minds around how this works.

If it feels good are you supposed to be ashamed? Does that make you a bad person? Or do you just say, yes it feels good, and it feels good in the same way but its different because I'm not thinking about it like that?
post #44 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by kriket View Post
nak

i guess i am one of the people that can multi task my boobies! i love my milky boobs! dh does too as long as they don't milk on him.

i don't have a problem with breasts being sexual, but they are more then just for play! they have a job to do too. i find hands sexy but i don't think everyone should wear gloves to protect my delicate sensibilities.

all work and no play makes the milk trucks cranky
I totally agree!

How come hands can be sexual and perform sexual acts....but no one cares if we see hands in public!

Or ears

Or legs

Or feet

etc etc etc

I have no problems "switching" between the two functions of my breasts and I find the anti-breastfeeding arguments to be quite patriarchal.
post #45 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
Thank you ladies so much for answering that. I'd been wanting to ask but I didn't want anyone to get all upset.

So it comforts the babies- got it. But what about the mother?

If one is used to that feeling as a "oooweee feel good" feeling how is one supposed to turn that off because it's not like you are feeling it on purpose? I think this is one reason some women never try because they can't wrap their minds around how this works.

If it feels good are you supposed to be ashamed? Does that make you a bad person? Or do you just say, yes it feels good, and it feels good in the same way but its different because I'm not thinking about it like that?
I have heard this before and will be completely honest: I have NO idea.

I have never felt anything even slightly sexual when BFing my daughter.

In fact, a few times I've had to latch her on to keep her asleep while we were DTD and it was not even related to what we were doing.

So obviously women are out there with sensitive nerve endings...or perhaps confused nerve endings? And I never know what to say to them.
post #46 of 98
So it comforts the babies- got it. But what about the mother?

Generally, mother is comforted because kid isn't screaming . Or, she feels like she wants to jump out of her skin because it's annoying, but mpthers tend to do a lot of unpleasant things because their kids need it (like change a new eater's diaper. Ick.)


If one is used to that feeling as a "oooweee feel good" feeling how is one supposed to turn that off because it's not like you are feeling it on purpose? I think this is one reason some women never try because they can't wrap their minds around how this works.

It is a completely different feeling (for me) than a sexual one. Like, if my husband kisses my neck, it's way different than if one of my kids does. It's not really a conscious turning off the feeling.
post #47 of 98
About the mutual-respect thing: Some folks (it mainly seems to be conservative religious folks) feel public breastfeeding is only discrete if you drape a blanket over your baby or young child's head.

Since my girls didn't like having their heads draped, I would just lift my top and nurse them. I saw this as discrete because my breast and any exposed skin was usually covered by my nursing child. Someone might occasionally get a glimpse of something during latch on or latch off -- but it would only be for a moment.

I guess I still should have brought a cover-up for anyone who wated to drape their own head while I was breastfeeding, huh?

I guess the mutual-respect idea seems slanted in favor of the adults. The people who promoted covering-up felt I should either "make" my child cover up, or refuse to nurse her in public.
post #48 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
I guess I still should have brought a cover-up for anyone who wated to drape their own head while I was breastfeeding, huh?
post #49 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
Thank you ladies so much for answering that. I'd been wanting to ask but I didn't want anyone to get all upset.

So it comforts the babies- got it. But what about the mother?

If one is used to that feeling as a "oooweee feel good" feeling how is one supposed to turn that off because it's not like you are feeling it on purpose? I think this is one reason some women never try because they can't wrap their minds around how this works.

If it feels good are you supposed to be ashamed? Does that make you a bad person? Or do you just say, yes it feels good, and it feels good in the same way but its different because I'm not thinking about it like that?
It's just not the same. You are mentally in a different place. It's not really something that can easily be put into words. You just have to be a nursing mama to understand the difference. KWIM? Once you your life takes you to that point you will understand better.
post #50 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama View Post
It's just not the same. You are mentally in a different place. It's not really something that can easily be put into words. You just have to be a nursing mama to understand the difference. KWIM? Once you your life takes you to that point you will understand better.
Think about it like this - do you feel all hot and bothered at the gynecologist when s/he is examining your vulva/vagina or demonstrating how to do a breast exam? I sure don't. As tayndrewsmama says, it's just not the same.
post #51 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
Think about it like this - do you feel all hot and bothered at the gynecologist when s/he is examining your vulva/vagina or demonstrating how to do a breast exam? I sure don't. As tayndrewsmama says, it's just not the same.
: Exactly. I think something that people who haven't nursed at all can't understand the difference because they haven't experienced it. Once you are can understand the difference you can also begin to understand the extreme offense that nursing mamas take when someone suggests that they are being inappropriate by nursing in public.
post #52 of 98
Let's keep in mind that while it's fine to talk about your own personal level of comfort when it comes to nursing and discretion, we don't host threads that state or hint at the idea that all women should cover up, be discreet, nurse away from others, etc. MDC hosts conversations on successful breastfeeding, and we need to recognize that every woman is going to nurse in the way that works best for her.
post #53 of 98
Where are all these women who flash people?

This came up elsewhere...where people were justifying their request that women be discreet when BFing because some huge number of women are so flagrant about it.

I have never in my life seen another woman's boobs in public while BFing. Ever. Anywhere.

I've seen plenty in general in public, but never attached to BFing. :

You listen to these people talk about "those flamboyant breastfeeding women" and you get this weird image, as if these flabby, lactating, tired mothers are chasing after these poor public victims, spraying them or something. I dunno. Weird.
post #54 of 98
I agree that other people's comfort with my BFing is not even on my radar. And they should be quiet about their discomfort. My child has a right to eat. So far as I can tell the right to not be uncomfortable is not guaranteed anywhere.
post #55 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama View Post
It's just not the same. You are mentally in a different place. It's not really something that can easily be put into words. You just have to be a nursing mama to understand the difference. KWIM? Once you your life takes you to that point you will understand better.
For some women it does feel the same whether they want it to or not. Seeing how this is supposed to be dealt with as for what is normal and what is not could have some impact on my future decisions. Thus the reason I want to discuss it.

I get that some women feel nothing, it hurts, it's not the same. But that's not true for everyone thus the reason this is interesting to me. A person doesn't necessarily have to be thinking sexually to experience sexual feelings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
Think about it like this - do you feel all hot and bothered at the gynecologist when s/he is examining your vulva/vagina or demonstrating how to do a breast exam? I sure don't. As tayndrewsmama says, it's just not the same.
As for the gyno, that's not even the same motions, at least not from my experience. The hands and tools don't do the same things as other acts. Though I'm sure some women might have reactions to that, but I can't say that I would be able to make those comparisons. Whereas on the other hand, suckling is suckling.

I get that for most it's totally different. But I guess I wanted to discuss the biology of it all and how someone mentioned getting the same hormones and feelings from both acts.

And to avoid anyone wasting their time getting upset and flaming things that I've heard and read time and time again, allow me to quote myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post

Of course no one has to do that, but then again no one has to be quiet if someone is making them uncomfortable.
I know it's a touchy topic. To each her own. I am not commenting to argue. I am commenting to understand what I can and answering questions that were directly asked. Nowhere did I criticize anyones choices. So let's keep it calm like it has been as I have no interest in bf arguments and that is not the point of this thread.
post #56 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
For some women it does feel the same whether they want it to or not. Seeing how this is supposed to be dealt with as for what is normal and what is not could have some impact on my future decisions. Thus the reason I want to discuss it.

I get that some women feel nothing, it hurts, it's not the same. But that's not true for everyone thus the reason this is interesting to me. A person doesn't necessarily have to be thinking sexually to experience sexual feelings.
Have you tried changing foreplay? I noticed you mentioned that the "act" was the same so it had the same feelings/emotions attached to it. Maybe changing it up a bit will help your body feel a boundary of sorts?
post #57 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
I know it's a touchy topic. To each her own. I am not commenting to argue. I am commenting to understand what I can and answering questions that were directly asked. Nowhere did I criticize anyones choices. So let's keep it calm like it has been as I have no interest in bf arguments and that is not the point of this thread.
You wanted everyone to be mutual respectful. I asked what you considered mutual respect. Your answer was unrealistic therefor your wish for mutual respect will not happen as you are not being understanding or respectful (If you feel you don't have to be quiet) but you are demanding respect for your comfort level in return.
post #58 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
For some women it does feel the same whether they want it to or not. Seeing how this is supposed to be dealt with as for what is normal and what is not could have some impact on my future decisions. Thus the reason I want to discuss it.
Well, perhaps you should be asking those rare few who get sexually aroused while nursing how they deal with it. This thread wasn't started about that. Maybe another thread with a title of "If you are sexually aroused when breastfeeding, how do you handle it?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
I get that some women feel nothing, it hurts, it's not the same. But that's not true for everyone thus the reason this is interesting to me. A person doesn't necessarily have to be thinking sexually to experience sexual feelings.
I am not so sure you do get it really. I have been raped and while those times were a flagrant sex act, I was not aroused. I have had my father accidentally elbow me in a breast and I was not aroused. Need I go on?



Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
As for the gyno, that's not even the same motions, at least not from my experience. The hands and tools don't do the same things as other acts. Though I'm sure some women might have reactions to that, but I can't say that I would be able to make those comparisons. Whereas on the other hand, suckling is suckling.
IME, and I have had a enough, men do not 'play' with breasts the way a nursing infant or child suckles. It's not the same at all.
post #59 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
Seeing how this is supposed to be dealt with as for what is normal and what is not could have some impact on my future decisions. Thus the reason I want to discuss it.
Wait, am I understanding that you haven't breastfed a child? Are you asking to help you research making a decision?
post #60 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
You wanted everyone to be mutual respectful. I asked what you considered mutual respect. Your answer was unrealistic therefor your wish for mutual respect will not happen as you are not being understanding or respectful (If you feel you don't have to be quiet) but you are demanding respect for your comfort level in return.
Actually my answer was to the two posts that asked what I considered to be discrete. That's what I was talking about. I wasn't saying this is what you must do to have respect...that's silly!
I know what I said, and I know what I meant. I don't always directly quote; especially when its two different posts. You can either choose to accept my clarification, or not. This is online, not face to face, sometimes things are misunderstood, but like I said, this is what I meant so take it or leave it. It's really not that serious and as you should be able to tell I'm not trying to argue and I'm not going to, but I will clarify.

I think I've gotten all of the answers I'm going to get on the first two pages. We are winding down now. Thanks everyone for the 411.
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