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Breasts as sexual objects just doesn't make sense anymore. - Page 4

post #61 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
You don't have to strip naked to not be discrete. I've seen lots of non-discrete bf pictures that were taken in public places. But everyone has a different definition on discretion.

I feel that mutual respect should run rampant. I know that's not popular in this society, but it would help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
What do you consider non-discrete then? Really? Cause I have never seen, pictures or otherwise, people being overtly non-discrete nursing. Some people consider it in-discrete to not cover your baby up with a blanket so you are completely covered. I find that rediculous. I am not going to make me and my baby uncomfortable while feeding him so you don't get (general you) disturbed by the sight of some skin. Honestly unless you have both boobs hanging out and your shirt up to your chin (as we all sometimes do at home ) while at the park I don't see a problem with seeing some skin.

As for mutual respect. Yea it should go both ways. The problem is, I don't necessarily agree with what you might think is respectful and vice versa.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
Actually my answer was to the two posts that asked what I considered to be discrete. That's what I was talking about. I wasn't saying this is what you must do to have respect...that's silly!

I think I've gotten all of the answers I'm going to get on the first two pages. We are winding down now. Thanks everyone for the 411.
Your response was to this post. Both of which mention discretion and mutual respect hand in hand.
post #62 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
I understand that some people feel no obligation to be considerate of others feelings in terms of making a situation uncomfortable. I am not at all saying that's you, I just know that a lot of people would say- who cares!

Women who do try to understand that others may not be comfortable might wear clothing that makes nursing so discrete that no one knows they are doing it, they might wear some sort of tank under their shirt so they they can pull that down and lift up their other shirt so that their back and stomach isn't hanging out, they may try to nurse in a low traffic area, and last but not least if they want to they will wear a cover but you don't necessarily have to cover to be discrete.

Of course no one has to do that, but then again no one has to be quiet if someone is making them uncomfortable.
And sometimes baby is screaming in hunger, and I'm hot, and he's sweating like a little piggy, and I could give a crap if my belly or back or cleavage is showing. And god forbid my baby is pulling off and on the nipple when going through a growth spurt and you see my nipple....

I'm glad I don't care. Mothering would be so much harder if I had to limit my public interactions to "low traffic areas" or wear 2 layers of clothing throughout the summer or piss my baby off with a blanket over his head. I'm still a person who has the right to enjoy every public social sphere.
post #63 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Altair View Post
And sometimes baby is screaming in hunger, and I'm hot, and he's sweating like a little piggy, and I could give a crap if my belly or back or cleavage is showing. And god forbid my baby is pulling off and on the nipple when going through a growth spurt and you see my nipple....

I'm glad I don't care. Mothering would be so much harder if I had to limit my public interactions to "low traffic areas" or wear 2 layers of clothing throughout the summer or piss my baby off with a blanket over his head. I'm still a person who has the right to enjoy every public social sphere.
Hehe.. Maybe we should all go nurse our babes in the bathroom.
post #64 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
Actually my answer was to the two posts that asked what I considered to be discrete. That's what I was talking about. I wasn't saying this is what you must do to have respect...that's silly!
I know what I said, and I know what I meant. I don't always directly quote; especially when its two different posts. You can either choose to accept my clarification, or not. This is online, not face to face, sometimes things are misunderstood, but like I said, this is what I meant so take it or leave it. It's really not that serious and as you should be able to tell I'm not trying to argue and I'm not going to, but I will clarify.

I think I've gotten all of the answers I'm going to get on the first two pages. We are winding down now. Thanks everyone for the 411.
I am just quoting this so aniT will hopefully get a notification of this and know that you edited your post. Otherwise, she would have no idea that you had more to say regarding this since MDC doesn't notify on edited posts.
post #65 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post



As for the gyno, that's not even the same motions, at least not from my experience. The hands and tools don't do the same things as other acts. Though I'm sure some women might have reactions to that, but I can't say that I would be able to make those comparisons. Whereas on the other hand, suckling is suckling.

Could not be further from the truth.

An adult man or woman sucking on a breast is licking, sucking the nipple, playing with the nipple, etc. A baby has a VERY different way of latching on-- the entire areola is covered, the nipple is in the back of his throat, his tongue comes from the nipple to the areola to "milk" out the milk from the sinuses while the lower jaw pumps up and down, all of which is coordinated with swallowing and breathing.

You could not teach a grown man to do this if you tried. Try it. He'll be able to get milk somehow, but it will not feel remotely the same, nor will he get as much milk as a baby would.


And the difference in sexual feeling is so profound you can't really explain it. A baby nursing (after the initial few weeks of pain) feels good in a sensual, relaxed, loving way. We are given that flood of oxytocin at letdown for an important biological reason-- breastfeeding is SUPPOSSED to feel good so that we keep doing it and don't starve/ignore our hungry babies. I've described the feeling of having really engorged breasts get emptied by the baby as a combination of having to pee REALLY badly and then letting it all out and the feeling you get after an orgasm when you just want to cuddle and fall asleep.

BTW- it rarely feels like this in public, b/c you're not as relaxed. Which means you don't letdown easily and baby gets mad b/c he's not grtting as much milk.

If people stopped judging nursing moms and moms stopped worrying about every square inch of skin showing, then it'd be a lot easier to let down every time.
post #66 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama View Post
I am just quoting this so aniT will hopefully get a notification of this and know that you edited your post. Otherwise, she would have no idea that you had more to say regarding this since MDC doesn't notify on edited posts.
That clarification was completely unclear. .

I still see the discretion and mutual respect going hand in hand and I have seen nothing that "clarifies" this any differently.
post #67 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
That clarification was completely unclear. .

I still see the discretion and mutual respect going hand in hand and I have seen nothing that "clarifies" this any differently.
I didn't say I understood it, but I just wanted you be aware since it was directed towards you.

I agree. There hasn't been anything that shows respect towards the mother/child nursing relationship. Just the old don't let me see it stuff.
post #68 of 98
HisBeautifulWife, you seem to be demanding an explanation on something that is really pretty rare and not something that many here could even begin to explain because it is far from the norm. You might be better off googling to see if there is some sort of support network for situations like that. I guess I don't see why you are so concerned about something is not too likely to occur.
post #69 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Altair View Post
Could not be further from the truth.

An adult man or woman sucking on a breast is licking, sucking the nipple, playing with the nipple, etc. A baby has a VERY different way of latching on-- the entire areola is covered, the nipple is in the back of his throat, his tongue comes from the nipple to the areola to "milk" out the milk from the sinuses while the lower jaw pumps up and down, all of which is coordinated with swallowing and breathing.

You could not teach a grown man to do this if you tried. Try it. He'll be able to get milk somehow, but it will not feel remotely the same, nor will he get as much milk as a baby would.

And the difference in sexual feeling is so profound you can't really explain it. A baby nursing (after the initial few weeks of pain) feels good in a sensual, relaxed, loving way. We are given that flood of oxytocin at letdown for an important biological reason-- breastfeeding is SUPPOSSED to feel good so that we keep doing it and don't starve/ignore our hungry babies. I've described the feeling of having really engorged breasts get emptied by the baby as a combination of having to pee REALLY badly and then letting it all out and the feeling you get after an orgasm when you just want to cuddle and fall asleep.
That is helpful. Thank you.

See, I think I had a few different things going on in my mind at the same time and this just helped me realize that.

1) My main thing was the feeling/action
2) Then I was wondering if women should be shamed for feeling naturally good in a different way. Because sometimes people don't talk about the good feelings unless they are worried that they are doing something wrong. So I was wondering why is it bad to say that if it's natural.
3) Last I had my "but what if it's not" thoughts.

That's why I was trying to understand the science behind it all because what I'd read thus far was really over the top. It had some good reasons for saying it was sexual but then it went way over there into what the heck land. But I didn't take it as the same kind of sexual that most people think about when you say that word. But it left me very, very confused.

I know I didn't communicate that because I just realized the full picture of my thoughts from your post. That might not make sense but my mind jumps from thought to thought to thought and sometimes I mix it all together without saying that's what I am doing.
post #70 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
That is helpful. Thank you.

See, I think I had a few different things going on in my mind at the same time and this just helped me realize that.

1) My main thing was the feeling/action
2) Then I was wondering if women should be shamed for feeling naturally good in a different way. Because sometimes people don't talk about the good feelings unless they are worried that they are doing something wrong. So I was wondering why is it bad to say that if it's natural.
3) Last I had my "but what if it's not" thoughts.

That's why I was trying to understand the science behind it all because what I'd read thus far was really over the top. It had some good reasons for saying it was sexual but then it went way over there into what the heck land. But I didn't take it as the same kind of sexual that most people think about when you say that word. But it left me very, very confused.

I know I didn't communicate that because I just realized the full picture of my thoughts from your post. That might not make sense but my mind jumps from thought to thought to thought and sometimes I mix it all together without saying that's what I am doing.
After reading this, it sounds to me like perhaps you just need to work on separating any sexual connotations you have with the breasts from breastfeeding. Thing can feel good without feeling good in that way. KWIM?
post #71 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
That is helpful. Thank you.

See, I think I had a few different things going on in my mind at the same time and this just helped me realize that.

1) My main thing was the feeling/action
2) Then I was wondering if women should be shamed for feeling naturally good in a different way. Because sometimes people don't talk about the good feelings unless they are worried that they are doing something wrong. So I was wondering why is it bad to say that if it's natural.
3) Last I had my "but what if it's not" thoughts.

That's why I was trying to understand the science behind it all because what I'd read thus far was really over the top. It had some good reasons for saying it was sexual but then it went way over there into what the heck land. But I didn't take it as the same kind of sexual that most people think about when you say that word. But it left me very, very confused.

I know I didn't communicate that because I just realized the full picture of my thoughts from your post. That might not make sense but my mind jumps from thought to thought to thought and sometimes I mix it all together without saying that's what I am doing.
I am just curious why you are researching something that is unlikely to happen? Most people don't get any type of sexual feeling at all from nursing. Most times my thoughts are, are you don't yet! (hehe at 2.5 I am!) Usually as you nurse your nipples get kinda hardened off so you don't feel all that much, until they bite you.
post #72 of 98
Men urinate with the same organ they have intercourse with. We aren't confusing the two different functions and we don't deny the importance of each separate function. Penis' are undeniably sexual, they are just as undeniable used for the transportation of waste. As long as the functions aren't happening at the same time no one really has a problem with it.

Why can't breasts serve two functions as well and why can't we celebrate both functions as special, wonderful, and necessary. My breasts are an important part of foreplay in our house. They are also the source of my children's nurturing and nutrition for the first part of their lives. I can except both functions as wholly separate and important.
post #73 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama View Post
I guess I don't see why you are so concerned about something is not too likely to occur.
Because I read a very long article that seemed to be well referenced that said that BF is a sexual act and that women should not be ashamed by that and they should embrace it for the health of their babies and for themselves. However, as the article went on , it started to say some things that were quite disturbing to me. So I would never, ever share that article with anyone.

Then I started reading about women who felt guilty for whatever reasons they had, and the terrible reactions people had to it.

Then I thought back to the science that was in that article and I began to wonder if they couldn't help it then why were they getting blamed.

Then I started thinking about the feelings. Then my mind was trying to process all of this. On top of not understanding why people nursed when there was no milk (thanks for the explanations on that!)

So that's why. People say it's not sexual but sometimes sources say it is (but I don't think they mean it like that, they mean it in a different way that people dont talk about) so I was trying to sort it all out.
post #74 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
That is helpful. Thank you.

See, I think I had a few different things going on in my mind at the same time and this just helped me realize that.

1) My main thing was the feeling/action
2) Then I was wondering if women should be shamed for feeling naturally good in a different way. Because sometimes people don't talk about the good feelings unless they are worried that they are doing something wrong. So I was wondering why is it bad to say that if it's natural.
3) Last I had my "but what if it's not" thoughts.

That's why I was trying to understand the science behind it all because what I'd read thus far was really over the top. It had some good reasons for saying it was sexual but then it went way over there into what the heck land. But I didn't take it as the same kind of sexual that most people think about when you say that word. But it left me very, very confused.

I know I didn't communicate that because I just realized the full picture of my thoughts from your post. That might not make sense but my mind jumps from thought to thought to thought and sometimes I mix it all together without saying that's what I am doing.

Wow, it sounds like you might have to work through some things about the breasts and sexuality in general. I think by coming from a mindset that the primary purpose of a woman's breast is to provide sexual interaction with her partner, you are seeing breastfeeding as some strange sexual act.

I would be very, very confused, too.

This reminds me of when my 4yo sister learned that my baby was going to come out of my vagina. She got a horrified look on her face and said, "but peepee comes out there! the baby will get peepee on her head!"
post #75 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
Because I read a very long article that seemed to be well referenced that said that BF is a sexual act and that women should not be ashamed by that and they should embrace it for the health of their babies and for themselves. However, as the article went on , it started to say some things that were quite disturbing to me. So I would never, ever share that article with anyone.

Then I started reading about women who felt guilty for whatever reasons they had, and the terrible reactions people had to it.

Then I thought back to the science that was in that article and I began to wonder if they couldn't help it then why were they getting blamed.

Then I started thinking about the feelings. Then my mind was trying to process all of this. On top of not understanding why people nursed when there was no milk (thanks for the explanations on that!)

So that's why. People say it's not sexual but sometimes sources say it is (but I don't think they mean it like that, they mean it in a different way that people dont talk about) so I was trying to sort it all out.
Well, I am pretty big on citing your sources, so naturally I am going to ask you to post it. If you feel that you can't, then you might want to evaluate the legitimacy of the source in the first place. Perhaps posting it for others to read would allow people to show you the potential flaws in the very article that has you so worked up about this topic in the first place.

I thought you said you knew women with this problem? Not that you had only read about it.
post #76 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
Because I read a very long article that seemed to be well referenced that said that BF is a sexual act and that women should not be ashamed by that and they should embrace it for the health of their babies and for themselves. However, as the article went on , it started to say some things that were quite disturbing to me. So I would never, ever share that article with anyone.

Then I started reading about women who felt guilty for whatever reasons they had, and the terrible reactions people had to it.

Then I thought back to the science that was in that article and I began to wonder if they couldn't help it then why were they getting blamed.

Then I started thinking about the feelings. Then my mind was trying to process all of this. On top of not understanding why people nursed when there was no milk (thanks for the explanations on that!)

So that's why. People say it's not sexual but sometimes sources say it is (but I don't think they mean it like that, they mean it in a different way that people dont talk about) so I was trying to sort it all out.
I think that article was written by a quack.

Yes some people have been known to feel sexual nursing. It's rare. Yes there have been people who have gone to their doctors for help and been turned into CPS. Because of this.. people who do have this problem generally suck it up and deal with it.. because there is no help.

The majority of people do not believe breast feeding to be sexual nor do they have any sexual feelings while breast feeding. Anyone who states otherwise doesn't know what they are talking about.

The point of this thread however was not that breast feeding is sexual.. it was that the OP didn't feel breast should be sexual period.
post #77 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
This reminds me of when my 4yo sister learned that my baby was going to come out of my vagina. She got a horrified look on her face and said, "but peepee comes out there! the baby will get peepee on her head!"
post #78 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama View Post
Well, I am pretty big on citing your sources, so naturally I am going to ask you to post it. If you feel that you can't, then you might want to evaluate the legitimacy of the source in the first place. Perhaps posting it for others to read would allow people to show you the potential flaws in the very article that has you so worked up about this topic in the first place.

I thought you said you knew women with this problem? Not that you had only read about it.
That's why I read about it. I wanted to know more.

I read it on my phone so I didn't save it, thank goodness. It's probably in my history though.

I don't really have the stomach to search for it again and I wouldn't do that to anyone because I don't think any bf mom should read it. Really and truly that type of thing should not be allowed because though it wasn't trying to place blame, it did not help the situation at all and it made me physically sick. No, I would never tell anyone to read anything like that so please don't.
post #79 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
That's why I read about it. I wanted to know more.

I read it on my phone so I didn't save it, thank goodness. It's probably in my history though.

I don't really have the stomach to search for it again and I wouldn't do that to anyone because I don't think any bf mom should read it. Really and truly that type of thing should not be allowed because though it wasn't trying to place blame, it did not help the situation at all and it made me physically sick. No, I would never tell anyone to read anything like that so please don't.
I am confused. If you don't consider this an accurate source, why are you asking mom's here about sexual feelings while BFing?
post #80 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
That's why I read about it. I wanted to know more.

I read it on my phone so I didn't save it, thank goodness. It's probably in my history though.

I don't really have the stomach to search for it again and I wouldn't do that to anyone because I don't think any bf mom should read it. Really and truly that type of thing should not be allowed because though it wasn't trying to place blame, it did not help the situation at all and it made me physically sick. No, I would never tell anyone to read anything like that so please don't.
But you can't possibly expect to have a civilized conversation with anyone regarding this when you have ideas in your head from an article that you won't share with everyone else. That's a little like going to a book discussion when only one person has actually read the book. You can't debate the merits of it when you are the only who has read it. We are telling you those things aren't really true and you don't want to believe us based on that article. I don't know what anyone could say to make you think otherwise.
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