Breasts as sexual objects just doesn't make sense anymore. - Page 5

[tayndrewsmama]

That article wasn't in The Onion was it?

[JollyGG]

If the nipples only purpose is breast feeding then why do men have nipples? Why do some men get sexual stimulation from their nipples being played with? Many men's nipples respond to stimulation, cold, ect. in much the same way a woman's does. They obviously can't nurse a baby. Therefore there must be some purpose to these reactions outside of nursing. Nipples are sexual. They are for breastfeeding. I guess I have no problem whatsoever with them having a dual purpose.

[HisBeautifulWife]

Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama

We are telling you those things aren't really true and you don't want to believe us based on that article.

Everybody didn't say exactly that early on but no it wasn't in the Onion. I wish. I would have noticed.

Ok this is a useful thread and I don't want it to get closed so I've gotten my answers. We can get back to whether or not breasts are dual purpose parts

[tayndrewsmama]

I suspect this is what you read (WARNING: IT'S SERIOUSLY MESSED UP!). You need to realize that this appears to be something that is just circulating the internet and is not posted anywhere on a legit site or published by any reputable news organization. A search of the Dr's name who supposedly wrote this yields NOTHING at all except for message board posts of this garbage article. As far as I am concerned, this was a joke that someone did a good job of getting circulated. You really should just put it out of your mind IMO.

[aniT]

Kelly, you really should put a warning on that link. I don't think it is the same link as it sounds different in nature to what hiswife was talking about.. but it is just as disturbing as the one she talked about.

And I agree with you, that was not written by an academic nor was it edited or proofed there are too many errors in there.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by aniT

Kelly, you really should put a warning on that link. I don't think it is the same link as it sounds different in nature to what hiswife was talking about.. but it is just as disturbing as the one she talked about.

And I agree with you, that was not written by an academic nor was it edited or proofed there are too many errors in there.

Ok! I didn't even think to do that because it sounded so absurd to me. Sorry to anyone who may have read it and been freaked!

[delfin]

hi,

i didn't read the article, and atm don't have good signal, so i won't.

There's other authors who write about the BF experience as the basic sexuality of humans. Someone mentioned the release of oxitocin being present in both lovemaking and breastfeeding. I do believe BF is sexual, but I understand the aversion some ppl have to this idea if we are from the mindset that sexuality is only falocentric.
And this patriarchal society has done a lot to instill the taboo of incest, when the sexual experience of bf has nothing to do with penetration or getting off.
i had these feelings while bf my baby, and reading the work of Casilda Rodriganez i understood that what i was feeling wasn't wrong or creepy, just natural and normal.
while bf, both bodies pulsate with desire, desire for life, and the pleasure is simply in the giving and receiving warmt and love(oxitocyn here, see Odent's work "the scientification of love")

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife

As for the gyno, that's not even the same motions, at least not from my experience. The hands and tools don't do the same things as other acts. Though I'm sure some women might have reactions to that, but I can't say that I would be able to make those comparisons. Whereas on the other hand, suckling is suckling.

i don't agree that suckling is suckling. the way DD latches on to my breast is in no way similar to anything my DH has done sexually. although i have asked him to try to unclog a plugged duct (after using the pump first) ...and well, he couldn't latch on right for the life of him, so that tells you--it's not the same act in the least.

ETA:

more generally, though, i think that since breastfeeding is hormonally PLEASURABLE (and probably affects dopamine/seratonin levels), it can give similar feelings to sex. but it is not arousing in the least, not for me anyway. i mean, exercise can give you a rush, too. but you don't see people debating whether exercising (publicly or privately) is sexual.

[ILoveSweetpea]

You guys have brought up way too many good points for me to quote here. But thank you. You've given me a lot of things to think about. I have certainly concluded that my issues with breasts as sex objects are simply that : MY ISSUES. I think if DH was more into breasts in the bedroom, this would be a big issue in our relationship. As it stands, it is just an icky feeling on my part...

But some of your points are really starting to sink in for me. Breasts can be sexual and that can be OK. It's still hard for me to believe that, but I think it'll take time and my own dealing with feelings.

FYI... I did NOT click on the article that was posted. I didn't think it would be psychologically healthy for me to read it! LOL! I want to keep nursing DS as long as possible, so I don't need something that may reinforce my fears and concerns.

Anyway... I just wanted to thanks everyone for sharing so thoughtfully on this tough subject. The talk turned into something other than what I intended, but it was all very interesting nonetheless. I have a of great advice and ideas to think about, and maybe I can try to let go of this "hang-up" of mine.

Thanks again.

[velcromom]

That feeling of horror will pass as your hormones change, I've had that kind of feeling too and not just about breasts, lol. You'll probably always retain your new perspective about what breasts are for though and that's a good thing.

I haven't read thru all the posts but has anyone shared the story Katherine Dettwyler shares in one of her books - where she tells women in one of the cultures she's visiting that men in America like to incorporate breasts into intimate play, they ROFLMBO about the men in America that act like babies nursing!!

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by ILoveSweetpea

You guys have brought up way too many good points for me to quote here. But thank you. You've given me a lot of things to think about. I have certainly concluded that my issues with breasts as sex objects are simply that : MY ISSUES. I think if DH was more into breasts in the bedroom, this would be a big issue in our relationship. As it stands, it is just an icky feeling on my part...

But some of your points are really starting to sink in for me. Breasts can be sexual and that can be OK. It's still hard for me to believe that, but I think it'll take time and my own dealing with feelings.

FYI... I did NOT click on the article that was posted. I didn't think it would be psychologically healthy for me to read it! LOL! I want to keep nursing DS as long as possible, so I don't need something that may reinforce my fears and concerns.

Anyway... I just wanted to thanks everyone for sharing so thoughtfully on this tough subject. The talk turned into something other than what I intended, but it was all very interesting nonetheless. I have a of great advice and ideas to think about, and maybe I can try to let go of this "hang-up" of mine.

Thanks again.

But you know, if it's not a problem for you and DH, then it's not a problem! Maybe this is the way you are and that is okay within your relationship...not a sign of needing to change or being in the wrong.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by velcromom

I haven't read thru all the posts but has anyone shared the story Katherine Dettwyler shares in one of her books - where she tells women in one of the cultures she's visiting that men in America like to incorporate breasts into intimate play, they ROFLMBO about the men in America that act like babies nursing!!

And I've kind of wondered if breasts tend to be such a sexual thing here because so many of us were deprived of our mother's breasts as children. So we make up for it by having a relationship with breasts and nipples in the bedroom.

Maybe sex is a way for us to get some of the "babying" we missed out on, LOL.

[mammal_mama]

And, again, there's nothing wrong with that -- so long as the sexualization doesn't become so overpowering that it interferes with babies being able to get the breast promptly, wherever they happen to be (because of the sexualization-thingie causing a corresponding and unhealthy prudishness about breastfeeding).

[aniT]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

And I've kind of wondered if breasts tend to be such a sexual thing here because so many of us were deprived of our mother's breasts as children. So we make up for it by having a relationship with breasts and nipples in the bedroom.

Maybe sex is a way for us to get some of the "babying" we missed out on, LOL.

I dunno.. DH was breast feed. :P

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by aniT

I dunno.. DH was breast feed. :P

Yes, but he was raised and socialized in a society in whcih breastfeeding was/is decidedly the minority, so the overall critique of "bottle feeding society leads to sexualized breasts" may still be valid.

Or not.

[pumpkinhead]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

And I've kind of wondered if breasts tend to be such a sexual thing here because so many of us were deprived of our mother's breasts as children. So we make up for it by having a relationship with breasts and nipples in the bedroom.

Maybe sex is a way for us to get some of the "babying" we missed out on, LOL.

Respectfully, I don't think so. I was breastfed.

My children were breastfed and my breasts are still a huge source of comfort for both of them. Mainly the one who is still nursing , but for the older one as well. When he is upset or hurt, the very first thing he wants to do is bury his head in my chest.

Hell, when I'm hurt or upset, I still love to be held against my mother's chest. I think this is more *because* we were breastfed.

Breasts are many things to many people.

For hisbeautifulwife a baby suckling is very, very different from how my husband treats my breasts when we are intimate. It's not even in the same ball park. A child's suckling is vigorous and purposeful for the most part. I don't know how to describe it, but I personally have never derived any kind of sexual gratification from a nursing child. I don't really know how to describe how it is different, but it is. Your body will know the difference when the time comes.

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife

If one is used to that feeling as a "oooweee feel good" feeling how is one supposed to turn that off because it's not like you are feeling it on purpose? I think this is one reason some women never try because they can't wrap their minds around how this works.

If it feels good are you supposed to be ashamed? Does that make you a bad person? Or do you just say, yes it feels good, and it feels good in the same way but its different because I'm not thinking about it like that?

after the child weans, and the hormones taper off, it no longer feels good to have babe touch them. that is natural too. look at cats etc. they literally smack their kittens away when they are too old. human mothers dont smack our child away, but it no longer feels good. you shouldnt feel ashamed of feeling good while bfing. it doesnt feel good in the same way. it feels motherly and loving. DH playing with them is exciting etc. it is different. some women and some men (My DH) dont like their nipples touched at all. DH loathes it. does nothing for him. everybody is different.

Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama

I suspect this is what you read (WARNING: IT'S SERIOUSLY MESSED UP!).

that is seriously messed up. thhat makes me mad that some people would put trash like that up. if you aren't supposed to bf your child why do you have breasts that make milk? it is not like people can mine formula.... what about before people knew how to milk cows etc? i just dont see the point behind people putting up stuff like that.

[aniT]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

Yes, but he was raised and socialized in a society in whcih breastfeeding was/is decidedly the minority, so the overall critique of "bottle feeding society leads to sexualized breasts" may still be valid.

Or not.

Actually he was raised within a religious group of people where breast feeding was the norm. He was surprised as an adult how few people actually do bf. And admittidly it might not have been so much the religion but more the hippiness of the group of people in the bay area in the mid 70's. :P