All boy! Oh boy! xposted in toddlers - help please!

[Chasing Jack]

I have a lovely 7 year old and we have been blessed with a now 20 month little guy. Nothing DD ever did prepared us for DS! I know each child is different but oh boy! He throws everything, pulls hair, is very clingy at home, (usually great out and about, thank God) and doesn't seem to play with much of anything. He gets frustrated easily (which begins a screaming session). I want to teach him limits in a loving way but wonder what is too much for his young age. I don't want to add to his frustration by telling him no or redirecting him all the time, but I also don't him to learn there are no consequences either. What can I do that his 20 months can comprehend???

[kcstar]

DS is almost 21 months. What we've done:

-- First and foremost, toddler-proof the house as much as possible. If I don't want him getting into it, I don't leave it in his reach. This reduced the number of "No's" we have to use.
-- Secondly, consider adding "Stop" as an alternative to "No". Between "Stop" and redirection, we've very rarely used the word "No" with our son.
-- Third, I'm a little curious what he's doing that needs to be stopped / redirected all the time.

People laugh when DH says that DS is his little helper, but it is the truth. By this age he can follow a simple direction, and we try to involve him in what we are doing. If we're sweeping, he has a broom his size. If we're out gardening, he has garden tools. Certainly a 20-month-old isn't going to sweep a room to "my standards", but that's hardly the point. The point is, he is trying to help. So I acknowledge that and accept it. (I may redirect how he helps, like unloading spoons rather than knives from the dishwasher, but I don't just shut him down.)

-- Next, have consistent rules. If it's okay one day and not okay the next, he's going to be confused.

-- And finally, talk to him. DS understands a lot more of what is going on than he can say. So if I'm introducing a rule, I try to give a little bit of why it's in place. Usually a simple version: "Hold hands in the parking lot, honey, so Momma doesn't get scared."