last year, both my parents died. My mom was diagnosed with a tumor in her colon in January and went in for surgery. She was my dad's caretaker. He had Alzheimers. Mom was in the hospital from January to April and dad died in March. My sisters and I were taking shifts caring for him..he got the flu (from visiting mom in the hospital) and died. I have severe guilt over his death which I won't go into here because it is a long story. Mom came home, was all right for a few months (though incredibly demanding of me and my time, always has been, that's another story) and then got sick again in July, went back to the hospital, had more surgery and was a total mess...she died in November. I was at her bedside, she was crying when she passed, it was horrible. Add in that I have 2 sisters, and though we went through all of this pain together, they treated me like crap through the whole thing. My older sister and my aunt (mom's sister) laughed at me when my mom was going in for her 4th surgery..I was crying because the doctors told us mom would never make it through anymore surgery and then there she was, going in...I thought she was going to die...my mom told everyone in the room that I needed a sedative and she was trying to lighten the mood, I know, but it hurt because they all laughed at me. My whole life has been like this, like I said, another story.
But now my parents are both dead. And 2008 was the worst year of my life..I watched both of them suffer, and I was never at home with my own family. Plus, I have issues from my life revolving around the way I was treated in the family.
so, now, I am trying to heal, which is going to be incredibly hard. I am trying to limit my speaking with my sisters since they are both toxic. I gained 20 pounds which is upsetting to say the least since I was fit and trim before all of this happened. I'm still dealing with everything that happened last year.
I want to isolate myself and take care of myself. I am feeling very protective of myself and I know this is what I need right now.
so. My mother-in-law, whom I have never really liked and she has never really liked me, has been trying to be the new and improved grandma now that my mom and dad are gone. This is the woman who favors her other grandkids so much that we gave up on inviting her and grandpa to our kids' things, including birthdays, because they would never come(my kids are now 17 and 15, they are used to this now, but it was weird when they were little). My husband never calls his parents, he says he just never thinks of them. So MIL is emailing me, talking about everything except how I am, and for awhile I would tell her things and then mention how hard a time I am having and she would completely ignore it. I hate that. I mean, she could at least say she is sorry or whatever. But no, that whole family, when something is wrong or "off" pretends to not know anything is going on.
anyway, I just can't bring myself to answer her stupid emails anymore. I don't care if she is planting vegetables and flowers, I don't care if she went to get her hair permed and the salon doesn't accept checks anymore. I want her to just leave me alone for awhile. Obviously I have a lot of pent up resentment and frustration regarding her and so do not want to have to deal with that right now.
should I tell her (nicely) that I need some space right now and that I don't want to email or talk? or should I make hubby do it? or leave it alone?
All I know is I need some time for me, the way I want it.
if you read this whole thing, thank you. If you have any advice for me, I would so appreciate it.
But now my parents are both dead. And 2008 was the worst year of my life..I watched both of them suffer, and I was never at home with my own family. Plus, I have issues from my life revolving around the way I was treated in the family.
so, now, I am trying to heal, which is going to be incredibly hard. I am trying to limit my speaking with my sisters since they are both toxic. I gained 20 pounds which is upsetting to say the least since I was fit and trim before all of this happened. I'm still dealing with everything that happened last year.
I want to isolate myself and take care of myself. I am feeling very protective of myself and I know this is what I need right now.
so. My mother-in-law, whom I have never really liked and she has never really liked me, has been trying to be the new and improved grandma now that my mom and dad are gone. This is the woman who favors her other grandkids so much that we gave up on inviting her and grandpa to our kids' things, including birthdays, because they would never come(my kids are now 17 and 15, they are used to this now, but it was weird when they were little). My husband never calls his parents, he says he just never thinks of them. So MIL is emailing me, talking about everything except how I am, and for awhile I would tell her things and then mention how hard a time I am having and she would completely ignore it. I hate that. I mean, she could at least say she is sorry or whatever. But no, that whole family, when something is wrong or "off" pretends to not know anything is going on.
anyway, I just can't bring myself to answer her stupid emails anymore. I don't care if she is planting vegetables and flowers, I don't care if she went to get her hair permed and the salon doesn't accept checks anymore. I want her to just leave me alone for awhile. Obviously I have a lot of pent up resentment and frustration regarding her and so do not want to have to deal with that right now.
should I tell her (nicely) that I need some space right now and that I don't want to email or talk? or should I make hubby do it? or leave it alone?
All I know is I need some time for me, the way I want it.
if you read this whole thing, thank you. If you have any advice for me, I would so appreciate it.
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It feels good and painful to remember her and dad!! I still can't believe they are gone.
Not just one but both of your parents is so painfull, and the manner in which you lost them is so sad too. It seems you're also dealing with the loss of your sisters (even though they are toxic) and whatever other "family" you have had. It's hard when those "ties that bind" are cut and the family is in shambles. You have EVERY RIGHT to grieve in whatever way you see fit! You have every right to take the time and focus it inward to you! to love you! to heal you!!!
. The title may seem misleading, but in lieu of therapy that I cannot afford right now, it was the best book I could have read about dealing with some of my parent's children and my own daughter. I have friends who are supportive and I do not spend time crying on their shoulders, but when I need to withdraw, they understand. I withdraw less and less and it is not obvious when I do. I did go to some free grief counceling offered in my community. It was only a few times, but it helped.
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