how many children do u think u might like - Page 2

[Gray's Mommy]

I thought that our last baby would be our last, but surprise! We are stopping at 3 for sure--

[MamaMonica]

Please be respectful of other families when you're posting. It's OK to share personal experiences, but please be mindful of not judging other's family size, whether that includes one or many children. Thank you for your understanding.

[rmzbm]

I found that very offensive as well. I can provide ALL those things for my kids too. If you fell YOU can't, fine...but say that.

[nummies]

Sorry to offend.

Just saying from my personal experience. We were very poor growing up. I am up to my eye balls in debt because of college expenses, so it is important to ME to pay for things like that. My parents divorced because of the money issues and they just had too much on their plates. I honestly felt lost in the shuffle a lot of times.

I just don't get how saying that my personal experience has affected me would be offensive. I appreciate large families and don't judge anyone who wants to have one. And honestly the families on MDC are probably a tad more attentive to their large families than my parents were. How can I not feel like that when my parents worked 3 jobs each just to put food on the table?

But if I offended I do apologize. I had no idea that saying how things were in MY family would affect people in that manner. I guess I will be more careful about when I talk about things that have happened in my life. In fact, I may just want to rethink posting about my family here at all.

[Kidzaplenty]

Nummies,

Please don't feel that you have to be very careful about what you share so that you don't offend anyone. It was not your experience that came across as offensive but the way it was worded that indicated anyone having more than two or three children would mean their children would be giving up college, vacations, and time with parents.

I know everyone's experiences are different, and I know that not everyone wants or could handle as many children as others. That is fine. Your life experiences is what makes you who you are and what will cause you to make a unique contribution to this DDC as will everyone else's life experiences. So, please continue to post away.

[BMG580]

I used to emphatically say 2. Well, as soon as I had the second I realized there was no way I was done. Throw in a glorious religious conversion and a changed opinion on artificial birth control and 3 months into NFP a surprise BFP! So, we'll see. I think 4 sounds nice (and my husband thinks 4 sounds nuts - he didn't convert with me!)) but I know now that making any sort of definite statement about this for me is rather silly because I just really don't know. I would have to have a grave reason to avoid conception and I am only 30 so I have several fertile years left.

[StrawberryFields]

Originally Posted by nummies

This is it for us. We have one and we are adding two more in January. I will be done for sure. I want to be able to pay for college for my kids, take them on vacations and show them the world, and have enough individual time to devote to each child. I was one of 8 and it was hard to get alone time with my parents.

Bolding mine... this is me. I'm not sure about family size yet. I always thought 3 was my personal max but now dh is sort of pushing to consider having a 4th. I am really not sure. Like you, I want to have enough individual time with each child... I don't know. I feel very mixed up about it right now.

I am also hoping to take the kids on vacations... but not really sure how much we would travel with 4+ kids.

For now I just told dh that we would not do anything permanent until we are on the same page and confident in our decision. I think that once I have been parenting three for awhile I will have an idea whether or not it's possible for me to have a 4th. Right now I feel like 4 is beyond my abilities as a parent. But I'm keeping an open mind, maybe having 3 will be such a breeze that I will find myself in a 2012 DDC!!

Dh is kind of hoping we are having twins this time so that we have #3 and #4 all at once. I'm not sure we are on the same page about that

[Oceanone]

this is our #3, our last. I am getting on a bit now and I find pregnancy very difficult. Once the baby is here though, I'm fine. I'm looking forward to having a wee babe again, it's been quite a while for me. I need to make the very most of everything.

[geo_girl]

I think that this, number 3, is it for us.

I'm getting older, and the prospect of 3 under 3.5 yrs is daunting. I don't have any family or close friends that I can *REALLY* count on nearby....and DH works long hours, and isn't always as helpful as he thinks he is

3 children is WAY above the norm for DH's side, and pretty average/below average for my side.

I will feel "complete" after this one, and am trying to consciously enjoy this last pregnancy.

enjoy!
charlene

[scheelimama]

I feel pretty confident that this will be our last. I don't do pregnancy very well. And I also want to provide lots of opportunities for my children. I know there are so many things you can do for free or as a family, but I know we personally wouldn't be able to provide for music lessons, dance lessons, and sports for all of our children, if we don't stop at 4. And those things are so important to me. And really, beyond money and the fact that I don't do pregnancy very well, I think dh and I are just done and ready to begin moving out of the baby stage and onto the next stage (like going to an amusement park as a family and everyone being able to go on the roller coasters - still like 6+ years away, but someday...) Anyway, that's where we are.

[meganbarr]

I am really torn about how many to have. Like PP I dont do pregnancy very well, in fact there is NOTHING I like about it except the baby that comes at the end. Every time I throw up I tell DH, we are going to buy the rest of our babies like Brad and Angelina! Part of me wants to stop at 2 and part of me isnt ready to stop. I guess we are going to see where life takes us and decide as we go!

[Dea]

I've always wanted 4 or 5 children, but given my fertility issues I don't think I'll be able to. So perhaps 3? I can't imagine that this will be my last pregnancy.

[kerrybennysmama]

If this one stays with us it will for sure be it. Emotionally I just cant do it again with my previous losses. The anxiety will be too great. I personally dont think I could handle more than 3 children. I have to work part time and I already feel guilty being away from the two I have. It may also be my personality but I worry that all the good parenting stuff I do would get thrown out the window due to being overwhelmed, as I am an extremely senstive person. Also part of me wants to start being able to have a little me time, get fit, read books, etc. I just cant seem to fit it in now. I do however admire large families and secretly have always wanted one, 4 + kids, but I would only do it if I could stay home, as working makes me feel too torn.

[nummies]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

Nummies,

Please don't feel that you have to be very careful about what you share so that you don't offend anyone. It was not your experience that came across as offensive but the way it was worded that indicated anyone having more than two or three children would mean their children would be giving up college, vacations, and time with parents.

I know everyone's experiences are different, and I know that not everyone wants or could handle as many children as others. That is fine. Your life experiences is what makes you who you are and what will cause you to make a unique contribution to this DDC as will everyone else's life experiences. So, please continue to post away.

Understood. I will be very careful in the future about how I word things so not to offend anyone here. I did not realize that I would need a disclaimer at the end stating that the thoughts expressed were strictly based on our family. Of course I understand that some people can afford vacations and college for their large families. And frankly, that would be lovely to have that much money and I may just go on having babies! But you also have to understand that each baby we (as in our family) produce costs us $15,000 because of fertility treatments. So we start out the child's life in the hole. Thanks for your thoughts, I will be sure to read through my posts very carefully in the future.

[RoseRed]

Originally Posted by nummies

This is it for us. We have one and we are adding two more in January. I will be done for sure. I want to be able to pay for college for my kids, take them on vacations and show them the world, and have enough individual time to devote to each child. I was one of 8 and it was hard to get alone time with my parents.

Disclaimer- The thoughts expressed in the above post are the opinion of the poster. They are derived from personal family experience and should not be applied to every family. The poster does understand that many families are capable of sending their large families to college and going on vacations, however, the poster does NOT have that much money.

Me and DH are actually in the same thought process as you - because of his family. He is the middle of nine. The family is split into three, the olders, the youngers and the favorites. none of the kids from those three groups talk or get along together. Its just a big mess. Growing up his dad never spent time with the kids because there were simply too many, he was only around to punish. It was a violent angry household.

So for us, we will 'take as many as we can get' but I say that with a grain of salt as getting pregnant is one step away from fertility treatments and keeping the baby seems to be a problem as well.

Originally Posted by MuslimMama

I would LOVE to be the "Muslim version" of the Duggar family!! LOLL!!! God knows best

That cracked me up, you have no idea lol

[chel]

I know two is the max for us.
If this pg ends in a m/c I also know that Dh will do everything possible not to have another. All the physical and emotional trama of the past 2 m/c has Dh feeling that we are not designed to have any more.

[rachel65655]

This is #6 for us. I am not even 30 yet so there are many more fertile years ahead of us so we will just have to see.

All my children have been born in a month all their own so I always joked about having a dozen, one in every month of the year....and no we did not plan them that way that is just the way it has happened so far.

My dad was one of 13 so a large family is not unusual for me but I don't know if I want to go quite that far, we'll just have to see how things go and I trust that God with provide no matter what.

[jillmamma]

I have a feeling this will be it for us. DH was ready to stop after 2, and this one came as a surprise while doing fertility awareness (O'ed sooner than I thought I would). I have always wanted 3-5 kids, and would be very happy to have more if DH were to change his mind for some reason, but he feels that he is stretched to the limit with 2 or 3 with his time, finances, and patience. My oldest is autism spectrum and my little girl is very spirited, so neither are "easy" kids, but definitely keep our lives from being boring. I am the oldest of 4 and loved it growing up, and DH is an only (adopted as his parents had infertility issues), so I know that influences both of our feelings too. Chaos and noise of kids seems normal to me, and bothers him more as he was used to quiet growing up. We are both 36, and will still be 36 when this one comes, so getting "up there" in age too. My plan is to pray about it a lot, and see what God has in store for us. He has blessed us with this sweet surprise, so you never know.

I think it is so cool all these moms of many are here. It will be awesome to be able to draw on all your great expertise and advice!

[AfricanQueen99]

Well, I'm an only and always wanted an only. I bent to agree on two in marriage negotiations. If this one sticks it will most likely be it, but I won't be on hormonal birth control again...so we shall see.

Mandie - I totally get where you're coming from.

[acordio]

This is #3 for us and we have always said 4 but for some reason I could see us having 5. Dh only had one brother and I grew up in a family of 5. I think is dh had his way we would have more like 6. I think we will just see where we are when the time comes to decide if we want another one.