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[EmilyVorpe]

It's probably going to sound strange, so hang in there if you can.....

I went to church when I was a kid, until I was 10 or so...and then maybe 10 times since then. Now, I've been getting the message to go back, so as a famly, we have decided to go to a christian church a few times. The specific church was the idea of my dh's workfriend. The workfriend sits with us each time and kinda plays clown at some points. I've told my dh I'm uncomfortable sitting with him (I'd love to sing along to the songs, but he watches me to see if I am...makes me a little uncomfortable) and that I don't get the spiritual feeling I'd like to get from a church at this particular place. The service is a LOT of songs and then the pastor talking about his life for 20 minutes and then 15 minutes of religion-related material. I grew up in a church where you wore dressy clothes and were quiet (except for the 2-3 songs) and you were told about the bible. I'm looking for a church that gives me that same feeling but my DH is a little irritated. This is his first venture into religion in 20 years and he rather likes the church. So I'm guessing we'll end up at different churches, and that makes me overwhelmingly sad that we aren't going to be on this journey together. I also fear it will create marital conflict....
Okay, so here's what's on my mind. I go into church and they talk about leading a Christian life and not doing things against the bible...etc. Without sitting and reading the Bible page by page, how do I know what a Christian life is? I know don't kill, don't steal, don't cheat, etc...but what can I do to lead a Christian life NOW while I'm still on the 10th page of reading the Bible? I allofasudden feel like I shouldn't be listening to some music (I already only listen to country) because of undertones, feel dirty watching some movies and television, but aside from that, I haven't received any messages on what it means to be leading a Christian life. Does anyone have any direction for me? What does it mean to you to lead a Christian life? What do you do different than the average Nancy down the road who isn't a Christian?

[cappuccinosmom]

On the church issue: perhaps you could keep "shopping" and find a happy medium? Or a church with "traditional services" and then more energetic services at another time. Or, go to traditional services at an earlier time and then with your husband to the one he likes, for the family time?

As far as "the Christian life"....that's a toughie. People interpret it very differently. I would say the basis must be love for God and love for our neighbor. Genuine love of both cuts out some obvious things--we obey the Commandments, obviously, and live in relation to others with love, kindness, compassion, etc. From there on out it kind of gets sticky. For my and my family, what makes us different from Nancy down the road is: we dress very modestly, we are careful what we watch and listen to, we don't cuss, we don't drink or smoke, we don't use birth control, our life is God-centered, we strive to live simply and quietly and be very careful with how we use what God gives us....stuff like that. All of them relate in some way to our love for God and/or our love for others. But we were raised Christian and are very familiar with the Bible, so it wasn't a matter of finding things out so much as coming under conviction about them.

What we look at in deciding them is: What are the Commandments? What example did Jesus give us? What are the standards given in the letters from the apostles? How do all of these apply to us today, and how can we live them out in this era?

[genifer]

You know what EmilyVorpe, I would say you simply arent far off. Honestly. I was thinking about the disciples of Jesus, the 12 disciples to be specific and how they must have just started following Jesus and hadnt a clue most of the time. Could I suggest you just start by reading one of the gospels. They are a good place to start. Also, just keep in mind that not one of us learned it all in a day or two, or instantaneously. I made a decision to follow Christ 11 years ago and Im still learning so much, have some nasty habits, and sometimes really like listening to secular music, I do avoid a lot of trashy stuff, but I see in some music (not a country fan myself, but I do see this in country music especially) that a lot of singers/songwriters talk about life. And the bible is about life. Sometimes some songs are just about people living ...life. sorry if that sounds stupid.... I would also say, that maybe that 'dirty feeling' when you hear a song that has 'undertones', that could be the Holy Spirit, not being offended, but ...what is it called... I cant thing of a better word except to say 'offending the Holy Spirit' and that doesnt sound quite right to say. Grieving the Spirit, thats the term. It means that the Holy Spirit in you, which loves Holiness, loveliness, purity, etc finds it ... my words are not coming out today are they!! lol. Almost hurtful, Im trying to find the most innocent way of saying this, bc its not all about feeling condemned. Simple as that. I wouldnt want to say anything that would make you feel condemnded but I still want to make a point that sometimes the things we listen to, the things 'of the world' grieve the Holy Spirit. That may be the feeling you are getting and I say that bc it maybe a case of the Holy Spirit leading you into a deeper relationship with Him. Or God calling to you, saying 'Im not in that'...'you wont find me there'....

Now, about going to church. it is a toughie. Have you actually had a talk with dh about how this guy makes you feel? Does the church have more then one service, some churches have a main morning service and a second one on sunday, which is usually quieter, then again another one during the week sometime. You could avoid the creepy guy altogether that way. Im sure he may not mean to be creepy, but that seems to be how he makes you feel, and if he knew he made you feel that way, I bet he'd feel awful. Could you invite him/his family over for dinner (do say a prayer that the Lord would be in it and there and that everyone's eyes and ears would be open to listening honestly to each other... we christians can be in the bad habit of not listening sometimes). And again about going to church.... Im gonna tell you what I would do ...in hindsight, bc Ive been there... My dh doesnt like going to church, that in itself made me feel uncomfortable for some years. Im cool with it now. When he did go to church, there would ALWAYS be a fight while we were getting ready, never failed. He didnt want to go, didnt want to say it would rather fight about it, maybe he was torn about it too, I dont know. So, I decided to leave him alone, I never forced, I actually never guilt tripped him into going either, it was percieved on his part that one. If *I* were *you*... Id go where dh wanted to go, not rock the boat until Ive prayed long and hard about it or until I *knew* I couldnt stand it. This is if I couldnt reason with him, bc, I dont know about your dh, but I sometimes... alot of times... cant reason with him, lol. He's an awesome guy, but he's *very* stubborn (bless him). It all depends on how you and your dh 'get on' with issues like that and whether you can stand going to the church long enough for your dh to begin to 'see reason'... The other approach is to pray. IME prayer never goes unanswered, we are often to impatient to sit it out long enough to wait for the answer. It often 'feels' like God isnt answering our prayers but we're too impatient, and if the answer doesnt come straight away, to me that means to sit tight and wait, stay where Im at. Now, if there is an urgency and you simply cannot stand it, make an issue of it, peacefully and respectfully. This is how Id handle it. I almost NEVER confront my dh without praying about it before hand. There are 'hot topic' issues in every marriage, things that are tough to discuss. Maybe not every marriage, but ..well lots of 'em. Anyway, I hope that helps. Lots of love and I really really hope you find the right 'place', that you grow in knowing the Lord, loving Him and knowing how much He loves you.

gen

[Bluegoat]

Finding a church that fits you both might take a bit of time, but there are lots of churches out there, so there is probably something that would work for you both. Some churches have a variety of different kinds of services, as a pp mentioned, so that may be helpful. Also, you might want to start looking at churches close to where you live and work outward if none seem appropriate; there is something to be said for going to church in your own community if at all possible. (FWIW, your husbands friend would make me feel uncomfortable too.)

Living a godly Christian life s always a journey, and it's best to start with the basics - love God and love your neighbour. Reading the Bible is a good think, but honestly, doing that alone will not give you all the answers, it is a book with a lot of meaning and layers and sometimes it is not always easy to see how it all fits together. Find some people who seem to live good lives, full of prayer, and try to take them as examples. Read some books about Christians you admire, learn from the teachers at the church you end up at. Being a Christian involves being part of a larger community, the Body of Christ, and it is there to help us with just this kind of thing.

One thing I would say - sometimes enthusiastic new Christians begin to think that all things in "the world" are wrong and devoid of the holy spirit, and become as strict as possible, and they feel "convicted" by anything they think of as worldly. By all means avoid things that don't seem healthy or spirit-filled, but it can be a good thing to withhold judgment on many such issues until you feel really comfortable in your Christian understanding. Also, a feeling isn't always the prompting of the Spirit - it might be just a bit of undigested cheese - it's important to engage your mind in your Christian life and especially your prayer life.

[BetsyS]

I am a Christian, and I love God. I love people more than things. I try to live my life in a way that honors God. And all that sounds hokey, and it isn't really what I want to say, but I can't find better words.

If it's been a long time since you went to church, and the church you went to as a child was very traditional, you may find a whole new world out there.

My dh and I were both raised in the church, and finding one that fit us both has been a long road. He likes great sermons; I like great music. He wanted to dress up; I didn't care. That sort of thing.

We ended up in a Vineyard church, and we're happy (for the most part) with that. Great music, great preaching about real life, and lots of people that are interested in "doing the stuff" of the Bible.

[dkenagy]

PM for you!

[EnviroBecca]

PRAY for guidance. Then trust the guidance that you feel. If certain music, movies, or TV feel wrong to you, turn them off! When you find yourself in a difficult situation with another person, pray for God's grace and do your best to act on it.

I think the Gospel of Mark is the best place to start reading the Bible. You'll see that Jesus was in many ways very involved in the world and the pleasures of earthly life and not too big on rules. Think about what was important to him and what wasn't, and compare that to what you're hearing at church about what's important. That will help you figure out whether you're in the right church.

: Enjoy the journey!