~June Dating Thread~ Single Ladies!!! (put a ring on it)

[JohnnysGirl]

If he liked it then he would have put a ring on it...... Forgive me for my ironic and bittersweet nonsense. Some of you may have read my drama yesterday at the tail end of the May thread about last autumn's *big love* who has moved on with a new girlfriend due to inability to make a LDR work (or move to this country) and I'm trying to make light of the whole thing and remember that the dude was just not that into me or something. If he liked it then he woulda put a ring on it, in the words of Beyonce, right?


This month I'd like to revisit sugarmoon's muses from last month:

I think of it as my metaphorical toybox.....I read some article where the author was talking about how as a kid, she used to dump her whole toy box out at the feet of a visiting friend, as if to say "see how much cool stuff I have? Like me! Like me!"....

So, I think I have a tendency to just throw everything about myself out there, pretty early on when meeting new people. Maybe some of it is driven by the "Like me! Like me!" impulse, but I think for me, it is more that I think the "hard" stuff is interesting to talk about, and I'm not a particularly private person, so there's not too much I don't mind sharing, when the conversation bends that way.

But, when it comes to dating, I think it has on a few occasions made me seem to "forward" or "easy" or something. Maybe even indimidating? I don't know.

Bolding mine. That part so well sums up my personality, meeting new people in general, in a nut-shell. It scares men away in droves. Ya'll remember Ken Doll? Even though he couldn't keep his eyes off my bod, he sure didn't want such a long abusive-marriage-custody-battle story over sushi. I shoulda held back and give him a chance to get interested FIRST and then learn more about the tough parts of my life.

I just can't decide if I wanna hold back too much or if perhaps cutting to the chase and eliminating the ones who can't handle me (I AM a handful, after all, it's not an act) from the get go is a great thing. Dating is all about narrowing down and eliminating, right?

Some of ya'll hold back too much, huh? It's not all me and sugarmoon just having diarrhea of the mouth and freaking the men out is it?

[sugarmoon]

Hey Butterfly, I'm sicker than all get out but I had to give you a quick hug. That just sucks, no way around it.

[Hollycrand]

I'm pretty sick too. Flu bug (or nerves???)
Having a hard time writing an e-mail to SCG. Thinking of all the worse case scenarios, thinking maybe this isn't such a good idea.
Can I show you what I have so far???

************************************************** ***********************
Firstly, I apologise for sending this to your work e-mail address (I don't have any other way to communicate with you) and for writing this in English (never heard you speak a word of English, but I assume you speak it quite well).
My leaving so quickly left a lot of things unfinished for me, and so with the miracle of e-mail I can at least have the chance to say a few things I wanted to but never did (though with the risk of multiple eyes reading what I wrote).
Even though I don't know your exact reasons for doing so, I really appreciated it when you came upstairs a week or so ago a few times to say hello to me (bother me?) in my big empty space. Helped me smile for the rest of the afternoon (even though I probably never let that show). I'll miss that.

I don't know if you remember a long conversation we had a couple of weeks ago during lunch about the woes and challenges of separating, but I remember you gave me some really good firsthand advice on my search for a place of my own. I think you were absolutely right that it's important to live close to where the kids go to school/daycare. I took your advice, and even though I'm going to be paying a bit more than I wanted, I found a place in Rosemount just two streets away from my current place (and where my ex will continue to live). In the end I am very happy to be staying in the neighbourhood, as I really have just begun to get to know my neighbours and the other parents at my older daughter's school.

A question I also wanted to ask you was if you could tell me the better places to go rollerblading in Montreal (if I remember correctly, you rollerblade quite often, right?)
I only know Parc Maisonneuve, which is nice, but now that I've been there many many times, I'd love to try something new. Any suggestions?

I know it might be pretentious to think you might answer this e-mail (it seems to me that you're not the e-mail writing type), but I would be very happy if you did.
************************************************** ***********************

Okay. Feedback? Not direct enough? Too wordy?

[Hollycrand]

So, I sent the letter. Not the exact above version, but almost. The damage is totally done.
I am : and kind of want to :

[Hollycrand]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

If he liked it then he would have put a ring on it......

I hate that song!! And now I have it in my head. AAAAAAAAAARRRGH!

I am the two extremes...I either say WAY too much the first date and send the poor guy running out the door (figuratively), or I don't say enough and am really shy/reserved. Since living in Europe for 15 years, it's usually been the second scenario (though my experience has not been that extensive since becoming single again).

[Sagesgirl]

Originally Posted by Hollycrand

So, I sent the letter. Not the exact above version, but almost. The damage is totally done.
I am : and kind of want to :

I don't usually read this thread (since I'm not dating), but I have to say I think your e-mail is great. It's friendly. It's not desperate. You've mentioned one or two specific encounters the two of you have had--shows you're paying attention & interested. You give a small update. You ask him an open-ended question. I think he'll respond!

Now, as for this over-sharing thing a couple of people have mentioned. I think it's something that might or might not work. It's all in the person on the other end, yk? Spilling everything up front would send me running for the hills, but I'm an incredibly private person.

For me...I belong to a couple of dating websites. I've made a promise to myself that for my 30th birthday I'm going to dust off my PoF account. Meantime I have one on OKCupid. I need to figure out how to overcome my innate shyness and be the first to send a message. PoF is real active, but I had a guy on there come on way too strong shortly after I joined it, so I got spooked. OKC seems to be the opposite extreme--lots of people, no one messaging anyone else. Which isn't to say that my inbox is barren, just that I refuse to respond to single-sentence overtures.

[Hollycrand]

sagesgirl,

So, you mean to say you're not YET dating, right?

Thank you for the feedback on the e-mail. I feel good about it, but a little apprehensive. I just hope he doesn't show it to half the office (which would mean he is a complete a***ole and I'd forget about him quickly), and if he does respond, I don't know what the next step could be.

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by Hollycrand

I feel good about it, but a little apprehensive. I just hope he doesn't show it to half the office (which would mean he is a complete a***ole and I'd forget about him quickly), and if he does respond, I don't know what the next step could be.

Oh he won't do that. And YES he will respond, and say hello and PROBABLY also ask you out. Unless he thinks it's too soon to your divorce and you're not ready. Otherwise for sure he will.


Sorry about the song! :

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by sugarmoon

Hey Butterfly, I'm sicker than all get out but I had to give you a quick hug. That just sucks, no way around it.

Thanks! hugs back for a speedy recovery. And yeah, it sucks. Everything about this guy has sucked since December. Need to forget.......

[Hollycrand]

Hey Butterflymom,

Sounds like you know SCG better than I do We'll see. He probably does think it's too soon...

Go out! Have fun with someone else! The best way to forget about a real di**head.

[mmace]

I check in on the dating threads from time to time, but I'm pretty well settled into a two-year thing (though now I'm thinking why hasn't he put a ring on it?! :-( that is always our biggest problem, unfortunately)...

But I wanted to tell you all that I'm pulling for each and every one of you to find just exactly what you are looking for!

Big hugs all around!

[Holland73]

I am an oldie to these dating threads, but I have to say that you ladies sure are active and busy!

My bf has just moved in, after over a year of togetherness, so I have upped his status from bf -> DP. It has been absolutely wonderful and ds is loving it!

"If he liked it then he should have put a ring on it..." Well, he loves it, without a doubt, but I definitely don't need or want a ring.

My beliefs about marriage have changed significantly and unless we decide to have a child together, there just seems to be no need to get married. We make the same vows and commitment to each other without having/needing to get married. Who knows, everything in life is transitory... nothing stays the same -- married or not.

Anyway... have fun, ladies, and stay true to yourself!

[Bad Mama Jama]

i'm still singing along...
if you like it then you should have put a ring on it. oh, oh, oh, oh...

[sugarmoon]

still sick (turned out to be strep), but just got "winked" at match.com and I have to say...

what's with all the motorcycle pics???? seriously, dude, I don't think your royal blue motorcycle is hot. my 5 year old is impressed. I'm not.

[organicpapayamama]

My update

Originally Posted by Seie

Organic papaya: I am pretty sure someone is going to disagree with this suggestion - but could he come visit you in the evening after your ds is asleep? Ofcourse that would only work if you trust him to be a decent guy! That goes without saying. But since your DS has already met him? You could sit up and chat and have a glass of wine. He would obviously most likely want to sleep with you unless you had set out strick rules beforehand - I mean - if you dont want to take that step just yet..
If that is not an option maybe get in touch with other single moms in your area - could be possible to make a deal of "I watch yours if you watch mine" - A night out for a night out kwim?

Im glad you mentioned that.... he actually came up on saturday and spend some time with me and DS (yes DS has met him 3 times now). He didnt have his DS so it was me my lil one and him. We didnt have much alone time since my DS kept waking up after only a few min (plus he wasnt feeling well) I really doubt he will try to sleep with me.... hes moving quiet slow....which is fine by me.... so here is the scoop. he came over and we watched some movies. we were sitting next to each other on the couch but not like side by side so there was a little room between us. While we were watching the movie he started touching my arm, like rubbing it in a flirty type of way. He doesnt like aggressive girls, nor am I one myself and I was getting a lil nervous thinking that I had to make the next move. I didnt want to ignore it and make him think i wasnt interested or didnt like it so I gently grabbed his and and we held hands for a few minutes. He was rubbing my hand while he was holding it so I thought he liked it too. After like 3 min he gets up to use the bathroom and when he comes back he sits on a different couch and we dont hold hands at all the rest of the night. I thought I must have blown it at this point. When it was time to go I had to walk past him to get the key to open the gate for him to get out. My apartment is kinda small so I had to walk pretty close to him and when I did he put his arm around my waist and I kinda just smiled and went past him to get the key. Idk if he was trying to pull me in for a kiss or what.... it felt like just flirty playing I think.... anyway I saw him out and we hugged good night. Just when I thought Id seen the last of him he calls me about 10 min after he left saying he had a great time and that in the future we should do overnights... like him drive out on a friday and leave on a sunday.... then he said by then I would have met his parents... this guy talks a big game but he doesnt walk it. When he talks to me it feels like hes planning the wedding but when we are together he wont hold my hand for more than 3 min... whats going on?? I really like this guy and dont wanna get hurt. He usually texts me every morn and he didnt today... and he usually calls me every evening and didnt yesterday.... idk... input??

[Hollycrand]

Originally Posted by sugarmoon

still sick (turned out to be strep), but just got "winked" at match.com and I have to say...

what's with all the motorcycle pics???? seriously, dude, I don't think your royal blue motorcycle is hot. my 5 year old is impressed. I'm not.

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by sugarmoon

what's with all the motorcycle pics???? seriously, dude, I don't think your royal blue motorcycle is hot. my 5 year old is impressed. I'm not.

:

[LoveOhm]

I am slammed so I will have to catch this thread up later but....... I LOVE Beyonce.

Single Ladies ~

If you like it then you should have put a ring on it oh oh oh

and to add another Beyonce mantra I am singing

Upgrade You ~

I'm known to walk alone
But I'm alone for a reason
Sending me a drink ain't appeasing
Believe me
Come harder this wont be easy
Don't doubt yourself trust me you need me
This ain't a shoulder with a chip or an ego
But what you think they all mad at me for
You need a real woman in your life
That's a good look
Taking care, home is still fly
That's a good look

[Hollycrand]

I like Beyonce, but just not the ring song.

[Avani]

Oh it's a Beyonce song! I was wondering what this title meant. I don't know her music. I keep following all of you but i personally haven't been dating, just gestating. I am due to birth this month! Still no word from this babies dad and i am just fine with that. My other ex is taking me back to court for custody though, this month of course. He doesn't know i am pregnant. He is taking me back for custody because i requested child support. He hasn't paid a penny in two years and i have sole custody. He hasn't visited them once in two years and somehow he thinks a judge will give him more then supervised at this point? The man is nuts i think. Anyhow i'm still lurking away!