~June Dating Thread~ Single Ladies!!! (put a ring on it) - Page 3

[Sagesgirl]

Originally Posted by Hollycrand

I am surprised (and happy) he even responded at all (though maybe he had a slow day at work??). So, now what?? I mean, he's written the most out of all the other ex-colleagues I've had contact with. But what in the heck can I/should I do now?

Go try out one of the rollerblading places he mentioned, then e-mail him again in a few days thanking him for the info & talking about it a little. Say something about keeping in touch & give him your number or something. It may well be that nothing comes of it, but at the very least maybe you'll have a new friend. I found it can sometimes be invaluable to have someone who's been there before.

[Hollycrand]

This is what I was thinking too.
I'd be happy just to have a new friend who's been there before. Really. I don't have many friends in this town (I'm newly arrived) who have supported my decision to separate. Except for the work colleagues at the job I was just fired from (including SCG).

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by Hollycrand

This is what I was thinking too.
I'd be happy just to have a new friend who's been there before. Really. I don't have many friends in this town (I'm newly arrived) who have supported my decision to separate. Except for the work colleagues at the job I was just fired from (including SCG).

I think Sagesgirl advice is perfect. Go with that. You'll either get a friend, either super casual or perhaps a great one, or even more. It's a win-win.

[JohnnysGirl]

BTW, things fizzled with Flower Boy and Smooth & Witty. These days. I suspect not for good, though, with either of them. Hottie Supreme certainly vanished (back together with ex, i'm certain).

The Kinky Engineer and I have become fabulous, candid, close friends. We've spent several nights together just snuggled and intimate, and we have decided to embark on a long-term and beautiful friendship. I still don't need to be his girlfriend and nowadays my romantic interest in him has fizzled to nothing and I just wanna be his friend, and I love it. I need good friends these days more than anything.

I'm seeing a new guy that I'll call Pretty Fisherman. He's tall, muscular, lovely and sweet. Honest and to the point. He dated a woman for 6 years who cheated, broke his heart, and they broke up about 9-10 months ago (same time frame as my marriage and how long since divorce, coincidentally). He's feeling that being single for awhile is still on the agenda and he's not open for a serious relationship, but he's great to talk to for hours and hours. He's been to my place (brought take out and wine) and we stayed up talking for nearly 9 hours in a row before we slept in my bed (no sex, just snuggles), and he went to work from my place the next morning. Then yesterday I went to his house and we chilled out and watched movies. I had a dr. apt. this morning early so he drove me home after. It was nice. He wants to continue making plans to hang out, even though he's made it clear he doesn't want anything serious anytime soon. I'm not sure what to make of it. What his motives are if he's *not* on the market for a girlfriend? FWB? I dont' think I want that with him. Hmmmm..... I like him and the time together is quality so I'll just go with that for now and not overthink.

Tomorrow night is a horror movie night at Engineer2's house. He's also similarly kinky, actually, but to save confusion I won't call him Kinky Engineer 2, just Engineer2. He's also a civil engineer, 3 years younger than me, and sexy. But not tall. We dated back in the autumn but he had *just* broken up with his fiance and it was a rebound thing. But he got back in touch with me and said he couldnt' understand why we ever stopped hanging out, so we went out to dinner last week and had fun. So Engineer2 and I are going to enjoy our mutual interest in classic horror and hang out. His roommate will be there too so it won't be really intimate or high-pressure or anything. I like him well enough so let's just see where this goes. He's also recently out of something intense so I doubt he's in any hurry, but he swears that he is open for whatever and not addicted to his singleness, he just wants to hang out and see what happens one step at a time. I enjoy that.

That's it from me! Signing out.......

[sugarmoon]

Holly, I think it says a lot that he wrote you back a sweet little note, especially since he is "not a writer". And maybe it took him 2 days for the same reason it took YOU 2 days.

Sounds like it could be a good thing, just a slow developing one. And ya know, I'm really kicking myself for rushing things so often. Right now, I'm just doing the kicking in regards to Jester. I'm not all torn up about it or anything, but I don't really know how to go backwards from sex to making friends, without him thinking that I have motives.... but I do want him to be my friend. I dunno. I also have to remind myself, I LIKE the flirting, tension building part. I don't need to rush it.

BUT that said, Socrates is all quiet again. And being me, my instinct is to send him an email asking him if he just isn't really into me, or if our conversation is just boring (and mostly, it has been) and ask him something interesting, like... what his thoughts on polyamory are. But, then that goes into the whole metaphorical toybox thing. Sure, I think it is fascinating to discuss human behavior, particularly in regards to dating/romance/relationships, but that doesn't mean I'm just some totally wild sluttly fun-but-write-off girl.

Which is what sucks about Complications. He got that. I feel asleep last night composing really eloquent, scathing, articulate, precise emails to him in my head

AND I want some advice about meeting men IRL. The online thing is what it is, I think I pretty much "get" how it goes at this point. But what about some cute guy who bagged my groceries at the Co-op, lots of nice sparkly eye contact, complimented my baby's outfit...but I'll probably never see him again....What on earth do you do about those ones????

Oh, and Organicpapaya, I'm glad you're letting that guy drift. He definitely was "off" for whatever reason. Who knows, maybe he is just a lousy communicator, but who needs that, ya know? Speaking gently here, and really, I'm seeing an earlier version (and really still parts of my current) self in what I'm about to say, so know that I"m not criticizing you: You need to shift your thinking into YOU being in the drivers seat of what will happen, and YOU deciding if he is the one you want to be with, rather than handing that power to him, and waiting......

Brush up on your YOU, and then go for it!

Okay, ya'lls, I've gotten hooked on watching firefly on Hulu, which is, sadly, way more interesting than any of the potential men in my life. Gotta go.....

::::

[eewieew]

holly - so glad that you heard from SCG! i agree with what a pp said - go to one of the good spots, write him and talk about it.

butterflymom - glad to hear that you've made a good friend in KE, and that there are some other good prospects on your horizon.

things are quiet on my front. i've been lurking, as i don't really have much to say. i'm thinking of going the online route but am not sure how much i care at this point, if that makes any sense.

sorry, i'm really blah right now. tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, i turn 30 next week, and i'm fairly certain that i have a touch of ppd at this point. but my best friend just called and wants to hang out tomorrow to get me through, and is trying to plan something cool to do for my bday. def made me feel better, to know that someone was thinking about me.

alright, enough debbie downer bs. i'm going to amuse myself somehow.

[Hollycrand]

Firefly on Hulu? Huh?

This week I spent my days on the sofa drooling over Jonathan Rys-Myers as Henry VIII (The Tudors on BBC/CBC) - total escape from reality.

[Hollycrand]

debbie downer bs??
Sorry....I've been living outside the US for over 15 years...I think I've missed a lot of expressions.

[Hollycrand]

Jenny,

It sounds like you're happy with just spending time with friends. Don't go the online route if you don't want to.
It's great you'll have someone to spend your anniversary with, so you won't be alone. You're doing great!!

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by Hollycrand

:


Well, on my front, I got a response from SCG this afternoon. It's in French, and doesn't really say much, but it's friendly. It says hello, asks me how I am, says that I have really good perception - that he's not really a writer...seeing as how it took him two whole days to respond to my e-mail. He says that it was nice to share advice with someone who has the same 'difficulties' (ie separation - he separated from his partner a year ago and has a son the same as age as my older daughter).
Concerning rollerblading, he says that when he lived in Montreal he used two circuits, names them, and them tells me that he now rollerblades next to his house (which is just outside Montreal), it's not great but it's close to where he lives.
Then he says 'A +', which means talk to you later (but in a non-commital way) and signs his name.

I am surprised (and happy) he even responded at all (though maybe he had a slow day at work??). So, now what?? I mean, he's written the most out of all the other ex-colleagues I've had contact with. But what in the heck can I/should I do now?

::: How exciting :::

I would respond and say thanks for the rollerblading leads/response/etc. whatever you feel comfy with then say I would state you understand he is not big on email communications and you would love to stay in touch with him so he can feel free to call you at _______________ number.

[odjmama]

Checking In: After that previous first date run, I have been on a dry spell. No dates! Granted, I've just been too darn busy with other stuff in my life. Anyhow, I still occasionally lurk on this thread when I can to see what all you are up to! Tonight, I deleted my okcupid account and headed over to pof to try other waters.

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by odjmama

Tonight, I deleted my okcupid account and headed over to pof to try other waters.

Let us know how that goes!




:

[Momtwice]

Originally Posted by Hollycrand

Firefly on Hulu? Huh?

Originally Posted by Hollycrand

debbie downer bs??
Sorry....I've been living outside the US for over 15 years...I think I've missed a lot of expressions.

Hulu is a website where you can watch certain TV shows. Firefly is a sci fi/fantasy series. Debbie Downer is a character from the comedy show Saturday Night Live who always turns every conversation to the negative. (And Jenny you are not being a Debbie Downer, we all need some love sometimes! )

[organicpapayamama]

ok so here is the scoop.... he called me last night and I did not pick up. I wanted him to miss me a lil. I called him back a couple hours later and the first thing he told me was this:
"you have not called or texted me the whole day! you dont love me anymore? where is the love? where is the affection?"

of course he said it in a joking kind of way and I used the same excuse he used on me, that I was very busy. We moved on and just chit-chatted like nothing. He also mentioned that if I lived closer he would be taking care of me since Im sick. I guess we are still on....

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by organicpapayamama

ok so here is the scoop.... he called me last night and I did not pick up. I wanted him to miss me a lil. I called him back a couple hours later and the first thing he told me was this:
"you have not called or texted me the whole day! you dont love me anymore? where is the love? where is the affection?"

of course he said it in a joking kind of way and I used the same excuse he used on me, that I was very busy. We moved on and just chit-chatted like nothing. He also mentioned that if I lived closer he would be taking care of me since Im sick. I guess we are still on....

Did you read what Seie said? Build up that YOU and YOU decide if his behavior is ok and if you wanna play his little reindeer games or not.

Don't 'guess' you are still on. Set your standards, make your decisions and stick with them.

I know, I know, it's easier said than done.

But this guy hasn't proven anything yet, and if I were you, i'd throw out a snarky, "Would you still serve me chicken noodle soup even though I'm not blonde and blue eyeded?" with a really jokey voice and tease the hell out of him. I can be such a little wench.

[JohnnysGirl]

F&#¤ing stood up.

He kept texting "it'll be another half hour, so sorry I'm running late" and when it hit 2 hours late I texted him not to bother anymore, that we could do it tomorrow or some other time. No text back.

Met a guy online and everything seemed excellent until he admitted that he'd "never ever marry a girl who had ever been pregnant before." What an ass.

I went dancing with a girlfriend tonight and we had a blast. I'm so in a men-are-scum mindset.

[Hollycrand]

Butterflymom,

I hope it wasn't our long chat this morning (your afternoon) that put you in that mindset!!

So sorry you were stood up, but glad you had an awesome evening anyways!!

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

F&#¤ing stood up.

He kept texting "it'll be another half hour, so sorry I'm running late" and when it hit 2 hours late I texted him not to bother anymore, that we could do it tomorrow or some other time. No text back.

Met a guy online and everything seemed excellent until he admitted that he'd "never ever marry a girl who had ever been pregnant before." What an ass.

I went dancing with a girlfriend tonight and we had a blast. I'm so in a men-are-scum mindset.

I am so sorry that truly sucks, not sure he deserves to see you tomorrow, which guy is this? And what a odd comment from the guy online I have never heard such a think.... I have heard men who don't care to date women with kids but never a women who was prego, odd wording and if that is the case why would he contact you? So odd.

Glad you managed to still have a good time out with your girlfriend. Thank goodness for good girlfriends!

[Seie]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

I am so sorry that truly sucks, not sure he deserves to see you tomorrow, which guy is this? And what a odd comment from the guy online I have never heard such a think.... I have heard men who don't care to date women with kids but never a women who was prego, odd wording and if that is the case why would he contact you? So odd.

Glad you managed to still have a good time out with your girlfriend. Thank goodness for good girlfriends!

I guess he doesnt mind f***ing a girl who's been pregnant. He just wont marry her Definately an arse!

Organicpapayamama: There is something fishy about that guy! I would thread carefully if I were you.. I cant put a finger on it yet - it just seems - off.. There is another thread going about dating where a lady quotes the book "the verbally abusive relationship" by Patricia Evens. I think its very useful for those dating!

(pages 151-152)
The following questions serve as a means of evaluation. You must trust your own perceptions and feelings to answer these questions. If you come up with even one answer you don't like, there is a good chance you will not have a healthy relationship.

Does he have a sense of joy in life?
Do you enjoy his ideas, and do you feel a rapport with him?
Do you feel a real connection, laughing together and catching meanings the same way?
Is there a best-friend quality to your relationship?
Do you feel relaxed with him?
Can you really be yourself without criticism?
Does he share his interests with you and express an interest in yours?
Does he speak openly and honestly about himself?
Do you feel warmth and understanding from him?
Is his humor often at the expense of others, or is it bitter or intimidating, or does it make you feel uncomfortable?
Does he seem distrustful of a number of other people?
Does he argue against your thoughts, ideas, feelings and experiences?
Is time spent with him not as pleasant as you usually anticipate?
Is his world composed of "good guys" and "bad guys"?
Does he seem to understand or remember things differently from you?
Does he make assumptions about you based on anecdotal evidence?

Argh - not it sounds like I am suggesting he is abusive. I'm not I havent read anything that makes me think that is the case. I just think its a great list alltogether that we could all benefit from going through from time to time. About your guy I just think its weird that he is on and off like that. At the least you deserve an explanation. But on the other hand - it could be you feeling insecure? I know when I first met my BF even just a day or two of no contact would totally make me think he was no longer interested - when it was just that he preferred to take things slower than I did. Things are great with us now and it was all in my head.

[LoveOhm]

I have not updated you ladies in awhile but I have been dating still just hard to keep up with all the activity of you gals! I also uploaded mug shots of three of the four guys so for those of you with access check them out...

StableGuy - I met him to watch a basketball game last week with some of his coworkers and he is so into me. He was interested in my writing projects, asking about my daughter.... just overall attentive. Also he made several comments about need to have me married before I get bored with domestic life.... and since he is older he is low key and done with clubs. He invited me to a spa out of town and wine tasting 4th of July for a weekend w/o our kids (my dd and his ds), not really possible for me with dd so young and her dad not around but it is my favorite spa! He has asked to see me twice a month at a min. and I said I thought that was possible. He has also mentioned a couple times he would be willing to come over after dd goes to bed but unless he is paying for an apartment I can't exactly invite him over to my parents guesthouse where I am staying, I am HALF tempted to ask him to get me a place it would make dating so much easier, LOL!

ThePrettyBoy - We did hang out even after I said I was cutting him, I met up with him for drinks and there was a whole group of people there which was not mentioned to me I was expecting time to chat with him. I had too much to drink and said somethings that did not set well with him (basically that I have options beyond him, guess he did like the ego but his ego is soooo damn big) since I am not into him that is cool by me...... oops.

TheGangster - I have not seen him but think he is good to have in the wing you never know and what harm is there in an occasional nice lunch.