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Never mind.  

post #1 of 16
5/31/09 at 9:04pm
Thread Starter 
Never mind.
post #2 of 16
5/31/09 at 10:48pm
If we trust people ti know when to be born, we have to trust them to know when they wish to die.

It's not about you.
post #3 of 16
6/1/09 at 9:57am
Thread Starter 
It doesn't matter.
post #4 of 16
6/1/09 at 2:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
Thanks that's very helpful.
We can love them, but we can't make their choices for them. It's hard to lose a loved one, but it sounds like your Gma is well over 80? To me, that almost seems too young to want to go, as I know a couple of very active people in their 90's, and my MIL is 86. (Although she deeply misses her husband of over 50 years who died a couple of years ago). However, when people are of a certain age, and outlived their partner, and have health issues, we have to respect they might be ready to leave us. Surgery at a young age is not the same as surgery at an older age. It takes it's toll. I've seen my MIL go through a recent surgery, and while she is not ready to give up at all, she admits it was an exhausting, difficult experience. If she had the same surgery at 20, it would have been a breeze.
post #5 of 16
6/1/09 at 6:00pm
ParisApril, I'm so, so very sorry. It's heartbreaking to watch someone you love go through this.

Is there a pastor or some sort of counselor that can speak to your grandma for you? The second to last time my grandpa came for a visit, it was as though the light and life had gone out for him. He recently had a surgery, and seemed much happier in his last visit.

UUmom-- I'm not going to quote your post, in case you decide to edit. I don't see how that is compassionate at all.

Many times, people make the decision to die, based on the idea that nothing will get better, or there is nothing left to live for. I believe that people should have the right to decide, but I also believe that the people around them should help them see the realities and joys of living.

And I very much believe that at those times when someone is grieving, their grief is very much about them.

My heart goes out you and your family ParisApril.
post #6 of 16
6/1/09 at 6:05pm
ParisApril, I've had one surgery in my lifetime, but I was of my mind on painkillers. I was told later on that I was saying and acting so horribly that the nurses would not come to my room.

I also took one dose of painkillers for dental work, and remember thinking it would be a great idea to take off my clothes in the middle of the house (this is somethign I would never do ordinairily.) I really do think that painkillers can alter your state of mind.

The doctors should not just let her starve herself to death unless she's making a rational decision to do so. Can you or your parents get a POA over her?
post #7 of 16
6/2/09 at 2:32pm
Thread Starter 
Forget it.
post #8 of 16
6/2/09 at 3:28pm
My aunt lost her son 10 years ago, about that time she found the strength to have a liver transplant and go on for 10 more years before dying. It was very very hard for her. About a year ago she died, what a relief it think it was for her.

[QUOTE=texmati;13862867]
And I very much believe that at those times when someone is grieving, their grief is very much about them.
[QUOTE]

This is true but I think the point is that when our loved ones give up, it is not because we are not loving them enough or giving them enough, they need to do what is right for them in their path. In that sense it is not about us.

I loved my aunt like a best friend, but she needed to go, she was done, and it was not about me, it was about her.
post #9 of 16
6/4/09 at 8:53pm
well if she is refusing food and her eating and drinking is slowing down then you wont last very long.

why is she mean? if she has lost her mate fo 50 years adn her pet she must be in a lot of agony. and she is taking it out on others.

dont know how to deal with that.

but i will say you need to talk to the hospital because they have support groups for chronically ill patients.

if she hasnt eaten or drunk anything in the past few days then what you are describing are end of life sypmtoms - not over drugged.

why do you want her to live?

last year i helped my xfil die. his wife passed two months before him. his sons even though didnt want him to die were supportive of what he wanted.

like pp pointed out the right to live is a personal thing. give your gma her choice. even thru the meanness. even though she can be cruel everyone needs to understand the circumstances and do what's best for all of them. which in my case meant i was my xmil's primary caregiver instead of her daughter. they just could not get along. it wasnt that her dd wasnt capable. it meant that her dd was too 'close' adn it always affects them the hardest.

what is the hard part for you?

your gma dying?

or her meanness?
post #10 of 16
6/4/09 at 9:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by UUMom View Post
If we trust people ti know when to be born, we have to trust them to know when they wish to die.

It's not about you.
That is so true.

Usually when someone stops eating and drinking, their body is shutting down and they are ready to go.

It's hard, obviously, but what you can do is be there for her and love her and let her go.
post #11 of 16
6/4/09 at 9:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by texmati View Post

And I very much believe that at those times when someone is grieving, their grief is very much about them.
not always. have you lost a spouse? the father of your children?
post #12 of 16
6/4/09 at 9:33pm
to OP

I hear about morphine abuse from my mom who works in geriatrics ALL the time. It is VERY very common along with oxycontin. Also a hard habit to break. Most the times the families are ASKING for the drugs too so it makes it harder I think. I have seen the withdrawal kill one's will to live too.
post #13 of 16
6/4/09 at 11:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowmoon View Post
not always. have you lost a spouse? the father of your children?
as a child who lost my mother to suicide at 4 and now lost my husband I will say that I often grieve for my children and understand what is ahead of them before I grieve for the loss of my partner.
now setting that aside.

I am sorry you are impacted by this situation with your Grandma. I can pretty much pick up what is happening and it sounds painful. (((HUG)))
post #14 of 16
6/5/09 at 5:22pm
ParisApril..it's funny I didn't read your OP before you deleted it...I was wondering why there was a "never mind" in the grief forum...
I did read all the responses and got the story (well some of it) there.
I just wanted to hug you..s
No matter the way/circumstance/etc..losing someone sucks. I mean the very word LOSING"..they are lost, gone to you unable to be found. And it's harder and more complicated when even alive it was hard to find what you wanted.

Be gentle with yourself..be sad, be angry..be you and forget the advice you don't like , mine included if you want
You know where you need to be, and how you need to feel. Listen to you, and I hope you find some time to smile about something wonderful today, and could forget the worry for awhile
s
post #15 of 16
6/5/09 at 8:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowmoon View Post
not always. have you lost a spouse? the father of your children?
rainbow mom, I'm very confused by your post? I'm just saying that the OP should be supported and spoken to kindly, especially on this forum.

She is grieving, loosing someone. How is it helpful for her to be told that 'it's not about her?'. I think it's very reasonable for her to greive for her own loss.

Paris April, I didn't get a chance to read your other posts before you edited them.
I hope that I didn't offend, or contribute to making things worse.
post #16 of 16
6/6/09 at 10:28pm
I am not sure what the original post but since it was deleted I am closing this thread at this time.
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