More info...
Sorry, I haven't been able to come back on. It is complicated.... she quizzed me about boys soon after I had my son, and I gave her lots of good info. She was pretty unsure about circ, husband didn't care either way, she was REALLY worried about complications/the procedure. She lives in a very high circ area. She had all sisters, cousins were all girls everyone she knows has girls, so she was very very concerend about having a boy, just because she's used to girls. It's funny what things people come up to be worried about when they are pregnant... she just always convinced herself she'd have girls and was hung up about that-- so the talk about boys wasn't just oriented on the one issue- she just 'didn't know what to do with a boy" Of course, I laughed at her a lot and was like 'he's a baby, the gender thing is really nothing that you think of with a newborn".
She seemed to really get what I was saying about intactness being normal, really wanted to breastfeed (I mentioned the midwives telling me that it does disrupt breastfeeding). She had spent some time in Spain and I SOOOO wish I had brought that up... at the time we were so focused on babies, my son was 5 months? maybe and she was pregnant... I totally didn't think of her past experiences. I also didn't really know as much about sexual function as I do now. I hadn't actually seen a little baby that had been circumcised either (that didn't happen for a long time). I understand (and still do) how parents think they are choosing the right thing and I was trying to be careful not to make intactness into a 'hippie crunchy' thing. Especially since she is open minded.
She was concerned about issues coming up and I tried to downplay them, but I really didn't know what I know now. She mentioned UTI's the standard stuff, but she was more worried about how to care. She seemed quite surprised how the care was nothing... and reassured- after all my son and I stayed with her for a few days, so she had plenty of live demos (LOL).
I gave her the Sears baby book (which the description of circ., really had raised my alarms, even though it is fairly neutral) and figured if I said much more I would only seem to pushy... and she's fully capable of researching herself too. The thing I didn't count on is her research method. Later on (too late) I found out that she called a handful of local urologists to ask their information-- and what she heard just made her too worried about infection etc. I really didn't pry much after that... but I know her really well and it just sickens me that because she was so unsure what led her to her decision was fear-based.
She's already had a 2nd boy- and I'm sure he's circed too. I do know I want to give her information to encourage her in her wishes (breastfeeding, positive birth) and I'm fine if the information calls to question her decision as long as its not over the top. The pieces may fall into place but I am not deliberately trying to make this an issue, and I'm afraid that this book may seem like that.
I know she uses the word mutilation (I was able to look a little in the AMazon preview) so I am balking till I get a copy of the book. I guess for now I'll just email her twin youtube and birth vids.
I've met the author of the book and just question whether her approach may just backfire with my friend. I'm going to be stratagizing how to approach this with her... she'll find out the sex this time (thankfully) so that may help. I'm most worried about low birth weight or early babies and that's where my strategy will be focusing, as well as supporting her (from a long distance) to breastfeed and have a well supportive positive birth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belle  I've got the book. The heading about circ says "The Foreskin Has a Function: Circumcision of Multiples = Multiple Mistakes" Then it has a page and a half blurb about circumcision. It is very anti-circ and pulls no punches.
I think the strong pro-homebirth for twins stance may put her off more than the circ though. Don't get me wrong, I like the book and agree with a lot of it. But mainstream parents might be put off by the whole book and not just the circ part.
If she's planning and fighting for a vaginal birth that the circ part won't come as much as a shock to her. I don't think it'll be an issue.
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Thanks, Belle, that's the type of feedback I was looking for. I think she'd be okay with the homebirth stuff, but I don't think she will go for it.
The reason I want her to have THIS book is because I think she's gonna need all the homebirth information so she can fight for the birth she wants and educate her midwives. I think she's going to want to go the hospital route but she isn't going to be freaked out by the homebirth info. Her sister got her more natural minded and had birth center births but she doesn't live in an area with birth centers (nor do I, so I understand the dilemma)
Her midwives will do multiples vaginal- but BOTH have to be head down... so I don't know how likely that is-- I imagine the 2nd is often breech and may turn after the first is born?? guessing here... but that's the kind of info she needs. I know she already has 2 boys and would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have a girl.... and her comment to me was I don't care what they are as long as they are both head down.-- so I believe she is very sincere about wanting a vaginal birth. This is from the person who has ALWAYS wanted little girls always and she's dropped that-- I'm very sure she's gonna fight for that birth.
At this point, she has a lot of negatives I really want to be positive. She's had a history of some problems and had ended up on bedrest for both babes, she's already feeling exhausted, etc, she works full time, etc. She's also in shock about having twins, as would I.
So I'm just going to have to look for the book and see what else I can find.
Thanks!
Jessica
