** TTC 6+ Months ~ JUNE & JULY! ** - Page 15

[lisko15]

Tear... the cramping I was having was really painful and sharp. Way worse than usual for my regular pre-AF cramping. (Although I also was hesitant to take Advil, so that may have made it worse.) I had to lay down a few times and rest due to it. Today its not continually crampy, though occasionally. I have had radiating pain in my lower back today (which I had when early PG with DD). I'm starting to think I'm imagining all of this!

If I'm not PG something is going on....

So much for not stressing, and trying not to "care" so much... but its getting tricky at this point!!!!

[lisko15]

Well, no exciting news to report. I couldn't wait, so I tested this evening, and though I wasn't completely surprised... it was another BFN.

I'm thinking BFN#2 (when I'm at least 15 dpo) makes it quite definitive now. I really hate when my cycle is this long. It just makes me so hopeful and then nothing... And of course, it comes just when I'm in a good "doesn't matter either way" zone.

I'm not sure what to make of the uterine cramping, etc., that I've had going on this cycle. I know I've had extra cramping for awhile now, but its been nothing like it was this time around. Makes me a little nervous. I hope my doctors don't blow it off as nothing... and run some tests.

I hope that your test turns out better than mine, Tear!!!!!

[KellyTTC#1]

Jill: I'm sorry about your loss I'm sorry that your DH is away. Take care of yourself.

Tear: I hope it's choice A

Lis: I hope your BFP is on the way... just a little slow coming

Not much to report from my end, just hanging out and waiting, no stress at the moment... other than when my BIL asks me how the turkey baster went... 2 dpo... I don't start the overanalyzing for another week or so

[Tear78]

Lisko, any updates today? I'm so sorry about the bfn last night. Are you going to call your doc today? I hope they come up with answers, hopefully great news answers.

afm, I took my temp this morning...the only time this cycle, so it's not particularly informative. However, based on previous experience it was somewhere between my usual coverline and my usual high mark. That makes me think it's probably falling. More spotting today, and I am starting to get sharp cramps again. Oh, and BFN this morning on a DS test. I'm losing hope. :

[jillc512]

Lisko, that no man's land is the worst. My cycle did that to me a couple of times -- two or three days late, BFNs every day, so frustrating. :

Tear, to you.

Kelly, glad to hear you're not stressed yet.

And to you all!

[Tear78]

Thanks, jill.

Looks like we need hugs all round on this thread. :

Looks like I'm out. Progressed to light red bleeding this morning after sharp cramping. I don't understand the spotting. I'm so discouraged.

[KellyTTC#1]

Tear: I'm sorry! I find the day before AF and cd1 the hardest. I know you're feeling discourged but you're strong and you'll bounce back.

It's going to happen for all of us ladies... it's just a matter of time.
(That's what I need to tell myself)

Last cycle was the roughest one I had in terms of my emotions... I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it this time. & I'm not sure how my DH stands me, I'm miserable and I seem to recognize that but I'm not able to do anything about it. I have about another week until I get on edge.:

[Court]

Hey everybody, you don't know it, but you guys cheered me up last night when my brain was spinning and I finally allowed myself back here. Just "hearing" you guys chatting and being so supportive...it was so nice.

((hugs)) Tear - and thanks for the shout-out last month or whenever that was I think about you a lot, wishing good things for you....

Jill- so sorry for your loss I hope your hubby is with you soon.

Lisko- hugs to you too, I hope you get figured out whatever is going on. I really liked your previous posts about focusing on what's good in our lives(the love, etc) and trying not to stress about ttc.

Kelly - I spied on you a little in the iui section, glad it went smoothly...I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

MrsTC - good to read an update, and glad everything seems to be going smoothly and that you have so much support around you!

I need a little crazy AFM time: my chart
So, I'm 13 dpo today and it's very rough, cause my chart looks better than usual, and I'm debating whether or not to get a dollar store test to have for the morning...or tonight. I'm just so freaked out, I can't seem to get my zen back. I feel so fragile...usually my temp is on it's way down by now, cause my lp is always 13 or 14 days. But is it suddenly starting to stay up till the last minute? I've been feeling nauseaus lately, but so has my husband cause we're both so nervous. I feel like I'm getting my hopes up for them to be dashed...I fully expected a temp drop this morning, felt like we would know for sure, but it went up! Is this some cruel joke? Okay, p.s. my son just came up to me and asked if we could go to the dollar store tonight to buy silly string (he's got a couple dollars)...it's a sign, right?

So, seriously, do you guys have a gut feeling about my chart? Oh, and if we choose a new name for the group, here's my tongue-in-cheek suggestion...
The "Hey, Do You Want it Done Fast, Or Do You Want it Done RIGHT?! Club".

Alright, be back later... thanks for indulging me if anyone's read this far.
love you guys.

[MaerynPearl]

Court- usually your temp is on its way down 6 days ago!

:

[jillc512]

Originally Posted by Court

Oh, and if we choose a new name for the group, here's my tongue-in-cheek suggestion...
The "Hey, Do You Want it Done Fast, Or Do You Want it Done RIGHT?! Club".

Court, love your name idea. I'll cross my fingers that your temp is not playing a cruel joke.

AFM: DH got back late Friday night. Even though he doesn't feel it the same way I do, he's been supportive. I attended a birth early Monday morning (as a doula). I got to hold the new baby for quite awhile, and I felt like I had to keep detached a little bit so I wouldn't get too emotional.

[KellyTTC#1]

wow! this is great! It's like a reunion. Court: I was wondering how you were doing!! I hope you have some good news to report soon! Your chart looks really good. I'm pulling for you!! p.s. I love the name!

Lis: I had a dream last night you were pregnant! I hope I'm right?

Jill: I'm glad that DH is back. Everyone offers support in their own way so I'm pleased he's able to do this even though you don't have the sense he feels the same way. You have a lot of strength being a doula. I'm not sure I can be around babies... I'm actually thinking about not going to 2 upcoming baby showers because I'm not sure I can handle it... is that bad? Please tell me if you think that is ridiculous.

HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE!

[lisko15]

Hi Ladies...

I'll start with AFM, so no one stays in suspense. CD1 today. You know, I'm relieved to be starting over. Sad and annoyed that now I need to wait until CD 40 to even think about getting "excited about maybe"... but whatever. It's a new cycle. And I hope to get in to see my doctor before its over.

Court - So glad to see you stopping in. I'll be watching YOU and I really hope its just not a weird cycle trick or anything mean. Did you get your DS the silly string or not?

KellyTTC#1- So, your dream wasn't true to life.... but funny that you had it anyway!

It is totally not ridiculous for you not to attend those two baby showers. If you don't think you can handle it emotionally, it is your decision. Anyone that knows your fertility struggle would somewhat understand anyway... and if they don't, well too bad.

My sister and I threw a baby shower for a friend in March - she announced her pgcy the month we started trying, so it was weird that I still wasn't PG when her shower came along. And yeah, it was HARD. They took "belly pictures" of the two PG ladies at the shower and I could hardly watch.

jillc512- I think men experience a m/c way different. They aren't connected to the baby through pgcy... so its almost not real to them until birth, or at least until they feel the baby kick or see it on u/s. But I'm glad he's there for you as much as he can be. You are very brave to hold that newborn baby... I will be seeing one tonight (taking supper to a friend who delivered by C-section last week) and I know I'll have tons of mixed emotions.

Tear78- I'm so, so, so sorry that AF came. You deserve so much to get that happy BFP news. Have some wine, watch a good movie, go for a long walk, read an entire book, eat a bag of M&Ms, snuggle with DH... whatever makes you feel a tiny bit better. I'm glad that we can at least all symphathize with each other here... MEN sure don't always GET IT.

Maeryn - to you too. I'm sorry that DF is so far away... I can't even imagine.

So ladies, do we want a new thread name? What is the general consensus? I like our exclusivity... snotty again, I know... but at this point, where we are all slightly "raw emotionally" its nice to have a place that is so, very, very SAFE.

and to ALL!

[Lauren31]

I think this whole group needs a hug.

I really thought this was your month Tear and Lisko. I really care about all you ladies and know that you will hold your own babies soon. I could not have gone through the year and a half of crap without you guys!

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by Lauren31

I think this whole group needs a hug.

I really thought this was your month Tear and Lisko. I really care about all you ladies and know that you will hold your own babies soon. I could not have gone through the year and a half of crap without you guys!

I really thought it was *the* month too

I am still lurking, cheering you all on. BFPs seem to come in grouops, maybe next month will be the month for this group :

[Tear78]

Wow, so much to respond to! I love this group, it is so sincere and supportive!!!

I'll start with Court, because : I'm so glad to hear from you! I've missed you!!! I know how hard it is to get your hopes up, so I'm tempted not to encourage you, but I'm happy to see such a great chart from you, and I hope you test soon, although you should do what feels best emotionally. :

Jill I'm glad your dh is back. I found that my dh felt the m/c just a strongly emotionally, he just dealt with it differently. Many of our arguments since then have been from me assuming he's not hurting because he didn't show it or talk about it all the time. NOT TRUE. He was hurting just as badly in his own way. I hope that you and your dh find a way to help each other emotionally even when your ways of dealing with it are different.

Kelly, absolutely don't feel bad protecting yourself by not going to these showers. People who have not been through this cannot be expected to understand what you're feeling, nor to say appropriate things. do what feels right to you.

lisko, I am so sorry that you went through all that suspense and hope to be let down. Especially when you were in such a harmonized place. I was hoping that we could graduate together. Now our cycles are lined up, though. Maybe next month we can graduate at the same time. In the meantime, let's both find our way back into our happy place where we're not so wigged out about this, and let's do lots of this:

Have some wine (check), watch a good movie, go for a long walk, read an entire book, eat a bag of M&Ms(check), snuggle with DH(check)

ps - Good suggestions.

Beloved and Lauren, thanks for the hugs! I really care about you ladies, too!!! Lauren, I'm up to 14 months of trying, and I'm wondering how you did it. Weren't you 15 months? It's exhausting.

AFM - I made an appointment for me and dh with our doctor/midwife. If there's something killing our little fertilized miracles, I want to know it. I really feel like I was implanting this month. Maybe it just wasn't a healthy bundle of cells, but if my body is doing something to them, something we could fix, I don't want to wait any longer to find out. The appointment isn't until August 10th. Man, I'll be in my tww. That seems so far away. But at least it's a step. I guess that gives us one more try "au naturale" before we see if there's something else we should be doing. I'm going to try to maintain my relaxed attitude, because I think it worked in the fertilization aspect this month, anyway. It definitely helped my sanity. Thanks for letting me babble. I love you ladies, and I'm so glad this thread is here! I love the exclusivity, and if the name changes I hope that it's not too cool a name that more people want to join. : What a snob I am. :

[jillc512]

Originally Posted by lisko15

Have some wine, watch a good movie, go for a long walk, read an entire book, eat a bag of M&Ms, snuggle with DH... whatever makes you feel a tiny bit better.

This was instructions for the whole group, right? Because this is what I'm going to do tonight...

to you, lisko and tear. CD1 always makes me think of this line from a Ben Harper song, "Like a solider long standing under fire, any change comes as a relief." Especially when AF is late for no apparent reason. :

Kelly, I say don't go if you don't want to go. I have avoided a few gatherings recently because I felt like my going would have sucked all of the fun and happiness out of the room.

I'm actually looking forward to my next birth, though (due date tomorrow!), because I'm starting to feel the cloud lifting and other people's pregnancies and babies are going back to being theirs and not "should have been mine". Not sure if that makes sense...

[Tear78]

Originally Posted by jillc512

I'm starting to feel the cloud lifting and other people's pregnancies and babies are going back to being theirs and not "should have been mine". Not sure if that makes sense...

ab-so-lutely. Thank you for saying this. It took me until just this past month to start feeling this way, and to take joy from holding other people's babies and playing with their children.

[BelovedK]

I accidentally posted this in the ONE thread, I meant to put it here.


Ladies, I am so worried right now. I am not spotting, or bleeding, but my NP wants me to come in for an u/s tomorrow bc my beta lavels were lower than she thought they would be I am so worried now. I don't even know what to do with myself What is the numbers aren't doubling? I don't know how I will sleep tonight

[Tear78]

oh, sweetie! I'm so sorry for your worry. Hopefully you will go in tomorrow and be totally relieved. It's so, so hard to wait and wonder. Try to assume that everything is fine and send positive vibes to your little bean. Pamper yourself and do something relaxing and distracting. I'm sending you positive thoughts and hugs, and I'll be checking in tomorrow to hear the good news. Hang in there, honey!

[BelovedK]

Thanks Tear I hope I will be able to make that 'i made a big deal about nothing' post tomorrow. Keep me in thoughts/prayers