Dear DS;
I am sorry that I am so grumpy at times. When I think back to how harsh I can speak to you, my heart sinks. You're a little 4 year old boy who is so curious about the world around him. It is wrong for me to snap at you when I know that all you want to do is help me. Your struggles for independance make me so proud of you! I wish I had more strength to seperate the little girl in me who was so badly abused and cut down as a child - from the grown woman and mother I am now that is trying to do the right thing. You are so beautiful and special to me and I am so blessed to have you in my life. I am going to try and be more aware of my feelings and my fear that come from a place deep down that I am still taken by surprise with. I hate that part of me which is inpatient and unrealistic. I love you with all my heart and I am going to work on it harder and try to get better at it, not worse.
Mama
I am sorry that I am so grumpy at times. When I think back to how harsh I can speak to you, my heart sinks. You're a little 4 year old boy who is so curious about the world around him. It is wrong for me to snap at you when I know that all you want to do is help me. Your struggles for independance make me so proud of you! I wish I had more strength to seperate the little girl in me who was so badly abused and cut down as a child - from the grown woman and mother I am now that is trying to do the right thing. You are so beautiful and special to me and I am so blessed to have you in my life. I am going to try and be more aware of my feelings and my fear that come from a place deep down that I am still taken by surprise with. I hate that part of me which is inpatient and unrealistic. I love you with all my heart and I am going to work on it harder and try to get better at it, not worse.
Mama
I can relate to so much of what your write. If I may gently add about what I have learned about hating any part of myself: it makes that part worse. If you can love even that part of yourself and look upon yourself compassionately, you will have more space to choose to act in a different way. I struggle with the same issues and have found this extremely helpful.
