how do you get them to just GO TO BED!!??

[peacepie]

quite simply, it's 10 30 pm here and i dont want to say one more time , please be quiet!!!!
our boys are 1 1/2 years apart, 9 and almost 8, in their bunk beds, telling stories, fart jokes, saying shh, then laughing; i remember vividly my father yelling at us to quit it(my brother is 3 years younger than me, we shared a room for a while).... so i know its normal, not like dh who takes it real personal... gets very angry.
i've had there beds seperate but they usually end up together, sometimes its friendly banter sometimes its fighting.
i've tried taking away priveleges and anything i can remember from how to talk so kids will listen.
their 3 yo sister usually falls asleep anyway.
i just wonder if there's some magic key i'm missing??
how do you get them to just lose that end of the day energy and just go to sleep without complaining?
eventually, yes, they will exhaust themselves but not before they exhaust me!!

[Leonor]

Just my personal humble opinion.

Is there really a problem of the kids exausting themselves to sleep? Are they annoying you, being too much noisy, keeping you and DH of going to sleep?

[MamaSoleil]

I agree. As long as DD stays in her room, I don't mind if she reads or plays until she falls asleep. JMHO.

Peace,

Mamasoleil/samson

[tessamami]

The only thing that I can think of is to keep them really busy during the day, and do a routine every night. But I'm not great at routines, that's why I'm learning from FlyLady.

But a routine of lay out clothes for the next day, brush teeth, stories, etc. done the same way each night may program them to sleep when head hits the pillow - a sort of winding down at night. . . .it might take several weeks to come up with a routine, however.

Of course not every night is like this, right? I mean, some days are more/less exciting than others? My DH and I talk in bed and DD who still sleeps with us does the same. Some nights DH and talk quite a while, others we go to sleep sooner. Most nights we all fall asleep together, but sometimes DD falls asleep first, sometimes its me, and sometimes its DH.

You might try to take an afternoon off, when the kids are in school, for some afternoon delight with DH. Or shoot for some time in the morning, if you can get up before the kids. Its tough I know, when you just want some time with DH to talk, or whatever

[sweet tea]

well..i have no experience with older boys..but my 3.5 yo..gets a book everynight before bed..if she carries on or cries about going to bed she loses her book for the next day..It works great for us...I know of other moms who use stars..everyday the child goes to bed w/o incident they get a star on the calendar..after 30 days of stars they get a special treat...a new book or pick out dinner..whatever..if they miss a star the 30 days starts over...

but with older kids i imagine the rules have to be pretty strait...no talking or no loud talking.....you know...

good luck!

[peacepie]

well, it is a problem, because they have to get up early for school, and they do wake their sister up occassionally.
we are in very close quarters here, so we can hear every little thing; i think the most frustrating part is their total lack of respect for what we're saying, go to bed, be quiet.
anyway i guess there's no magic key; but i will try giving rewards instead of punishment! that may well work; not gold stars but maybe quarters will work for my kids.
our routine is the same during the week but varies on the weekend, which i dont like because it throws everything off, but it is hard to get them to bed early when they know its the weekend. i find if i can get them in bed by 7:30 ( reading for a half hour),i'll be lucky to have them asleep before ten; if they're in bed by nine they could be up to midnight. sometimes our routines get thrown off, which makes for crazy mornings.
thanks for your input everyone!!
nancy

[calmom]

I can so relate to this! My big boys are 9 and 6 1/2 and used to keep each other up forever, fighting, laughing and yes, the fart jokes too. It took weeks but what finally has calmed down our bedtimes is ROUTINE- dinner early enough so we can eat together and enjoy it, go straight to brushing teeth, I will either brush them or they brush themselves and take their flossers into bed where I am willing to read for 1 hr if they get in bed by 7:00. It sounds like a long time but it's so much better than yelling, crying, threatening that used to happen every night.

I also found the more I could keep them separate after dinner, the better. If I leave them alone even now for more than a couple of minutes, all hell breaks loose. It's hard because I also have a 2 year old and I desperately want to carve out some alone time but it really changed things when I actually followed them to make sure they were brushing, helped them climb into bed and talk to them as they got ready. My boys remind me of puppies- the more they socialize with each other without my influence, the wilder they get! Good luck!

[anothermama]

I understand the need to get to bed at a reasonable time if they need to be up for school. It would eventually really take a toll on everyone if they were allowed to be up till midnight and then had to wake at 6 ot 7.


Based on what you wrote, I'll just tell you what I would do....but I don't know if it's a possibility for you.

I'd put em down one night and say "This is THE END of the giggling all night. If I hear it tonight, one of you is sleeping with us/in the living room/somewhere else" and do it. If it got out of control I'd start moving one of em. And then if that didn't help, I'd just start em out..one in my room, one in the shared room. I personally would think that it would tone it down enough to be tolerable and so that people get sleep so it wouldn't be permanent.

Like I said...thats just what I would do.

[peacepie]

i have tried seperating them completely; they think its a reward to get to sleep on the couch. its too cold out there, i don't like to let them. and they end up together anyway.
this is such a small place. it is hard for either of them to get away from the other, really. and they play and read nicely together(usually!), till the lights go out. then its the joking etc.
routines have helped but i think we need to better establish some. and i do have to follow them through it more!
its hard in the winter because they arent as active probably. and in the summer it stays light out so late so that poses its own problems.
ah well maybe theres no way to counter act it. it was the same when i was a kid, and it will be the same when my kids have kids. maybe someday they will have their own rooms.... that would really help!
seriously though some mornings are so bad i really reconsider homeschooling just so they can sleep in. so we can all sleep in!
thanks all
nancy

[TinyBabyBean]

I found a routine really works.
For us though it took about a month for it to finally kick in. Ours is made up of 5 things. I think more things in the routine would help it become established faster.

[angela&avery]

can they read until they get sleepy? even magazines or comic books or something? (not sure about content of comics tho). i knew a family who had 3 kids and two shared a room and all the kids would be in bed by 7pm with books and would go to sleep when they got tired.. and it was early!!! even the 3 year old.. it was truly amazing.. maybe you could get them each a reading lamp that hooks on their bed, and they turn it out when they are done....

or, i would insist that they stay in their own beds. i would say you may read or talk quietly, but you must stay in your own bed. and be consistent and check on them often to be sure they do. I think anything can be helped if you are consistent with giving and most importantly following through with consequences.

[journeymom]

Wow, lots of good advice here. My 9 y.o. and 4 y.o. still go to bed later than dh would wish. Later than they require, really. But it's true, when I do nothing but follow them around to make sure they're doing their bedtime stuff, they're into bed sooner.

It takes time to implement a new routine. You probably need to keep at it for a few weeks before you see good progress.

It just feels weird getting the kids ready for bed at 7:00. Many times dd hasn't finished her homework yet.

Dh thinks we don't have enough routine around here anyway. He's right. The kids have this whole week off from school. I can imagine the temptation will be to let the kids stay up late and sleep in every morning.