playing on his own

[Leonor]

I would like to encourage my kid to play more on his own. It seems he doesn't do any thing interesting if I'm not giving him my full attention. He has legos and puzzles and cool toys to assemble and disassemble, but if I'm not playing with him, he barely does anything with them. He's also not drawing like he used to.

Maybe young kids (mine is almost 4) don't play if we don't model it?

I don't feel comfortable bringing "helpers" to my house for now, so that's not an option. I really would like him to encourge to play on his own while I am at my projects, instead of putting the same Disney tape over and over :P

Is it possible?

[chocomoto]

My ds will be 4 in April and he almost never plays on his own either. He is very social child and just likes to be with other people. Ds2 is 16 months can play for long periods alone, either building towers or playing with cars, etc. Their personalities are just very different.
Now they play together and it's great. However, ds1 tends to interrupt ds2 if he gets involved in anything by himself. It's as if he resents that he's not playing enough with him!

Maybe you could arrange for him to have friends over more often? My most relaxing afternoons are when ds1 has a friend over.

[levar]

I didnt exactly do it intentionally, but here is what seemed to help me. I would start playing with Taylor in his room and after 5 or 10 minutes I would say "I have to go do xyz, I will be back in 5/10 minutes, you go ahead and keep playing" etc. After 6 mo to 12 mo of this, slowly spending fewer minutes before leaving and spending more minutes before returning, I now just say "I am doing xyz, would like to do abc?" I still check on him but only every 30 minutes or so. He has on occasion spent TWO hours quietly destroying all semblance of order in his bedroom...

[glad2bhome]

Hi, Leonor! I would like to suggest an approach from Waldorf education: children play better when you are doing your work. However, it must be in their presence and be something involving the body or hands, not just pushing a button. For example, instead of putting the dishes in the dishwasher (well, actually, I guess that part IS using hands and body) and pushing the button, try to make a habit of washing by hand. It's hard at first for children who have been played with a lot. Now, don't get me wrong, it IS important to play with your child!!! Just not all the time. Your son needs something/someone to imitate. That's what children at this age do and it's how they learn!
Another suggestion is to keep a nice rhythm going to your day. This does not mean a strict schedule, time-wise, but rather that you follow the same routine each day. This really brings a sense of power and predictability to a child and will help you, too. This way, you can work in the times during the day that are reserved for you and your son to play together, uninterrupted. I agree that he should have plenty of time with others during the week, if you can arrange it. In our house, that time is usually in the morning, about three days, sometimes four, each week.

For more info on this subject, I highly recommend two books:
"You Are Your Child's First Teacher" by Rahima Baldwin-Dancy and
"Beyond The Rainbow Bridge" by Barbara Patterson. The first book can be found at Barnes and Noble or ordered online (just do a search). The second is usually only found online or maybe order it at the bookstore.

My only other suggestion (sorry, I CAN get on my soapbox!) is to reduce or eliminate the number of battery-powered toys he has. These really take away a lot of imagination and do the work for the child. He will really "get into" his work (play) much more deeply if HE has to create the sounds, the movement, the voices, etc.. And that will help both him and you! (I know when we "Waldorf-ized" our home-- simple, wooden toys with no batteries, playcloths, etc.-- I saw a tremendous difference over time in my girls! People comment on how well my children play on their own and how involved they seem in their play.)

Hope this helps!

~Melissa

[glad2bhome]

Oh, and I agree with Levar about starting out with a 5-10 minute play together time and then gradually lengthening it. It would be a shock to start what I said all at once! Best wishes!

~Melissa

[Leonor]

Thanks Sandie and Melissa. It's worth a try

[sweet tea]

my 3.5 yo girl will play on her own with colored pencils..rubber stamps....and barbies. She also like to have some music on in her room...we get www.brightervision.com every month she gets a new tape, stickers and storybook...she'll usually do that on her own...look over the book and stuff...good luck!

[zombiemommie]

I know alot of people here don't do the TV thing, but since you mentioned Disney video, I thought you might be open to this. I have a 3 1/2 year old construction and fire enthusiast. I purchased several (3) "real" videos of fire and/or construction. The construction ones are narrated by a guy named "george" and he goes around the construction site and talks about all the things they do to build a road, or a house. Then I have one that is all about the firehouse, watching a firetruck put out a fire,e tc. He has little firetrucks, of every matchbox variety, and he has several special construction trucks. I give him a little jar of playdo, and he will play for hours, but it is usually the things he has seen in his videos. He will pretend to be "george", building a road, usign all the lingo, etc etc. To me, it is the same as if we spent 35 minutes looking at real construction work, except there is a worker on the video speaking to him, vs. me saying "I don't know what that truck is, we'll have to go find out". There are real life videos for just about anything, from the garbage dump, to airplanes, to farm work. These have been VITAL for me for like a year, to give him scenarios and help him with his play. He gets much more creative than that, and uses his little men to be workers etc, and branches out from there, but its like he has something to imitate. And I don't mind if he watches the video 3 times a day, because it is the same content he'd get if they were building a house across the street, KWIM ?

Anyway, that's my secret weapon. And he never sits mesmerized, except the first few times he saw them. He plays while watching them. We watch together too, and I've learned ALOT about construction ROFL.

[Leonor]

Julie,

That is such a great idea! But I have no clue where to find those videos in the UK? I'm sure the BBC should make some, but all I see in shops is cartoons and more cartooons.

[zombiemommie]

Do you have an Amazon.com in UK ? Like a European one - there is one I think...just seach in video under titles like "construction" or "fire trucks" etc until you find something suitable. That is what I did LOL and I read the reviews to make sure it was exactly what I was looking for, very bland, not too much music or dopey characters, etc etc.

I hope this helps you out !

[chocomoto]

We have the fire truck one, and I found it on EBAY. Even with the shipping it was cheaper than buying on Amazon.

My son loves this dvd and I do too because it is very educational.

[Nanner]

Everyone has had great suggestions. I just wanted to say that making sure *you* are busy with a specific task may really help him go do his thing. My dd turned 3 in Sept. and she is also very into having someone play with her most of the time. She is an only child, but I do go to school full time and I have to get the housework done during the day if I want any time for me or studying, so she doesn't have much choice!
I have found that if I play with her first thing in the a.m. and right after I pick her up from childcare (she goes 8 hrs a week to Mothers Day Out, then stays with a friend 1x a week and a babysitter 1 x a week), and then I warn her that in 5 minutes I need to go do the dishes, or whatever specific task I need to do, that she will accept it willingly most of the time. Sometimes she chooses to come talk to me or help me with the task, but after a few minutes she get sbored and goes off to her toys.
Also, keeping the TV off has really helped my dd to get into her toys on her own.
Helping him get started is a good idea too. I often do this and/or I suggest things my dd can do on her own.
Hope this helps!
S

[glad2bhome]

Yes! My children watch "Little Bear" every day at 5:30. That's it! The occasional video is a treat. Limiting tv is important because children must be able to rely on their own ideas for entertainment. If the option of the tv is always there, they realize they don't have to use their brains, just turn on the tv. That's only going to make matters worse because #1 they won't know how to entertain themselves with books, toys, etc. and # 2 will be bugging YOU to find another show. Just my 2 cents. I don't want those of you discussing the video to think I'm flaming you!! We have our own video collection for those occasional moments. Just introducing a healthy alternative.

~Melissa