Post-depression Support Thread

[granola_mom]

I'm wondering if there's anyone in this forum who is no longer suffering from depression but who need support dealing with the aftermath.

What I'm talking about is supporting each other in dealing with the negative things in your life that happened as a result of PPD, that you are still dealing with now. For example, I was really depressed after DD was born and never registered her birth. Now, two years later it is a huge struggle trying to get her birth registered and because I never did it I am now having problems renewing her health card and other documents

It makes me feel really terrible and guilty that I wasn't on top of things, and I have to deal with it now- it's hard not letting things like this make me feel depressed again. Having to face gov't officials, doctors etc and admit that I was negligent and yes, it took me two years to register DD's birth. Yet at the same time, the process of getting my life back on track is incredibly empowering for me.

This is just one example of course- it could be anything from dealing with debt as a result of your PPD or having to organize a house you let slip into disaster mode. I feel like I have a to-do list a mile long, all things I have to deal with from my depression days.

But I'm hoping we can comfort, motivate and encourage each other. Share our sadness but also our victories and positive stories!

Here's one of mine: I was really nervous my oral health was in bad shape and I'd have lots of cavities because I avoided the dentist while I was depressed- pregnancy through toddlerhood. Well, I finally made an appointment for a checkup and it looks like my teeth are still in great shape!! That was SUCH a mood booster for me and really encouraged me to just stay optimistic and keep going!

[HannahsMomma]

I'm just coming out of my postpartum depression. I don't have a lot of time to post right now but I think this is great to talk about. I go through feeling guilty about things I feel I should have done with my kids or for my kids. I too am having to catch up on many things that were neglected ie: my major housecleaning. Dh and I have been spring cleaning and getting rid of clutter lately and that has made me feel great !

I'll post more later...

[granola_mom]

Originally Posted by HannahsMomma

I'll post more later...

Great! Maybe we could post lists of all the things we've accomplished to get our lives back on track?

-begun process of getting dd's birth registered
-went to MPP to speed up health card process
-got my home organized and kept it clean
-started paying parking tickets on time
-started to get my finances in order-finally!! I'm saving, sticking to the budget, building good credit and not spending because I'm depressed!
-finally went to the dentist!!
-got on waiting lists for a family doctor in town after procrastinating for two years!! no more driving an hour to our doc or going to walk in clinics!
-finally cancelled my darn pager account and paid off all my unpaid bills after not having used it in almost two YEARS and wasting tons of $ on it!!!
-started exercising!!

I'm sure there's more...

[Litcrit]

A great idea for a thread.

I came out of PPD a few months ago, after almost two years of it (never treated; too far from civilization; didn't even know where to BEGIN looking for therapy in my country, where apparently no one's heard of PPD and if you gather the courage to talk to anyone about it, they say "Yeah, women all get sorta blue after giving birth - it's normal, don't worry"! If only being able to wish and hope and pray for death two years after having a child is 'normal', childbirth should be illegal!

Anyway, I was relatively functional during PPD - even to the point of writing my MSc thesis - but I failed on many levels:

- I failed to really bond with my daughter, at least compared to other moms' accounts of their love for their kids.

- I failed to integrate motherhood into my personality - it's strange and unpleasant to think of myself as a 'mother' - I 'am' many things and 'have' a wonderful daughter.

- I'm afraid I could just 'slip' back into it at any time. I'm afraid to really start living again because the memory of feeling (though not really rationally believing) there's no meaning in this universe keeps haunting me and undermining anything I'm doing.

- I lost some of my edge, confidence, strength, something. I threw so much of my energy into a dark pit just trying to cope and not utterly neglect my daughter and do all my duties. I forgot where to find more and why.

- I became cynical about pregnancy, childbirth, babies, children.

- I allowed many irrationally illogically reached conclusions to reinforce my depression and now they still figure in my thoughts, like "I wasn't meant to be a mom", "I can't enjoy motherhood", "I'm weak, pathetic, emotional, not strong like I used to think"

- I struggle to find meaning now, and I can't for the life of me understand why this has to happen to moms. Was it to teach me something? I learned nothing. Was it to test my strength? I failed the test. It feels like my life, which seemed to make sense, like a logically constructed narrative, was suddenly interrupted, and now that it's continuing, I can't get back to the plot, I can't remember the meaning it seemed to have.

- I can remember almost nothing from my daughter's first year of life, and only a few events from her second year. I took no photos of her in her first year at all.

I'm guessing things will slowly get back to normal, but my question is do I want them to? Before understanding why? Before rediscovering the "meaning of life"?

I was pretty religious before having my DD. I haven't abandoned my faith, but I find it hard to reconnect with God.

[lisasaurus]

this is a great topic. my son is now 2 years old. I recovered from the initial PPD/OCD/anxiety fairly quickly, but experienced a relapse this winter while weaning down on medication AND weaning from breastfeeding.

I am feeling back to normal once again and working with a naturopath to get my health in check. I am attempting once again to taper off my antidepressant. For me, it feels almost like I won't allow myself to feel proud of my recovery until i'm medication free... this isn't totally logical, i know. but it is an important goal for me.

I am also volunteering with the local PPD support group and helping other moms who are just beginning to reach out for help. It definitely feels really good to give back.

[K-Mom3]

I think about this all the time. I feel like I'm recovered but I am continually realizing that one more thing is falling into place again. Usually, I don't realize it was missing until I have it back. For example--my husband went on a business trip for 3 days and I didn't fall apart while he was gone. So now I have some more confidence about being left alone with the kids.

The other major thing for me has been parenting. I had a 2 yr old and a 6 mo old when my ppd hit and before that I was really thriving as a mother, it hadn't even seemed that tough to transition from one to two kids. A few weeks ago, I all of a sudden remembered how I had kept my oldest child occupied by keeping him by side and letting him "help" me with all of my daily chores and activities when he was a toddler. I had totally fogotten to do this with my second child. It makes sense, though, there's no way I would have been capable of doing that depressed. I'm gradually picking back up the good parenting skills I used to have. I still have a ways to go but I'm getting better!

I definitely still have anxiety about having another baby. Or about anything that I think might cause depression again. I'm completely unreasonable about it and it frustrates my husband. I safeguard my sleep and my personal time and go overboard to keep myself from getting too overwhelmed or stressed. I love my husband and I can't imagine life without him but I pretty much told him I was going to move with or without him because I couldn't live in the cold dark climate anymore (we were living in Fairbanks, Alaska.) We moved.

So yeah, when I started taking Zoloft and felt SO much better I had no idea how far I still was from really being back to how I was before.

[tappinerp]

Hi Ladies,

I am glad to see this thread.

I don't feel like I really pulled out of ppd until ds was about 2.5 years old. Right about the time I became pg with our second I now find myself terrified of going through ppd again- but try not to stress about it too much and just keep discussing options with my mw for what we can try this time. But that is another topic.

I relate to many of the thoughts you have shared. I definitely felt that delayed "attachment" to my son- and just really wasn't functioning well. I am the bread-winner for our family (DS is a full time student) and I HAD to function somewhat at work- and that was about the extent of it. Other than getting through the work day- I considered it a major success that I BF our son until he was 28 months. But honestly, I feel like that was the extent of my relationship with ds until very recently. I feel like all I was to him was his source of nutrition. Probably not true- but when your mind is so clouded with ppd it is hard to feel otherwise...

Successes: Feeling better about life in general. Paying our bills on time (Finally. We had the money before- i just couldn't keep organized). Made a budget with DH. Read a novel. More regular church attendance and family prayer.

[granola_mom]

Originally Posted by Litcrit

- I can remember almost nothing from my daughter's first year of life, and only a few events from her second year. I took no photos of her in her first year at all.

Yeah, I remember very little from DD's first six months- it feels awful!! I have very few pictures of her during that time too, maybe 10 if that. We just didn't share any experiences to take pictures of. If I try to think back to it, I know I spent most of my time with DD alone in one room. I only came out for breakfast and dinner it was such a sad and lonely time. I didn't live with DP at that point, I was living with my parents.

[irwinleah]

early stages of PPD

Hi there,
I just had my second baby 3 1/2 weeks ago....and I'm suffering from PPD. It really threw me off because I didn't experience this with our first daughter. It scares me a lot sometimes--the feelings of anxiety, overwhelmed, fear of being alone, etc.
I have been in touch with my Dr. and have started taking Zoloft. For those of you with experience with antidepressants, how long before you typically start to feel better? I often fear that Zoloft won't help and that I will feel this way forever (which I cannot bear)!
Can you just give me some reassurance that PPD does pass? I am starting counseling soon as well--just got the referral from the insurance company.
I just need to know that I will get better...any advice?

Leah
Ellensburg, WA