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What Homeschooling Parents REALLY Want From Partners

Poll Results: Re: Homeschooling, what do you most want from your husband?

 
  • 0% (0)
    For him to guide and supervise me.
  • 81% (107)
    Practical help with kids and housework
  • 3% (5)
    Both 1 and 2
  • 14% (19)
    Neither or other
131 Total Votes  
post #1 of 54
Thread Starter 
I'm just curious, because I've received a forwarded message, by someone on a local homeschool chat board I'm part of, telling about a free e-vent hosted by a prominent conservative Christian homeschooling organization. One man is available to tell YOUR husbands, for free, that you are less interested in getting practical help from him, than you are in getting his guidance.

So, now I am wondering if this is what "most" homeschooling moms are really wanting? I personally feel quite blessed that my husband is so helpful in practical ways, usually just doing whatever he sees that needs to be done -- and I also feel blessed that he's so willing to trust us to do our thing all day.

So, I won't be encouraging him to listen to this e-message, since I'd hate for him to think he's got his priorites mixed up, LOL
post #2 of 54
Thread Starter 
Hi, I thought I'd bump this just to see if there were any takers.
post #3 of 54
Wow...I don't need guidance and supervision LOL. I don't mind discussion and input, and opinions. Supervision and guidance just makes me feel like a child LOL.
post #4 of 54
Thread Starter 
Oh, I see that 8 folks besides me have participated in the poll ... so maybe no one feels any need to comment. Sounds like I was right in thinking that most moms think like me.

I also sent out a message to some homeschooling friends. The only friend I've heard back from so far (who has grown homeschooled kids), said she actually would have preferred the leader/supervisor -- though she also would have liked more practical help, if it was a choice between the two she would have wanted the leadership.

But it seemed she was mainly talking about wanting him to back her up and reinforce her rules with the kids. Apparently it was important to her for her kids to do chores and stuff -- which I guess is not an issue for me since we don't make our kids do chores anyway.
post #5 of 54
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by True Blue View Post
Wow...I don't need guidance and supervision LOL. I don't mind discussion and input, and opinions. Supervision and guidance just makes me feel like a child LOL.
That's how I feel, too. It's puzzling to me that there are women out there wanting leadership more than practical help. Practical help is such a godsend to me!
post #6 of 54
The wording is a bit off for me...I don't want "help" because that implies that the job is fundamentally mine and he's just a helper rather than a full equal partner in parenting.
post #7 of 54
I guess I should add that I'm the more schooled parent anyway, so it wouldn't really occur to my DH to offer supervision and guidance in the homeschool realm LOL. He really does help a bunch with laundry, watching the kids when he gets home, etc. I guess though if I think about it I can see how some women might need some supervision/guidance if they are not schooling bc it is their full choice, or don't feel 'able' to make those decisions...but that might be a problem in the relationship altogether, imo. To me, the decisions should be more of a partnership.

ETA I don't mind saying 'help' when it comes to some housework, schooling, and childcare bc those just plain ARE my job more than his, in our situation. DH is gone weeks at a time with the military, so many things really are 'my' job. That said, I never say DH is 'babysitting' his own kids. We are partners, but there are definitely things that fall more on one of our shoulders than the other (for example, he makes all the money bc I am home schooling/taking care of our children, and we like it that way).
post #8 of 54
i'm not clear on what it is being asked. i'd have to look at this man's website and really see what it *is* he's supposedly teaching to have an opinion. my husband is my greatest support system and he does help me in tangible ways everyday. but in all honesty, i do most of the housework. my dh does pitch in, but i'm in charge of the household. i no longer work, and i'm a full-time SAHM. my dh works 1 full-time job and 1 part time job so i can be home with our kids ...so i don't have expectations for him to do equal amounts of housework at all. i don't think that would be fair to him personally. however, kk does help in many practical ways everyday. if he sat around trying to guide me in *how* i should do "this" or "that"...i'd go bonkers. is that what you mean? husbands who guide (i.e. tell you what to do) but don't actually help???
post #9 of 54
i'm still trying to wrap my brain around what a husband "guiding and supervising" his wife would actually look like. what does that even mean? it sounds weird.
post #10 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by elizawill View Post
i'm still trying to wrap my brain around what a husband "guiding and supervising" his wife would actually look like. what does that even mean? it sounds weird.
My reaction exactly. My husband and I have a relationship of equals, and guidance and supervision has no part in it. That sounds like something a boss offers to an employee.

I really value and rely upon his input and collaboration regarding homeschooling, but that's very different IMO.
post #11 of 54
I don't HS yet (DS is only 4.5) but I don't think I'm going to want DH to 'guide and supervise' me...that just sounds annoying...especially since I'll be the one home all day, I'll be doing the brunt of the 'grunt' work so to speak. I'd much prefer DH help me teach the subjects he's natually gifted/interested in.
post #12 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post
The wording is a bit off for me...I don't want "help" because that implies that the job is fundamentally mine and he's just a helper rather than a full equal partner in parenting.
This.

We're not Christian so the idea of a leader/supervisor (sorry can't remember the term) in the family just feels wrong to me.
My husband is phenomenal. We're partners and he pitches in where ever there is a need. Most of the homeschooling stuff falls under my domain just due to time but he does lots of stuff on his own with the kids that has nothing to do with me - building rockets is the latest thing.

Karen

ETA - I didn't vote in the poll. None of the options felt right. I want a fully participating partner - not "help" and certainly not "guidance".
post #13 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karenwith4 View Post
We're not Christian so the idea of a leader/supervisor (sorry can't remember the term) in the family just feels wrong to me.

well, i am christian. my dh is a pastor. he's still not my supervisor though, lol.
post #14 of 54
I assume this is a group that practices headship. So with headship, guidance and supervision makes total sense. And it also makes sense that the mothers wouldn't be seeking much practical help from their husbands either. As the leader of the family, I imagine his role would be to regularly check in with the family to ensure they are learning what they should, and to reinforce certain lessons if he felt they needed that. And to tell his wife what he has noticed might be lacking. His perspective would be a bit different than his wife's as he wouldn't be involved in the everyday lessons, he could provide a more global perspective of the general direction they are/should be going in.

DH and I don't practice headship and I have not really been able to wrap my head around it but not for lack of trying. Sometimes I wonder if there's something to it that I just can't see. But that's a seperate discussion from the homeschooling one; just saying that it makes total sense from a headship perspective, and no sense at all otherwise. So I think the seminar is less about "homeschooling" than about "how to practice homeschooling under headship."
post #15 of 54
Practical stuff and other. I want him to be a fully involved and integrated member of our family. (And he is.)

"Supervision and guidance"? No thanks. I don't want a boss; I want a partner.
post #16 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by elizawill View Post
well, i am christian. my dh is a pastor. he's still not my supervisor though, lol.
Yeah I realize not all h/sing Christians follow that kind of family structure, but many do which is why it feels more like a Christian concept in this case, particularly given that's what the OP states.
post #17 of 54
While I don't like how the choices are worded, I would like more of my dh's input. He leaves all of the homeschooling decisions (curriculum, schedule, trips) up to me and will help out if I ask him to. But it doesn't feel like he's a partner.
post #18 of 54
Quote:
Practical help with kids and housework
That.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Karenwith4 View Post
My husband is phenomenal. We're partners and he pitches in where ever there is a need. Most of the homeschooling stuff falls under my domain just due to time but he does lots of stuff on his own with the kids
:
post #19 of 54
Help around the house= love it

constructive input= great

guidance= I have trouble with this word. Dh is a great help to me and I value his input and support when I'm having a problem but I'm not sure I'd call it guidance.

supervision= No.
post #20 of 54
practical help, yes; guidance and input, maybe; supervision, no.
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