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What Homeschooling Parents REALLY Want From Partners - Page 2

Poll Results: Re: Homeschooling, what do you most want from your husband?

 
  • 0% (0)
    For him to guide and supervise me.
  • 81% (107)
    Practical help with kids and housework
  • 3% (5)
    Both 1 and 2
  • 14% (19)
    Neither or other
131 Total Votes  
post #21 of 54
Thread Starter 
Hi, OP here!

The reason I hadn't linked to the actual organization and given its name, was that I'm not a member and didn't get this notification directly from them. I got a forward from someone on a homeschool chat board wanting to chat about the ideas expressed.

Anyhow, at the bottom of the email, there was a disclaimer from the organization, saying that this was just for members, and I was just getting a forwarded message that might not be accurate. So I didn't think I could really cite "them" --

Even though I have heard the same sort of wording from conservatives before. Okay, I'm trying to be careful not to plagiarize here, because this post was taken down once because I didn't realize I shouldn't quote without citing my source (duh, I should've known that) -- but I don't think it's plagiarizing to say that what I paraphrased as leader/superviser, they called principal and pastor -- and what I paraphrased as practical help with kids and house, they called teacher's aide or assistant custodian (or was it janitor?).

Do you think I changed the actual meaning to much? I guess I've always perceived a principal as being kind of the head and telling teachers what to do. Of course, I don't really perceive myself as teacher anyway, so if dh was the principal, he wouldn't have anyone to supervise anyhow, LOL.
post #22 of 54
I don't have husband 'cause my partner's a woman....but I clicked thread anyway! I didn't participate in the poll.

I have to know: who is the man who will instruct the husbands. Must google the name....
post #23 of 54
Thread Starter 
Roar, I think you are right that "help" is probably the wrong word. I guess like some others here, I'm home while he works fulltime, so I tend to look at housework as my job, and when he does stuff around the house or cooks (which he does often), I see it as him "relieving" me -- but really it's his home, too.

If I worked fulltime outside the home, would I see anything I did for my own family as "helping?" No, I'd probably just see it as parenting. So I don't know why some of us slip into that habit when talking about our husbands. It's kind of insulting. I'll try to quit doing it.
post #24 of 54
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
I don't have husband 'cause my partner's a woman....but I clicked thread anyway! I didn't participate in the poll.

I have to know: who is the man who will instruct the husbands. Must google the name....
Oh, I'm glad you're participating! I think I'll go change the title so it will be more inclusive.
post #25 of 54
Thread Starter 
I forgot to add that my husband truly IS a partner in our homeschooling/unschooling endeavors, in that our girls are learning so much through being with him as he gardens and does other projects.
post #26 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karenwith4 View Post
Yeah I realize not all h/sing Christians follow that kind of family structure, but many do which is why it feels more like a Christian concept in this case, particularly given that's what the OP states.
well if they exist, i'm not friends with them. no one i know IRL has a husband that supervises them ,lol. i'm joining a christian co-op for the first time next year though, so maybe i'll run into some of them. that would be interesting to say the least!
post #27 of 54
I voted other. The main thing I want is recognition for being the super human mom that I am. But actually dh is pretty good about that, so I can't complain much. And he already does a ton around the house as far as cleaning and taking care of the kids, so that's not an issue for me.

The other thing I would like is for him to entirely take over one subject, say history (he's much stronger in history than I am). Decide on the curriculum, plan their time, do the lessons, keep the records, etc. An evening or two a week, an hour on the weekend, there is enough time. Then I can completely scratch that from the other things that I am juggling.
post #28 of 54
I voted neither. The idea of DH "supervising" me gives me the heebie-jeebies, TBH. He's my partner, not my boss. And I don't get the idea of 'helping' with things like household chores or childcare - as an adult member of the family, care of the house is an assumed responsibility, and as a parent, care of the children is assumed. It aggravates me in the same way that hearing "My wife needs me to babysit the kids" does - um, they are YOUR kids...it's not babysitting when you are watching YOUR kids. :

What do we, as homeschooling parents, want from one another? I'll speak for DH here, too, in saying that we want our kids exposed to educational experiences and taught materials that we support. Basically, we both want to be happy with the plan for the year and we both want to cover the topics at the level we feel the kids need.

What a bizarre email!
post #29 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by elizawill View Post
well if they exist, i'm not friends with them. no one i know IRL has a husband that supervises them ,lol. i'm joining a christian co-op for the first time next year though, so maybe i'll run into some of them. that would be interesting to say the least!
We have a number of Christians in our homeschool group that follow a Biblically submissive marriage (I hope I got that term right). One woman in particular is a good friend of mine and I adore her. Her husband is the head of her household, the principal of their homeschooling and she won't make decisions without his approval (not input - approval).

AS a feminist UU it is an interesting dynamic to watch and not one that would work for me, but it seems to work for them.
post #30 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by elizawill View Post
no one i know IRL has a husband that supervises them
I've seen and met some Christians who do practice this. They even walk behind their husbands. Their husbands give them a list of things that need to be done outside of their normal "chores" and then wants a full accounting when they get home.
I don't remember the group's name, it was when I was younger that I met some women.
If I was "supervised", I would feel like I was not trusted to do the job or not capable.

I chose other.
I don't want supervision or guidance. I am capable of teaching my children. If I had his guidance...we'd be sitting at the table learning from a curriculum and that is not the way my children like to learn.
As for "help with the children and the house", I do most of it because I am home. If he pitches in after coming home from work, its an added bonus. But it is his home and children too.
post #31 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shianne View Post
I've seen and met some Christians who do practice this. They even walk behind their husbands. Their husbands give them a list of things that need to be done outside of their normal "chores" and then wants a full accounting when they get home.
I don't remember the group's name, it was when I was younger that I met some women.
If I was "supervised", I would feel like I was not trusted to do the job or not capable.
that's really weird to me. i think some people do things in the name of God that have nothing to do with Him.
post #32 of 54
Mostly my DH's part in HS is to help write up assignments, we do all of our work freehand at this point. So he makes up the math assignments, and sometimes some of the others. He also helps with questions that may come up on days he is home. I do the main part of the actual schooling because it occurs during the day when he is at work, but we are equal partners in teaching and raising our children from birth until we are unable to teach them anymore (not sure when this will be since at age 29 I still learn stuff from my mom.)
post #33 of 54
Supervision.......ick.....

Just step up to the plate and help me get done what needs to get done. Don't leave all the boring and grungy tasks to me. Don't assume I'm going to do the 'homemaker' stuff....I gladly do it if I have time, and i'm usually the one to do it, but I'd rather take the kids on a hike - the kids are my job. Be my partner.
post #34 of 54
Well, I'm a definite minority here, but DH is the primary homeschooling parent. He's been a SAHD while I've worked full time all along. I telecommute full time so I am home but it's a corporate job so I am actually required to work a regular schedule, but I have flexibility.

I'm more concerned about not feeling involved in DD's learning. So, I imagine that I am more involved than most working DH's likely are. We're leaning towards unschooling, but I'm the one who has been reading up on all the requirements, working through our strategies, figuring out what direction to take.

But, none of this will work if I tell DH and DD what to do. DD is a very self-directed learner, at my worst I am a control freak whose feelings are hurt very easily, and at his worst DH is passive aggressive avoider. So, we really all have to work together on this path so none of us feels pushed or ignored. So, I put together stuff I think they will enjoy so they can choose any of these activities at any time.

On a day-to-day basis though it's up to DH and DD to figure out what to do. I set up or suggest play dates, lessons, etc. But, I always check in with them first to see if it's something they'd like to do; I'm just better at organizing. I don't think we could work together anymore than we already are.

Holli
post #35 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by True Blue View Post
Wow...I don't need guidance and supervision LOL. I don't mind discussion and input, and opinions.
ditto.

My DH gives his input and opinions and we discuss any major changes or decisions in our h/s but I handle it for the most part.
post #36 of 54
Practical help with kids and housework

I think my dh could and will contribute a lot with nature and science.
post #37 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karenwith4 View Post
We're not Christian so the idea of a leader/supervisor (sorry can't remember the term) in the family just feels wrong to me.
My husband is phenomenal. We're partners and he pitches in where ever there is a need. Most of the homeschooling stuff falls under my domain just due to time but he does lots of stuff on his own with the kids that has nothing to do with me - building rockets is the latest thing.
Yep this.. this is not a business, it is a family.. we don't have supervisors. While I do pretty much everything related to homeschooling with the kids, I do share my choices of curriculum and things I'm plannign with my dh... just so he's in the loop & to share it with him.. NOT for his 'approval or guidance' If he said he approved of something I'd probably vomit on his shoes. lol

IMO it really sounds like this guy is doing not much more than giving husbands cart blanche to armchair quarterback... and be lazy buggers. My dh KNOWS I expect him to do housework etc when he sees it needs done, because we all make the messes so we are ALL responsible for cleaning them up!

Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
I voted other. The main thing I want is recognition for being the super human mom that I am.
damn, can I change my answer to that please? lol
post #38 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post
The wording is a bit off for me...I don't want "help" because that implies that the job is fundamentally mine and he's just a helper rather than a full equal partner in parenting.
Exactly. We're partners, none of the choices in that question sound right to me.
post #39 of 54
I was thinking about why "guidance and supervision" from my dh would not be what I want.

I know more than dh does about hs and handling dd. I've done the research. I've found the curriculum. I've done the budgeting. I took care of the registration. I've worked with dd.
If dh started TELLING me I needed to do things differently at this point I would be angry. He does not have more training at this or greater experience. If he wants to be involved or in a supervisory position then he should be doing even more than 50%.
I realize in a lot of families it is more equally divided but it isn't in ours. Even if dh did more I'd still feel that unless he had been hs dd for years and I hadn't or currently did the majority of the hs work that he has no business supervising and guiding.
post #40 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by elizawill View Post
well if they exist, i'm not friends with them. no one i know IRL has a husband that supervises them ,lol. i'm joining a christian co-op for the first time next year though, so maybe i'll run into some of them. that would be interesting to say the least!
I've met one father that h/s his children in a class we took a while back. He said his wife worked. He had a disability. He was one of the nicest parents I had met at that time, even nicer than some of the mothers I had met in that particular class, very easy to talk to. It was refreshing.
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