I'm due in 8 weeks with my third and when I find the time I'm going to post a big ole gripe about my mother in parenting issues.
: I have made
her cry at least once during every one of my pregnancies.
They moved to Florida from Iowa a couple years ago so this is my first pregnancy that they have lived over two hours away. Keep in mind that they didn't visit all the time anyway when they were close. She called the other night sort of feeling out when she thought was the earliest they (she and my stepdad) could come. She asked when the doctor was going to run tests to find out when the baby would be coming.
: I have no idea what she is talking about. If she means checking for dilation, that means nothing with me. I was dilated to 4cm at 36 weeks with both my kids and my first came two days early and the second was a week late. I think she would really like it if I would be induced (no way) so that she (and stepdad) could drive up and be here right away (no way, again.)
I told her that I thought she should wait a month or so to come up so the baby is more than just a lump. I let her know that dh is taking two weeks off work. I think her plan is to be here the first day he goes back. I tried to tell her that life won't come to a halt like it did when I had my first. I won't be sitting on the couch all day. I still have one child to get to school every day and one who has playdates and other commitments during the week. I'm not a homebody. Her brilliant idea is that I can take ds1 to school and ds2 to all his activities and she will stay home and hold the baby.
How's that going to work. I've breastfed both my boys and she should know how time consuming that can be.
The crying came when I tried tactfully to note that in the past dh and I have never left our 2 or 3 week old newborn with anyone other than ourselves. Our babies come with us everywhere. The one time we did leave our first with her when he was 6 weeks old so I could go to my highschool reunion it was a disaster. I asked if she remembered that, but her memory is pretty skewed about the event. We AP and I thought that when our second came around that she had finally seen that it works, but now I'm getting all the same old crap (I should let the baby cry it out, our second was such a bad sleeper because he slept with me until he was six months, extended nursing -- more than 2 months in her opinion -- makes children clingy and dependant.) Uugh.
The worst part is that I know that she expects that she and stepdad can come and stay with us. No way. Dh will have a fit. We simply don't have room, and they are absolutely no help when they come. For example, her holding the newborn while I take my ds to school at 8:00 -- not really helpful. Her taking my ds to school -- helpful. She doesn't get that though. She just wants to come for weeks and hold the baby while we do their laundry and pick up after them and cook for them. Definitely not helpful. I do find it funny that when I hold the baby a lot I'm spoiling it, but when she does it, it's fine.
Know that you aren't alone in this struggle. Stay firm and only allow what you are comfortable with. Though people may think that their presence is a help (especially if you suffer from ppd) if it isn't what you want, it isn't helpful and is actually just added stress. For the first two it wasn't so bad because they would come and just stay for a night, but now that they are a two days drive away, it's going to be a totally different story. I'm sure we will be comiserating much in the future.
If you want to be alone, let them know. If they can come for a weekend, that's one thing, but extended stays are just exhausting and are way more work for the new mom nine times out of ten. Especially if we are constantly having to defend our parenting decisions. Take a stand and don't waver. Your mental health and the health of your baby is what's most important.
Funny how the parents get so upset when our chosen birth and newborn period (and childraising in general) isn't what they dreamed it would be. I still don't know how my mom thinks that my having children should live up to her dream expectations about how it should be. She had her chance. It's my turn.
Boy, I really need to go vent in Parenting Issues, don't I.:LOL
