when he grows up

[kriket]

i've 'been around these parts' for a little while and i don't know if i've seen this asked before.

If your son comes to you as an adult and says he had himself circumcised, what would your thoughts be?

I would be sad. I would be livid if he did it for a girl/boy friend : I would probably cry and remind him that i gave him a chance to be normal and he should afford *his* sons the same luxury. I would probably feel the same way about any cosmetic surgery.

you? (include hypothetical sons! )

[Lovemy3babies]

I guess I think the point of not circing the boy is because babies oppose it and have no say over what is happening to their bodies. When he is an adult, if he so chooses, that is his choice. At that point, how can I argue? He is not circumsized, so he knows what it is like, and wants the change that for one reason or another. That is beyond my control.

[tutucrazy]

I'd be very sure he understood the guaranteed consequences. Sexual pleasure, scarring, reduction in sensitivity, loss of gliding mechanism, consequences for his female partners, etc.

If he still wanted it then it is his body so I'd respect his decision. However I would also reinforce the importance of giving his children the choice for themselves and how we can not impose our sexual preference on our children.

[fromtheheart]

I can't imagine any man would want to! My husband was PISSED when he found out his parents did it to him. He was about 16 years old! He confronted his parents and they felt bad and said it was just "what you do".

[perspective]

Originally Posted by kriket

i've 'been around these parts' for a little while and i don't know if i've seen this asked before.

If your son comes to you as an adult and says he had himself circumcised, what would your thoughts be?

I would be sad. I would be livid if he did it for a girl/boy friend : I would probably cry and remind him that i gave him a chance to be normal and he should afford *his* sons the same luxury. I would probably feel the same way about any cosmetic surgery.

you? (include hypothetical sons! )

Well I guess I would be concerned, and hoped that he was aware what he had done, and did it all for the right reasons. As long as he made the decision for himself, and was happy with it, I would be happy too.

The goal of all of the Intactivist movement is not to make all guys intact. The goal is that every guy gets to have full control over their own body. Him getting circumcised as an adult, would be him exerting that control, and I would be very happy for him, and hoped he is happy that I protected his right to choose.

[Laggie]

Honestly... I would be shocked and a bit revolted... but I guess that kids have been trying to shock and revolt their parents forever. :

Whenever I hear a story of a guy getting circed as an adult it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I really can't understand it at all. I had a roommate in college who had it done because his aunt and cousin convinced him that his foreskin was dirty and disgusting when he moved to Canada. I was horrified and still am...

I think, if I have boys, that they will have a healthy attitude towards their bodies and will never feel like they need to cut bits off themselves to fit in or make a partner happy. DP will make sure of that, too.

[Cheshire]

His body, his decision. We kept him intact so that he could make the decision for himself when he is a grown man and understands the consequences of his decisions.

I would hope that he would feel confident in his body and at 5 he already knows why he is intact. I would hope that we've raised him to really study all of the angles before making a decision.

In the end, we kept him intact because it is his body. I might not agree with any type of cosmetic surgery he might choose to have but I will "release" my obligation to take care of his body when he is old enough to make the decisions for himself.

[njeb]

I have two grown intact sons, and I know the youngest one is glad he wasn't circumcised. If the older one decided to be circ'ed, I'm not sure he would even tell me about it. If he did, I'd ask him why. If he said he wanted to be circ'ed, I would inform him about the negative consequences, and then, if he was determined, I'd be sad, but--it's his body, his choice.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by Laggie

Honestly... I would be shocked and a bit revolted... but I guess that kids have been trying to shock and revolt their parents forever. :

Whenever I hear a story of a guy getting circed as an adult it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I really can't understand it at all. I had a roommate in college who had it done because his aunt and cousin convinced him that his foreskin was dirty and disgusting when he moved to Canada. I was horrified and still am...

I think, if I have boys, that they will have a healthy attitude towards their bodies and will never feel like they need to cut bits off themselves to fit in or make a partner happy. DP will make sure of that, too.

Well I do see positive situations where a man chooses to get circed. NOT because they believe its more healthy, or because some stupid person convinced them of it. But because for body modification reasons. Like people who get tattoos, piercings, or even scarification, its about self confidence, and celebrating your body. If my hypothetical son decided to do it for these reasons and was aware of what the was doing, I would be fine with it. (as long as he gave the same choice to his son)

[Bm31]

I would try to be understanding. However, if he took that choice away from his own sons I would be livid.

[eepster]

Probably about the same way my mom reacted to the tatoo I got on my back.

[azchickie]

The point of not circumising is to give your son the ability to choose. By telling him you're upset or trying to force him not to---it's sort of the same as pro-circumcision people, but in the opposite direction.

I would be happy with whatever decision he chooses to make or not make. If he just chose it on a whim, with an artificial reason, I would be against it. But if he has a justified reason(s) and he's put a lot of thought into it, it is his body. He is going to have to live with it, not me. Although, I doubt many teenagers/men want surgery on their penises on a whim, or at all.

[calngavinsmom]

Originally Posted by perspective

Well I guess I would be concerned, and hoped that he was aware what he had done, and did it all for the right reasons. As long as he made the decision for himself, and was happy with it, I would be happy too.

The goal of all of the Intactivist movement is not to make all guys intact. The goal is that every guy gets to have full control over their own body. Him getting circumcised as an adult, would be him exerting that control, and I would be very happy for him, and hoped he is happy that I protected his right to choose.

: It isn't really, to me, that I preserved his body, but that I preserved his choice. I think that if he sees the importance of that (and I would hope he would give his sons the same respect) that it wouldn't really bug me. To me it is the same as if I had a daughter and she was uncomfortable with her genitals and decided to get a labiaplasty, or unhappy with her breasts and got a breat augmentation/reduction.

His/her body, his/her choice is what I am concerned with here. If it makes him happy, he is the one who has to live in that body so why not?

Take care,
Tara

[A&A]

Originally Posted by azchickie

The point of not circumcising is to give your son the ability to choose.

No, the "point" is valuing their bodily integrity.

[Treece]

I would hope that neither of my sons ever felt the need to so irreparably damage his body. That being said, if he did so choose, isn't that the reason of leaving him intact? So that he can choose? I would hope that he left that for my grandsons to make for themselves. Of course, I think the statistics are moving in our favor on that one.

[BlessedMommy2006]

I think the reason why men would even get circumcised as adults is usually because we live in a circumcising culture where circ is considered acceptable and normal or you are even considered "weird" for not doing it.

I mean, seriously, I didn't chop off my daughter's breast buds or arms at birth. Is she going to go get them cut off as an adult because she "prefers" that? No, she's going to recognize that they are functional body parts and will want to keep them.

Throughout my son's growing up years, I want to educate him that his body is normal and whole and that it is good to have a foreskin. I want to teach him why I don't believe in circ. Then if at some point, even after all that education, he decides that he wants to go get circ'ed, well that's his choice. But only after he turns 18. I won't sign any parental permission slips for it!

[azchickie]

Originally Posted by A&A

No, the "point" is valuing their bodily integrity.

You more or less ignored the rest of my post. Yes, valuing the body in the natural state is another point---but what's wrong with giving children the ability to be in control of what happens to their bodies? If it'll make him happy, I will support it. I would hope, though, that he would remain intact and also leave his children intact, but people don't always do what we want them to do.

Anyways, this situation is HIGHLY unlikely.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by A&A

No, the "point" is valuing their bodily integrity.

everyone has different points. or multiple points. I'm not a fan of cosmetic surgery in any form. Heck, it makes me a little sad when women think they *have* to wear makeup.

[benj]

hi, i registered solely to reply to this thread.

i am 22 years old and recently chose to be circumcised a couple months ago (the reasons are irrelevant, but i am not crazy and i did not do it to look like my friends) i realize some of you have very strong opinions, and that is perfectly fine.

i would just give you some advice though. if your son brings up that he wants to get circumcised, listen to what he has to say. you don't have to agree, but listen. from personal experience, if my mother was more open and listened to me more, we would have a better relationship.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by benj

i would just give you some advice though. if your son brings up that he wants to get circumcised, listen to what he has to say. you don't have to agree, but listen. from personal experience, if my mother was more open and listened to me more, we would have a better relationship.

i think that goes for everything! I would love to know your reasons, but understand its personal!

welcome to MDC!