when he grows up - Page 2

[benj]

Originally Posted by kriket

i think that goes for everything! I would love to know your reasons, but understand its personal! welcome to MDC!

i won't go into the details because i am a tad embarrassed but there are costs and benefits to everything. in my particular situation, the benefits outweighed significantly. i just wanted to point out that is was extremely difficult to talk to my mother about this at 22, i just hope that all of you do not have relationships with your children like that.

[kriket]

benj- that you can't talk to your mother about this.

sounds like you needed it for a medical reason? or personal?

shannona- what are you talking about? have you been with a circed and intact guy? intact sex shouldn't hurt just because he's intact, if anything its inherently LESS painful. if it hurts he's doing it wrong, a circ will make it worse. dry, looooong because he has less feeling, rougher (in a bad way)

feel free to poke around the forum and read up.

[Sasharna]

removed by admin

He should talk to his doctor. Sex shouldn't hurt like that. I knew a man who had this problem and he did end up choosing to be circumcised, but I believe there are probably less drastic measures that can be taken.

ETA: just to clarify, I am anti-circ and am not at all recommending that

[benj]

Originally Posted by kriket

benj- that you can't talk to your mother about this. sounds like you needed it for a medical reason? or personal?

both. technically i could have remained intact. even though circumcision was the most drastic option, i thought it was the best. the only reason that i was not circed at birth was that i had troubling bloodwork and an undiagnosed genetic disorder. personally, i like the results, but dislike that i am cut very high. oh and i have two intact sons that i hope will never have those problems.

[KissyStarfish]

We discussed this before our son was born. If as an adult he feels the need to have his foreskin removed we will support him and pay for it. I highly doubt he will, nothing sways this boy, but the possibility will always be there. I would be sad and feel he was bending to societies pressures, but I also believe in free will and the right to choose.

[Romana]

I would just be supportive and ask him if he was happy with the change. The main reason I didn't have my son circumcised is because I feel it should be his choice unless it is medically warranted (and he's a child). So if he came to me as an adult and said he had it done, I'd just want to know if he was satisfied/happy and if there was anything I could do . . . mostly I would just listen and be supportive. His body, his choice!

If he came to me saying he was thinking about it but undecided, I would listen, be supportive, offer information (verbally and written) and then let him make the decision (and I would support whatever decision he made).

[perspective]

Originally Posted by A&A

No, the "point" is valuing their bodily integrity.

I think its both. The practice of infant circumcision takes away men's right to choose AND their feeling of value to bodily integrity.

I think there is confusion in this discussion. That confusion is that some don't believe there is a good, mentally reason to get circumcised. I think you need to look at it like someone getting, a tattoo, cosmetic surgery, or any form of body modification. Yes, with most of these they usually cause bodily damage of some kind (even tattooing leaves skin damage). But often that damage is at the price of stating a message, connecting a community, or even building confidence.


A guy can get circumcised for the right reasons, and still respect his own body. But such a situation can ONLY take place if that man has been the right to control his own body, and has raised being taught to respect his, and others bodily integrity.

[KristyDi]

Originally Posted by azchickie

The point of not circumising is to give your son the ability to choose. By telling him you're upset or trying to force him not to---it's sort of the same as pro-circumcision people, but in the opposite direction.

I would be happy with whatever decision he chooses to make or not make. If he just chose it on a whim, with an artificial reason, I would be against it. But if he has a justified reason(s) and he's put a lot of thought into it, it is his body. He is going to have to live with it, not me. Although, I doubt many teenagers/men want surgery on their penises on a whim, or at all.

I disagree with the part I bolded. Pro-RIC people remove all chance of choice from their sons. If my hypothetical son, as an adult, told me he wanted to be circ-ed and I expressed my disappointment and tried to convince him otherwise then I haven't removed his ability to chose for his own body.

Leaving your son intact is, at least in part, about allowing him to chose for himself, but you don't have to be silent or without opinion when you feel your adult child is making a mistake.

[benj]

Originally Posted by KristyDi

I disagree with the part I bolded. Pro-RIC people remove all chance of choice from their sons. If my hypothetical son, as an adult, told me he wanted to be circ-ed and I expressed my disappointment and tried to convince him otherwise then I haven't removed his ability to chose for his own body. Leaving your son intact is, at least in part, about allowing him to chose for himself, but you don't have to be silent or without opinion when you feel your adult child is making a mistake.

i will be honest and say that by the time i talked to my mother about circumcision, i had already made a decision. i was not interested in being convinced otherwise. i did not wake up one day and decide it would be fun for someone to knive my penis. you don't have to be "silent", however, he is not going to make a decision solely based upon what you say. he can think for himself while you guide him in the right direction.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by benj

i will be honest and say that by the time i talked to my mother about circumcision, i had already made a decision. i was not interested in being convinced otherwise. i did not wake up one day and decide it would be fun for someone to knive my penis. you don't have to be "silent", however, he is not going to make a decision solely based upon what you say. he can think for himself while you guide him in the right direction.

I am curious benj, why did you end up getting circumcised?

[benj]

Originally Posted by Fellow Traveler

I am curious benj, why did you end up getting circumcised?

i would rather not get into the embarrassing details.

[MyBoysBlue]

I must admit I am curious too. I can't imagine a male not happy with their intact state. If my DH was to get circed It would alter our sexual relationship in so many negative ways. It's just unimaginable to me. I do understand your reluctence to get into it.

[benj]

Originally Posted by MyBoysBlue

I must admit I am curious too. I can't imagine a male not happy with their intact state. If my DH was to get circed It would alter our sexual relationship in so many negative ways. It's just unimaginable to me. I do understand your reluctence to get into it.

i don't have any problems with intactness or the idea of intactness. in fact, both of my sons are intact. i was having a series of problems that i could not find a remedy for. the two things i do not like about my circumcision are that it is cut high and "dried out." both suck! as for my sex life, i have not been able to engage in anything yet but i guess it is just something i will have to get used to.

[Cheshire]

No, the "point" is valuing their bodily integrity.

Isn't body integrity subjective? Isn't that why some people cringe at others who have tattoos or body modifications? Why some have no problem getting a boob job and others couldn't imagine? It's so personal.

I want my son to have a healthy respect for his body and if he wants to alter it in any way I just want to know that he's thought it through before making the decision.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by benj

i would rather not get into the embarrassing details.

I can understand that. Just so you know, nobody will get into you for doing it to yourself, it is your choice of course which is what we're about.

Originally Posted by benj

i don't have any problems with intactness or the idea of intactness. in fact, both of my sons are intact. i was having a series of problems that i could not find a remedy for. the two things i do not like about my circumcision are that it is cut high and "dried out." both suck! as for my sex life, i have not been able to engage in anything yet but i guess it is just something i will have to get used to.

I am very glad to hear you gave your son's the same choice your parents gave you, that's what it's about. Welcome to the board I hope you'll continue to contribute.

[benj]

Originally Posted by Fellow Traveler

I can understand that. Just so you know, nobody will get into you for doing it to yourself, it is your choice of course which is what we're about.

i actually did have some pretty embarrassing problems. hopefully, they are all gone now. but i was only circumcised about 2 months ago, so only time will tell.

I am very glad to hear you gave your son's the same choice your parents gave you, that's what it's about. Welcome to the board I hope you'll continue to contribute.

i just didn't circumcise my sons because it was unnecessary. i didn't feel the need to delve into more than that. i think keeping the body in its natural state and giving my sons the ability to choose are just benefits. and thanks.