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WWYD...Neighbor told DS she wants to have SEX with Him!! - Page 7

post #121 of 171
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I didn't get that at all. What did I miss? I got that a little girl said she wanted to have sex with a little boy, and people are freaked out. If there was something else there, can you point me to it? Calling it a proposition is weird. She may have meant she wants to hug him or kiss him or bump bellies (literally). Children interpret stuff like this through their filters, not ours. I'm aware that people are using the word to suggest a more mature attitude...but that doesn't mean that the 5 year old girl in question has that attitude.


And, again...I don't know what "big picture" you're all talking about. I don't see any "big picture". I see a little girl who sounds as though she's watched a little too much adult tv and/or overheard a few conversations she shouldn't have, and who likes to be "pretty". There have been references to the red flag of precocious sex play. What sex play? She lifted her shirt "like a stripper". What does that even mean? Slowly? "Teasingly"? DD has done that...at the same age. It meant nothing. DD hasn't even been exposed to anything like that on tv...I think she may have picked it up from a cousin who watches a lot of tv, but I don't know, and I'm not worried about it. What other "sex play" has there been? About the only thing the OP mentioned, aside from the "babysitting" of her little brother, that doesn't apply to dd is the comment about adult spanking...and I could easily see her saying something that off the wall. (DS1 once answered the phone, at about 2, with "what do you want, and make it snappy, 'cause I'm drunk. I don't think he'd ever seen a drunk person and I have no idea where he got that.) This isn't about taking it personally, because dd likes to look pretty. It's about the fact that I can easily see dd in the girl in the OP, as described (aside from clothing, maybe, and at least half the little girls in this complex dress in clothes that I feel are too "mature" for them), and I'm feeling pretty icked out at the idea that people in our complex may be talking about her strutting around like a stripper, or how seductive she is.
Ick - I mean really - ick.


No - we're looking at a "big picture" that includes...being a "miniature super model", "seductively" removing her top in front of neighbourhood boys, "strutting", "propositioning" a neighbour boy and making an very off-colour comment about adult spanking. I guess I just don't see the picture the rest of you do.


And, I'm saying that it doesn't sound fishy to me, and that the way the little girl is being talked about here turns my stomach. It's a very sexual way to talk about a little girl.
So do you just not believe that a little girl could be acting out a very sexual way?

Because it sounds like it from your posts, and that is a bit naive.
post #122 of 171
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth2008 View Post
First, it's highly unlikely she really knows what "sex" is. Kids at that age often repeat words or phrases they've heard. Also at that age I went through a stage of taking my clothes off with the neighborhood boys and girls that were my age and playing "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" It was all harmless and we were just curious to see what the other looked like. Honestly, it wasn't "sexual" as we had no sexual thoughts or desires. And the phase quickly passed. I would tell her parents only so they can be aware and maybe discuss with her. But if she was my child I wouldn't reproach her or be upset. She shouldn't be made to feel guilty for saying something that she probably has no idea what it means, and even if she does know what it means couldn't possibly understand completely.
This is my main concern about going to the parents. I don;t know that they will handle it very well, I could see her getting punished for it an that would do more harm than good. On the other hand I would want to know if I were her parents. I am glad that my son told me so that I could help him work through it.

Most of my initial shock was 'Oh My God I am already having to deal with this!!' and not shock over what the little girl did (and who knows WHAT my son did to contribute to this...he may have left some info out ). I am just not ready to be dealing with this.
post #123 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
I wonder about telling her parents. A girl that young shouldn't know about flaunting herself. I suspect sexual abuse in that poor child's life.
My exhusband's daughter was sexually abused by an uncle around age 5-6 and that is how her parents found out, she was saying things that she should have no idea about
post #124 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
So my 6 year old son told me today that the 5 year old neighbor told him she wants to have SEX with him!!!

WHAT would you do in this situation? We are acquaintances with the parents...I am thinking I should tell them about it, right? I would certainly want to know if it were my daughter saying things like that to little boys.

Also, what should I tell my DS? He is really embarrassed and upset about it. He is a very modest guy, and it really freaked him out. He does know what sex is, and I told him that it isn't for kids to do, then he told me that other kids in the neighborhood (10 years old) are doing it.

Now I am worried that my son is going to start feeling peer pressure to have sex. At barely 6 years old!!!

I want to give him some ideas of what he can say in the future if this girl, or anyone else, is making him feel uncomfortable about sex stuff. He just feels miserable about what happened...like he was sexually harassed. I guess I can be happy that this makes him uncomfortable and he knows it is wrong for kids to be acting out in this way, but still...

AAACCCKK I am not ready for this!!!

Also, I am not upset with the girl in any way. Just wanted to make that clear...if nothing else I am concerned that she is going to get herself in trouble. Some little boys may have said yes...
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
Thanks for the responses!!

I have considered that she may not know what sex is, but I think she may have a pretty good idea. I hadn't considered explaining that to my son. That is a GREAT idea! She might not understand that you get naked when you have sex...I am sure that was the main thing that terrified my son.

I am very worried about the little girl because she is seriously the prettiest little girl I have ever seen. But not little girl pretty...more like a miniature super model. And she flaunts herself around. In fact, I just remembered that last weekend I thought I saw her lifting her bikini top up ( in a VERY seductive way...like a stripper!) in front of my son and another little boy, but I told myself I was being paranoid. And she was chasing them around and trying to kiss them...and on Sunday my son supposedly smacked her on the bottom. We play around like that in our family so I thought that was all it was...oh dear. I wonder if my son has been feeding into this, and it escalated to the little girl saying that.

I thought I had a few more years before I had to worry about this!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
Okay...DEEP BREATH...

DH and I were just discussing this, and the responses here, and he told me that he heard this same girl say 'Spanking isn't okay unless it is ADULTS in the BEDROOM' to one of the other kids in the neighborhood.

WTF??!!!! That is NUTS! Why would anyone say that to a FIVE year old???


Also, I think that she does watch pretty much whatever she wants to on TV. I am not sure if they have cable, but I was thinking maybe she watches MTV or something.

Oh man...little kids are being exposed to way too much, way too soon. I am so sad right now I really like this girl. She is so smart and spunky!
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
I always wanted a daughter, but sometimes I breathe a sigh of relief that I have only boys.

Please pay attention to that bad feeling you get. It is very valid. I don't envy you at all.
It really broke my heart to hear that your dd's playmates told her that you thought parts of her body are ugly
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Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
No older siblings

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Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
Yes I can agree with all of the above. Our 5 year old DD also knows about sex and has known for some time. She doesn't flash but I wouldn't freak out if she did. She doesn't play sex with her dolls but I am expecting that and am not peeved by it. The point, however, is that this girl is making adult-like sexual advances. That sends up a major red flag.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
THIS is where I am coming from.

There is something that is just not right in this situation. This girl is left to babysit her (BARELY) 2 year old brother outside on a very busy road. There are a lot of red flag behaviors from this family.

I am completely open with my son about sex

Funny story-
When DS was 4 and I first explained sex to him, I told him that a Man puts his penis in a Woman's vagina, and that is called having sex.
He asked me 'how did Dad get a new penis after he put his in your vagina??'
Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
Yes I agree. But still when your child is getting unwanted sexual advances and it is making them uncomfortable it just seems like more should be said/done then "oh it happens". Even for little kids it can be a big deal. I wonder how this thread would be going if it was the OP's son making these advances towards a little girl.

Again it may not be abuse. I wouldn't be surprised either way. But let's not deny her behavior is a sign. I would feel awful if I just brushed it off and didn't keep my eyes open or tell her mom about it conversation (not in accusation) only to find out there was abuse. I'm more worried about the little girl. It's just always a good idea to veer on the side of caution. But no I wouldn't go calling the cops or watching them through their windows or anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
I toatally agree with this. At first, he just told us that she tried to kiss him. I actually told him 'She is VERY pretty girl, you should be flattered that she tried to kiss you, not embarrassed'
I NEVER would have said that to him if he were a girl...never. I just couldn't even believe myself
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
Well, that is a relief. I hope she did hear it on tv.

IDK, tho, there are alot of red flags going up...including that she is left to watch her brother while he is outside, and he is barely 2. We live on a VERY busy road.
I have found him wandering in MY driveway numerous times, completely alone!
It really worries me that someone is going to call CSD thinking it is MY kid (I have a 18 month boy) and report me. How would I prove that it wasn't my son??
I think it is time to have a little chat with this family. I am scared that I am going to get the girl in trouble, though.
So here's the op's earlier posts all in one convenient location.

I think it's clear everyone here agrees that we should protect our kids (avoid the other kid if they make you uncomfortable). In so far as the op's son is concerned, it ultimately doesn't matter if the little girl is being abused or not. He's uncomfortable, the OP has not so positive feelings about the situation. She should (and it sounds like she certainly is) follow what her instinct is telling her.

I don't think anyone's suggesting anything crazy, just to keep eyes and ears open, and to say something to the parents if you really feel it's necessary. But I hear everyone saying for the OP to be sensitive to her son (which it sounds like she is) and to watch out for him (which she is also doing).

FTR, I personally still see the described behaviors, combined with the young girl's environment, as some red flags of potential abuse happening. Also, when other people who openly admit they were molested and who would know firsthand what the signs are and can recognize that feeling in your gut saying a situation just isn't sounding safe, say they see some red flags, I am inclined to listen since those folks have BTDT.

OP, my heart is with you and I hope you are able to find a way to navigate these waters and to keep your family safe.
post #125 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
So do you just not believe that a little girl could be acting out a very sexual way?

Because it sounds like it from your posts, and that is a bit naive.
I missed where I said that, or even implied it.
I don't see the red flags the rest of you see, is what I'm saying.

I've seen kids acting out sexually, and nothing you describe comes even close to what I've seen. What you've described does apply to perfectly normal kids I've known, though.

I still don't know what the red flags are here, to tell the truth.
post #126 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adsullata View Post
FAlso, when other people who openly admit they were molested and who would know firsthand what the signs are and can recognize that feeling in your gut saying a situation just isn't sounding safe, say they see some red flags, I am inclined to listen since those folks have BTDT.
I've been molested, too. It's not a guarantee of some kind of ESP, or perfect awareness of this stuff, you know. I still don't see red flags in this particular case. FWIW, the kids I've known who behaved in a fashion closest to what the OP describes are kids that I'm reasonably sure (you can almost never be 100%) haven't been molested...including dd. The ones who I know have been molested have generally acted out in a much more blatantly sexual manner...or they've been very withdrawn.

Quite honestly, the single thing about all of this that I find the most worrisome (aside from the not-properly-supervised toddler) is the OP's own words to her son, here:

Quote:
At first, he just told us that she tried to kiss him. I actually told him 'She is VERY pretty girl, you should be flattered that she tried to kiss you, not embarrassed'
...and I'm really glad she said she couldn't believe herself. First of all, the "she's pretty, so a kiss is good" is just...ick. What if an ugly, but very sweet girl tried to kiss him? Invalidating a child's discomfort with someone else's attempts to show affection also wigs me out, and that's about as far as my legacy of molestation takes me here. (The wife of my abuser did this routinely, although to a much greater extent than the OP.)
post #127 of 171
Adsullata: THANK YOU for gathering all of that and posting it in one place.

Anyone who reads allof the OPs posts, back to back, and doesn't feel AT LEAST mildly concerned for this girl, is way off base IMO. I'm sorry.

As for the "What, she's pretty, so she's ASKING to be abused" - oh my goodness, get ahold of yourselves mamas!! No one is saying that. It's not about her being pretty...she is one of those little girls who does not have the pretty, round little face of a girl...you know? Her face is not childlike..she is one of those girls, who has a prety ADULT LIKE face...that looks like a miniature version of a grown womans pretty face...so, she's got adult looks, is moving in seductive ways, like an adult and is suing adult language. All I'm saying, all anyone else is saying, is that is a perfect storm for trobule for this five year old. I'm shocked and insulted that some of you would actually believe that any of us are suggesting ANYTHING bad about this girl...we are saying, that she could be in danger...NOT that she is a little stripper, or a whatever else..derrogatory word for "easy lady" - that's disusgting that any of you would actually believe that we would be saying that.

Whatever...again, I'm just the mom of a 1 year old DD, who is OBVISOULY way out of touch with the times...since I didn't knwo that it's now normal for 10/11/12 year olds to be having sex....ha! Not in my damn house it's not! Are you joking?? TEN? When I was ten, I was wearing floral leggings and eating my boogers. Geez you guys..that's way way jaded, that you wold think that 11 or 12 yar olds having sex is "no biggie".

Stormie....you know I love ya...but I completely disagree with you about first sexual experiences. Maybe it's just me being dreamy and stupid...but I DO believe, that the decision to have sex for the first time is a big, spiritual decision. I do not view it is scientifically as you do. Yes, one moment you have an intact hymen and the next you don't...but that's the boring part. The truly remarkable..OR the truly dreadful...part, is the part where a girl either makes a spirited, whole hearted, meaningful decision to do something she is completely comfortable with...that is special to her and which will live on as an important day in her life....OR...the part where a girl makes a decision based on someone elses needs/wants, which is NOT special for her and does NOT make her feel special and happy and cared for and empowered. I would rather the former for MY DD....that's all I'm saying.

I DO think it's special...I DO think it's something beyond a physical happening. It's making the decision to step out of yourself as a girl, and into a young woman...into your life as a sexually active being. THAT MEANS SOMETHING...that's SOMETHING. I don't know what it is..I'm not ashamed to admit, that the power to make that decision was stolen from me and that I don't really KNOW that this is true....but I think it can be something really wonderful and I think it SHOULD have special value placed upon it...for the GIRL. Not as a thing to own or guard or whatever else...it belongs to a GIRL...and it is hers to do with what she wishes. And when she finds someone special, that she wants to share that first time with...I think it SHOULD be a big deal and I think she SHOULD have a conversation with the young man in question..he should know it's her first time...it should be a celebration of that first...a celebration of the first uniting with another body, for what I view to be a sacred act.

So. That's my view...I respect yours, but I think the idea behind it cheats a woman from celebrating something which should be important to her...if it is. If it's not important to you...that's fine, but I want it to be important to my DD...not in the traditional "maiden flower" sense....but a celebration. The marking of a new chapter in her life....that's what it is...turning a page, which can never be turned back again. It is one of those moments, where you can never go back. It's like your first menstrual time, delivering your first child....becoming someone's life partner. Whatever happens to you after that point...you never can be again, who you were before. It's MAGIC. It should be a really cool, really awesome day in your life.
post #128 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I missed where I said that, or even implied it.
I don't see the red flags the rest of you see, is what I'm saying.

I've seen kids acting out sexually, and nothing you describe comes even close to what I've seen. What you've described does apply to perfectly normal kids I've known, though.

I still don't know what the red flags are here, to tell the truth.
But there are those of us who do see the red flags, have seen them before and had it led to something. There is even a mama who posted just a few up with that experience.

Yes it can mean nothing but why is there this insistence it is nothing? Again why not just be cautious? I think there are people just taking this way too personally who are unable to be subjective. At very least those of us who are concerned are willing to admit that it could be nothing. Usually the most insistent ones are the ones unable to separate themselves from the situation. Sure you could all be right but you know there is just no harm in keeping your eyes open.

And we REALLY need to get off the pretty statement. My gosh how horrid she said she was pretty. I say that about every child. It's so odd we can make a mountain out of a mole hill about a woman calling a child pretty to her son and yet not see an issue when a child is showing classic signs of abuse. : I am way less concerned with the OP calling the girl pretty than with the question "what if she was ugly?" Huh? So you think 5 year olds can be ugly and furthermore think that if a mother points one's prettiness out than she would be inclined to say "wow! that kid is ugly?" Should I be laughing or crying here? There were a few of us calling our own DDs pretty and beautiful not too long ago on this thread. Should there be concern over that? What if our DDs were ugly? It just is really detereing from the real issues.
post #129 of 171
Then call cps op, because we all know young girls are less likely to be molested in foster homes, right?

I mean, I just don't know what the OP is meant to do other than to tell her son not to engage if he feels uncomfortable -- or to talk to the parents about it.

Just don't open with, "your five year old kid is performing stripteases for the neighborhood boys" unless you are asking for trouble. I'm just sayin'.

I only commented on the pretty thing when posters were like, no you don't get it, she is PRETTY. It sounded to me like they were suggesting that she was bound to be molested or abused because she was pretty. Which is, ick.
post #130 of 171
dubfam~ You are doing the right thing being mindful.

I can honestly say that I very well may have said a similar thing to one of my DDs if she came to me as a knee-jerk reaction to make her feel better.

Honestly I hope I have a conscious neighbor like you so if my daughter was in danger and I didn't see it I would know. When it comes to things like this it is such a disservice to the child to sit and rationalize it away. At very least we should be conscious and alert for the children's sake.

:
post #131 of 171
My 5yo DD doesn't know about sex...if she asked i'd tell her, but it hasn't come up. We don't have cable, i don't let her play with toys i deem inappropriate (bratz, for example)...she dresses modestly. So to me, this isn't normal behavior.

That being said...i was totally boy and sex obsessed at a really young age. I'm not sure why, because i wasn't abused but i must've heard someone talking about it! My barbies had orgies all the time.

I have friends with kids around age 8 watch MTV and love to dance sexy like the girls on the rap videos and can't wait until they get "big boobs". It disgusts me...but nothing i can do about it.

The spanking thing...and the flashing...there is a chance this girl might have seen porn? I'm just throwing it out there...but maybe her mom or dad left something up on the computer or in the dvd player...it's possible.

I'd call CPS because of the watching her little brother thing...that's total crap. My bff got CPS called on her when she left her 4yo DD outside their apt. with a group of other moms. My friend didn't ask if anyone would watch her...and the other moms called CPS. yeah, my friend was an idiot...all I'm saying is calling CPS in that situation is NOT out of line.
post #132 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just My Opinion View Post
Then call cps op, because we all know young girls are less likely to be molested in foster homes, right?
There have been very few of us suggesting that for one. For two we're evil for even thinking of abuse in this case but you can make sarcastic broad statements about foster parents? Hmmm.... That's a whole other discussion though. My point is why be so knee-jerk about it? The majority of us and the OP are simply looking to the "be alert" route.

Quote:
I mean, I just don't know what the OP is meant to do other than to tell her son not to engage if he feels uncomfortable -- or to talk to the parents about it.
Keep her eyes and ears open for other signs of abuse and go from there.
Make sure the little girl isn't be taking advantage of my the older neighborhood kids by the same means.
Be a mindful neighbor and simply pay attention to the children around her and her children.
Quote:
Just don't open with, "your five year old kid is performing stripteases for the neighborhood boys" unless you are asking for trouble. I'm just sayin'.
Where did it say she should or would? As a matter of fact there have been posts where we have discussed her taking it to the parents and not in the manner above.

Quote:
I only commented on the pretty thing when posters were like, no you don't get it, she is PRETTY. It sounded to me like they were suggesting that she was bound to be molested or abused because she was pretty. Which is, ick.
Yes, that is very ick. And also not what was said by anyone at all.
post #133 of 171
A few thoughts on the matter...

* Lifting a shirt up at 5 is okay, and can seem very seductive to adults through our twisted minds.

* Saying "spanking is okay only with adults in the bedroom" kind of comment is definitely either overheard, or walked in. It doesn't even have to be S&M If a kid saw it, parents could conjure up a quick explanation. TV is also a likely source. Nothing strange. Nothing new.

* "I wanna have sex with you" is not something you would say if you were abused at that age. Asked me how I know.

* I think it is very likely the kid has no idea what sex actually is, or has had a discussion about it recently with her parents and interpreting it into play.

* Kids say that kind-a stuff because they are learning what sex is, and exploring. trying to figure out how it works. I was 5 when I got my first kiss. We did that a lot with my friend who I was convinced I will be my husband. We were 5. I wonder if you throw in cable TV of today, and I'd be talking to him about sex.

* The only valid concern described here is busy road and a 2 year old, oh and of course, good old intuition, which is not to be underestimated. Everything else seems normal to me.
post #134 of 171
Good point. Why are so few people saying they see red flags but they don't think it's appropriate to call CPS?

Watch out for her own boy, but the girl is on her own because she's been dealt the hand of parents who think it's ok to give her the responsibilty of caring for a two year old. Yes, the two year old. Where is the outrage over that?
post #135 of 171
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For example- it is normal for a 5 year old girl to want to look pretty or even sexy. But is it ok for a 5 year old girl to wear a mini skirt and a tube top? A padded bikini top? Full on makeup? I am guessing we're all going to have different standards for "dress up" and when dress up is no longer dress up but the norm.
My 6 year old wears a padded top to hide her breast buds. Within the next year she will start wearing a bra (she actually wants one now because her breasts are visible through some shirts). These "padded" bikini tops DO NOT create the illusion of a full breast... it is almost impossible to tell they are padded, unless you are looking closely.
post #136 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZTMOM View Post
Good point. Why are so few people saying they see red flags but they don't think it's appropriate to call CPS?

Watch out for her own boy, but the girl is on her own because she's been dealt the hand of parents who think it's ok to give her the responsibilty of caring for a two year old. Yes, the two year old. Where is the outrage over that?
The 2 year old thing yes I can understand that with CPS. But the thing is CPS doesn't do jack crap- at least in my area- so that is why we didn't call when we had a similar situation. I won't even get into what they have walked away from

Let me as you- do you automatically call the fire department when you see smoke coming from your neighbor's backyard? Just because there is smoke doesn't mean there is an uncontrolled fire. He could be BBQing. Why not just peek over the fence or better yet knock on his door and ask? When there is no definite sign calling the authorities is just knee-jerk. But definitely watch out. Don't tell yourself "oh he is just BBQing" and walk away only to have your neighbor's house burn down if not more damage done.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amylcd View Post
My 6 year old wears a padded top to hide her breast buds. Within the next year she will start wearing a bra (she actually wants one now because her breasts are visible through some shirts). These "padded" bikini tops DO NOT create the illusion of a full breast... it is almost impossible to tell they are padded, unless you are looking closely.
I also developed that young.

There are outfits out there that are meant to give that impression. Two different padded tops could be being talked about here. There are outfits that are meant to be more mature and adult-like for our little girls.
post #137 of 171
Sorry to add onto the end of what I was saying in my PP- and for little boys too. I am a little girl-centric if anyone can guess why
post #138 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
So, after walking away from this thread for the afternoon and thinking...I think the little girl probably doesn't have anyone around safegaurding her innocence...she probably watches way too much TV and is privy to adult conversations she shouldn't be...I think it's absolutely tragic...just, unspeakable, that this child is too busy tryin to be sexy, to play out the rest of her childhood. I'm sure she's pieced things together, as another PP said, and says these things because no one treats her like a child at home and she equates "grown up" with "sexual" - ugh.


As the mother of a DD, I'm just so disheartened. What the hell is wrong with us? What has happened to our culture, that this is where we've landed.

This is why my house is a no tv house. This is why my children will be homeschooled in a coop, this is why we're buying a house in the country...people have said to me, "You know, you can't hide form the world" and I always become defensive and say "nono it's not to HIDE" - but you know what? I don't think I have any reason to feel ashamed, of my desire to hide away from this crap. I refuse to accept a reality, where my child is going to be having raunchy conversations with other five year olds about sex. I refuse to accept a reality, in which ten year olds are having sex and young girls are telling each other that their parents don't want them wearin tube tops because they think their DDs stomach is ugly. I won't acept it, I won't be a part of it and your damn right, that I'm going to hide my precious daughter away in the woods somewhere, to give her the childhood she deserves.

GEEEEZ!! I'm just steaming mad right now...I'm steaming mad, that simply being exposed to the culture of my people, is so corrupting to youth as this. We've known that when we had a family, we would do our best to try and carve out a little corner of the earth for ourselves..not even to prtend away the world...just to create a buffer, to create a reality which is gentle, slower and more..well, freakin' NORMAL, than the reality that is being pushed on people these days....today, I have been strengthened in my conviction...I am more sure now, than ever, that this is what we need to do.

I'm just sickened, by what some of you have shown me on this thread....I had NO idea how bad things have become in some places. WHAT ARE WE DOING to our children???

OP....what are you thinking?? Maybe a letter? Are you worried at all about the parents getting angry at this girl? I'd hate for her to be in trouble...
YES YES YES..I agree with every word of this!!!
post #139 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
Stormie....you know I love ya...but I completely disagree with you about first sexual experiences. Maybe it's just me being dreamy and stupid...but I DO believe, that the decision to have sex for the first time is a big, spiritual decision. I do not view it is scientifically as you do. Yes, one moment you have an intact hymen and the next you don't...but that's the boring part. The truly remarkable..OR the truly dreadful...part, is the part where a girl either makes a spirited, whole hearted, meaningful decision to do something she is completely comfortable with...that is special to her and which will live on as an important day in her life....OR...the part where a girl makes a decision based on someone elses needs/wants, which is NOT special for her and does NOT make her feel special and happy and cared for and empowered. I would rather the former for MY DD....that's all I'm saying.

I DO think it's special...I DO think it's something beyond a physical happening. It's making the decision to step out of yourself as a girl, and into a young woman...into your life as a sexually active being. THAT MEANS SOMETHING...that's SOMETHING. I don't know what it is..I'm not ashamed to admit, that the power to make that decision was stolen from me and that I don't really KNOW that this is true....but I think it can be something really wonderful and I think it SHOULD have special value placed upon it...for the GIRL. Not as a thing to own or guard or whatever else...it belongs to a GIRL...and it is hers to do with what she wishes. And when she finds someone special, that she wants to share that first time with...I think it SHOULD be a big deal and I think she SHOULD have a conversation with the young man in question..he should know it's her first time...it should be a celebration of that first...a celebration of the first uniting with another body, for what I view to be a sacred act.
I think it can be all that. I think it can be that for a guy, too. But, first sexual experiences and virginity aren't necessarily the same thing. That's part of my "thing" about this. I think there's far too much emphasis placed on virginity, in and of itself.

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So. That's my view...I respect yours, but I think the idea behind it cheats a woman from celebrating something which should be important to her...if it is. If it's not important to you...that's fine, but I want it to be important to my DD...not in the traditional "maiden flower" sense....but a celebration. The marking of a new chapter in her life....that's what it is...turning a page, which can never be turned back again. It is one of those moments, where you can never go back. It's like your first menstrual time, delivering your first child....becoming someone's life partner. Whatever happens to you after that point...you never can be again, who you were before. It's MAGIC. It should be a really cool, really awesome day in your life.
Delivering my first child almost destroyed me as a woman. Becoming someone's life partner was a total disaster the first time (except for ds1). I'm just not huge on the importance of firsts at this point in my life. Looking at the number of people I know who are creating various rituals and ceremonies in their lives, I suspect I'm in the minority on this.
post #140 of 171
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Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
Honestly I hope I have a conscious neighbor like you so if my daughter was in danger and I didn't see it I would know. When it comes to things like this it is such a disservice to the child to sit and rationalize it away. At very least we should be conscious and alert for the children's sake.
Well, there's where we differ. I sincerely hope I don't have a neighbour like the OP, because I don't want a bunch of weird speculation about dd's exploration of her own sexuality.
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