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WWYD...Neighbor told DS she wants to have SEX with Him!! - Page 2

post #21 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
DH and I were just discussing this, and the responses here, and he told me that he heard this same girl say 'Spanking isn't okay unless it is ADULTS in the BEDROOM' to one of the other kids in the neighborhood.
Oh dear... I can only hope that maybe she walked in at an inopportune moment in the parental bedroom? Perhaps she recently saw some sexual stuff that she's now acting out with the neighbourhood kids?

Not that it's a much better scenario but at least it's not molestation.

Hopefully this is an isolated incident? Or maybe it's a cable TV issue... Cripes. We're pretty open/liberal but I can't imagine having a 5 year old who's familiar with S & M.
post #22 of 171
I was going to say that it was probably nothing: my 6yo once told my husband and me to stop having sex. We were kissing in a doorway. Even though he knew all about the "facts of life" he had somehow conflated the word "sex" with anything to do with hugging and kissing. So your op seemed like it could have an innocent explanation.

But the spanking comment? That's....unusual, to say the least. I would talk to the mother.
post #23 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
I agree. My dd is 7.5 and has absolutely NO clue about sex (I don't think she even knows the word).

How do kids that are 5 even know the word sex let alone the mechanics of it or what to do to sexually entice another without somehow having seen it?
If there are older siblings, or other older kids around, it's not that uncommon to have picked things up. DS1 used to sometimes overhear some pretty raunchy conversations between my sister and some of her friends...and I think dd is, overall, even less sheltered than he was. She's picked stuff up. She's seen her older brother cuddling up on the couch with his gf...and he came home with a hickey about a month ago. Kids ask questions. (And, yeah - I wasn't that wild about having the "what is a hickey?" conversation with my six year old, either. That's life, I guess.)

This girl doesn't really sound that extreme to me. DD doesn't "flash" as far as I know - although she might - but she does pose in very adult ways sometimes. I honestly don't know where she's picked it up, but I think it's from another little girl she plays with, who watched a lot of tv. (We watch a lot of movies and a lot of them aren't what most would call age-appropriate, but they don't tend to be heavy on sexual content, either. We don't watch tv at all.) Sometimes, strange things stick in a child's head. Even the lifting her bikini top...I could see dd doing that, because she'd think it was funny. She and ds2 run around naked all the time, and nudity taboos are something that dd only semi-understands. Breaking them still holds considerable humour for her.
post #24 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
I agree. My dd is 7.5 and has absolutely NO clue about sex (I don't think she even knows the word).

How do kids that are 5 even know the word sex let alone the mechanics of it or what to do to sexually entice another without somehow having seen it? I mean, even if she were curious about where babies come from, at that age, it's not normal to explain turning someone on, getting them in bed and exactly what happens. This is an age to give straight-forward and honest but *vague* answers, not specifics.
The OP's 6 year old knows what sex is, and was embarrassed. Why is it weird that the little girl would know, but not weird that the OPs sone knows?
post #25 of 171
I'm actually more inclined to believe that the little girl in the OP doesn't really know much about sex and is just piecing it together. It seems like she has a TV/schoolyard understanding of sex whereas with the OP's son it has been explained to him properly.
post #26 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
OTHER MAMAS: is that normal, for a five year old?? If she is a TV watcher, is it maybe normal?? That sounds WAY over the top sexual for a five year old...FIVE IS TINY!? My baby is going to be five in four years!!! Ohhhh!! :vomit that is too much...way too much. OP, you need to tell these parents what you've seen...if this is her at five, what the HELL is this situation going to look like when she's 13!?
Not normal here!!!

Oh my goodness, I can't believe this has come up at such a young age!

OP, good luck and I agree that the parents should be told, in an unjudgemental way
post #27 of 171
You know...I just remembered that when I was in kindergarten, kids used to talk all the time about "humping". It was usually pretty general, but I can remember an occasional comment about wanting to hump some specific girl or boy or whatever. If you actually talked to most of them about it, they had no clue what they were talking about. Many of them had older siblings, as well. Kids pick stuff up, and it doesn't have to mean anything sinister is happening.

OP: I'm not sure what I'd say to my son, but I'd definitely reassure him that he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, and that most emphatically includes taking off his clothes!
post #28 of 171
So, after walking away from this thread for the afternoon and thinking...I think the little girl probably doesn't have anyone around safegaurding her innocence...she probably watches way too much TV and is privy to adult conversations she shouldn't be...I think it's absolutely tragic...just, unspeakable, that this child is too busy tryin to be sexy, to play out the rest of her childhood. I'm sure she's pieced things together, as another PP said, and says these things because no one treats her like a child at home and she equates "grown up" with "sexual" - ugh.


As the mother of a DD, I'm just so disheartened. What the hell is wrong with us? What has happened to our culture, that this is where we've landed.

This is why my house is a no tv house. This is why my children will be homeschooled in a coop, this is why we're buying a house in the country...people have said to me, "You know, you can't hide form the world" and I always become defensive and say "nono it's not to HIDE" - but you know what? I don't think I have any reason to feel ashamed, of my desire to hide away from this crap. I refuse to accept a reality, where my child is going to be having raunchy conversations with other five year olds about sex. I refuse to accept a reality, in which ten year olds are having sex and young girls are telling each other that their parents don't want them wearin tube tops because they think their DDs stomach is ugly. I won't acept it, I won't be a part of it and your damn right, that I'm going to hide my precious daughter away in the woods somewhere, to give her the childhood she deserves.

GEEEEZ!! I'm just steaming mad right now...I'm steaming mad, that simply being exposed to the culture of my people, is so corrupting to youth as this. We've known that when we had a family, we would do our best to try and carve out a little corner of the earth for ourselves..not even to prtend away the world...just to create a buffer, to create a reality which is gentle, slower and more..well, freakin' NORMAL, than the reality that is being pushed on people these days....today, I have been strengthened in my conviction...I am more sure now, than ever, that this is what we need to do.

I'm just sickened, by what some of you have shown me on this thread....I had NO idea how bad things have become in some places. WHAT ARE WE DOING to our children???

OP....what are you thinking?? Maybe a letter? Are you worried at all about the parents getting angry at this girl? I'd hate for her to be in trouble...
post #29 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
I'm just steaming mad right now...I'm steaming mad, that simply being exposed to the culture of my people, is so corrupting to youth as this.
Yeah, I've felt that way about various things too. I can get really worked up sometimes.
post #30 of 171
Yes, maybe this is a little weird, maybe. But it's not outside the realm of normal 5-6 year old behavior. I don't think you need to tell her parents. I don't think you need to do anything but coach your son to say,"I don't like to play like that" and teach him about good and bad touches, etc.
post #31 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
So, after walking away from this thread for the afternoon and thinking...I think the little girl probably doesn't have anyone around safegaurding her innocence...she probably watches way too much TV and is privy to adult conversations she shouldn't be...I think it's absolutely tragic...just, unspeakable, that this child is too busy tryin to be sexy, to play out the rest of her childhood. I'm sure she's pieced things together, as another PP said, and says these things because no one treats her like a child at home and she equates "grown up" with "sexual" - ugh.


As the mother of a DD, I'm just so disheartened. What the hell is wrong with us? What has happened to our culture, that this is where we've landed.


This is why my house is a no tv house. This is why my children will be homeschooled in a coop, this is why we're buying a house in the country...people have said to me, "You know, you can't hide form the world" and I always become defensive and say "nono it's not to HIDE" - but you know what? I don't think I have any reason to feel ashamed, of my desire to hide away from this crap. I refuse to accept a reality, where my child is going to be having raunchy conversations with other five year olds about sex. I refuse to accept a reality, in which ten year olds are having sex and young girls are telling each other that their parents don't want them wearin tube tops because they think their DDs stomach is ugly. I won't acept it, I won't be a part of it and your damn right, that I'm going to hide my precious daughter away in the woods somewhere, to give her the childhood she deserves.

GEEEEZ!! I'm just steaming mad right now...I'm steaming mad, that simply being exposed to the culture of my people, is so corrupting to youth as this. We've known that when we had a family, we would do our best to try and carve out a little corner of the earth for ourselves..not even to prtend away the world...just to create a buffer, to create a reality which is gentle, slower and more..well, freakin' NORMAL, than the reality that is being pushed on people these days....today, I have been strengthened in my conviction...I am more sure now, than ever, that this is what we need to do.

I'm just sickened, by what some of you have shown me on this thread....I had NO idea how bad things have become in some places. WHAT ARE WE DOING to our children???
Oh I hear ya! And it goes beyond just this issue for me too as I am sure it does for you. :

The thing is that though I don't want us to be of this world we still have to live in it so DH and I really think about ways to help our children understand the realities of this world so they don't get burned. It's just such a fine and difficult line. How can we allow our children a childhood and raise them to be conscious while at the same time circling the wagons? If only the answer was easy...
post #32 of 171
i was going to ask about older siblings too... we had a little girl in the kindergarten room at the daycare i worked at who would dance like a stripper when we did those goofy little go around in a circle and every one dances chant games... she also tried grinding on the boys a few times. we asked her where she learned to dance like that- her 12yo sister taught her.... she said her sister learned it from mtv. and we were in germany, the german mtv is worse than in the states, lol
post #33 of 171
Oh my!!!

Last summer my kids were playing w/ a new neighbor (had been ehre a few mos) who is just a lovely girl! Her parents are wonderful We really like the family.

Anyway, one day the mom told me of an interaction she heard amongst my ds & dd and her dd. Apparently my ds (about 7-ish) had said something to the girls about sex. Ok, dh and I were HORRIFIED. We're good ppl, we monitor their play, what they watch, what they hear, etc. WHERE did he come up w/ this?!

We never did figure it out. BUT, as a result of that interaction, the kids weren't allowed to play together anymore (mutual from both families) but we're still friendly w/ them and the kids would see each other at school.

The mom was so stressed out to tell me, she was afraid I'd take it bad, etc. I thanked her and we stood there discussing and freaking out together.

Definitely talk to the child's mother. If she's like most any other mom, she'd want to know.

I'm so sorry you're going through this!!!
post #34 of 171
Very creepy. DD has a friend (7) with older siblings who sometimes acts out like this. The older siblings were removed from another home (they are half-sisters) because they were being groomed to become prostitutes. The older girls are in 7th and 8th grade, I believe, and have taught the younger sisters (ages 7 and 9) that being sexy is how all girls are supposed to be.

I've had to effectively end dd's friendship with the youngest little girl because her family was too screwy for dd to be safe.

On another (maybe related?) note... I took dd to look for a bathing suit and found bikinis with padded tops in size 5/6. I was displeased.

We're doing such a disservice to our kids, and particularly to our young girls as we live in a hypersexualized society.
post #35 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarperRose View Post
Oh my!!!

Last summer my kids were playing w/ a new neighbor (had been ehre a few mos) who is just a lovely girl! Her parents are wonderful We really like the family.

Anyway, one day the mom told me of an interaction she heard amongst my ds & dd and her dd. Apparently my ds (about 7-ish) had said something to the girls about sex. Ok, dh and I were HORRIFIED. We're good ppl, we monitor their play, what they watch, what they hear, etc. WHERE did he come up w/ this?!
He goes to school, right? That's all it takes.
post #36 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
He goes to school, right? That's all it takes.
Yup. That's the best guess we could come up with. And that was 1st grade.

Reading more on the OP's neighbor child.... I don't even know if my advice to talk to the parents would WORK!

Wow.
post #37 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by confustication View Post

On another (maybe related?) note... I took dd to look for a bathing suit and found bikinis with padded tops in size 5/6. I was displeased.

Holy crap. I get uncomfortable when I see really low-cut swimsuit tops (bikini or 1 piece). And dd, of course, likes that style! I talk to her about it a lot and hope that my advice is heard. Ialso don't buy her those super low cut tops.

Quote:
We're doing such a disservice to our kids, and particularly to our young girls as we live in a hypersexualized society.
Indeed. It's a real challenge to make sure that our values aren't watered down. yk?
post #38 of 171
Wow are people jumping to some conclusions!

It could very well be that she's being raised in a sex-positive household, the same as my daughter is. My daughter is 6.5 and has known what sex is -- and that it's for both pleasure AND reproduction -- since she was 3ish. She's made, "I'm going to have sex with ____" comments to us before, and we always explained that before you go through puberty, your body won't really be able to enjoy sex. If I were you, OP, I'd just assume that her parents explained sex as fun & babies but didn't think to say that it's not really pleasurable for children.

The spanking comment wouldn't freak me out, either. I could totally see one of our friends saying something like that around the kids. Not everyone thinks it's necessary to be tight-lipped around their kids.

Definitely, give your son some responses so that he doesn't feel so lost if something like this comes up in the future, but don't assume that his friend is being treated inappropriately just because she has knowledge you've chosen not to give your own child.
post #39 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
The OP's 6 year old knows what sex is, and was embarrassed. Why is it weird that the little girl would know, but not weird that the OPs sone knows?
Because, clearly, she wasn't embarrassed and if you're not teaching your kids to be embarrassed about sex and nudity, you're Doing It Wrong.

post #40 of 171
We also have similar conversations with our DDs about sex. We are by no means frigid when it comes to sex but there is such a thing as being too open.

There is explaining sex is fun and then there is condoning sexual activity in a 5 year old. No thanks! To me that isn't being open that's being irresponsible. Do you really believe a 5 year old should be a sexual being? Childish sexual exploration yes I can see that but this is more "adult".
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