Hi all- I newly registered but I've been lurking for at least a year I think!
My kids are older, a high schooler and a elementary school, so no toddlers or anything. and I've learned something about myself over the years that I don' think is "normal" and it worries me.
- I really don't like other kids very much. Ok I said it- sounds mean, but there ya go. I love my own dearly but no one elses. I'm a completely introverted person, and I don't like to have other people's kids over to the house. ( or other people much either) They just grate on my nerves. Young and old.
When my kids were younger and not yet in school I'd try hosting playdates and all they did was make me a nervous wreck trying to discipline the other kids, or watch them so they wouldn't get into stuff. Whenever my kids would have other kids over, there was always drama, whether it was when they weren't getting along, or pairing of and excluding kids, or rude ones asking for things they couldn't have. It was exhausting. More often than not,
I just wanted to yell " egad, just go play already!" it seemed like all the kids were needy and complicated,and being girls, full of emotional drama. and I could never figure out why they couldn't just be kids and go out in the yard and play ball or whatever. The other kids couldn't just go and "be kids"- it seemed to me, sometimes they wanted attention so would deliberately create some drama, fight, or ask to be fed or taken places for attention. Maybe not, but these kids were high maintenance. For example, we'd have kids over for a couple hours to swim in our pool. You would think that an inground pool would be plenty of entertainment for 9 year old on a hot summer day, but they would constantly either argue over the pool toys, exclude another kid from a game, ask to come inside to play nintendo, ask for more pool toys to be blown up, it was just annoying.
Anyway, after a few disastrous sleepovers, and a steady stream of kids in my house one summer, we cut down the number of kids coming over. I didn't ban them, but school started, and my kids got busy on a sports team after school. If there was a social opportunity OUT of my house for them to do, whether it be a student council thing for the older one, or a party for the younger, I encouraged them to go! and before I knew it, I was calm, and relaxed on weekends, no kids were coming over, and I was thrilled it had seemed the neighborhood kids had moved on to other things, or other kids. I felt like I had my privacy back.
As the years go on, my kids don't even ask anymore about having friends over, I guess that they just accept that this is just the way our family does things, not have kids over very often, and go with it. They rarely ever ask anymore. and I feel bad about that. I sort of justify it to myself that they are around kids all day at school- at least 7 hours, plus they see more kids they know at the music lessons and the sport team they play and Scouting. It's common for them to be around kids 6 days a week away from the home.
But, then I see kids playing at the neighbors house, it seems like there is always kids there, some of the same kids that used to come over here all the time, and I feel guilty, because MY kids are playing alone in the backyard, or inside not interacting socially. I feel like they might be missing out on something vital because I have this dumb aversion.
Anyway, how does everyone else feel about kids and playdates over at your house?? I must be the weird one, It must be an introvert thing, because my SIL, who is a HUGE extrovert seems to consider her entire neighborhood of kids her second family, because at any given time there will be 5 kids at her house playing. She loves to feed them and take them places. Kids- that aren't even hers. I would have an anxiety attack at that.
Anyway, is this bad not to have kids over to my house? Do you think kids can get enough social interaction from all day public school and sports and things out of the home? Is there something special about having friends over that is important for childhood development.?
This is a mommy guilt thing for me. - all comments welcome. I don't get my feelings hurt easily.
My kids are older, a high schooler and a elementary school, so no toddlers or anything. and I've learned something about myself over the years that I don' think is "normal" and it worries me.
- I really don't like other kids very much. Ok I said it- sounds mean, but there ya go. I love my own dearly but no one elses. I'm a completely introverted person, and I don't like to have other people's kids over to the house. ( or other people much either) They just grate on my nerves. Young and old.
When my kids were younger and not yet in school I'd try hosting playdates and all they did was make me a nervous wreck trying to discipline the other kids, or watch them so they wouldn't get into stuff. Whenever my kids would have other kids over, there was always drama, whether it was when they weren't getting along, or pairing of and excluding kids, or rude ones asking for things they couldn't have. It was exhausting. More often than not,
I just wanted to yell " egad, just go play already!" it seemed like all the kids were needy and complicated,and being girls, full of emotional drama. and I could never figure out why they couldn't just be kids and go out in the yard and play ball or whatever. The other kids couldn't just go and "be kids"- it seemed to me, sometimes they wanted attention so would deliberately create some drama, fight, or ask to be fed or taken places for attention. Maybe not, but these kids were high maintenance. For example, we'd have kids over for a couple hours to swim in our pool. You would think that an inground pool would be plenty of entertainment for 9 year old on a hot summer day, but they would constantly either argue over the pool toys, exclude another kid from a game, ask to come inside to play nintendo, ask for more pool toys to be blown up, it was just annoying.
Anyway, after a few disastrous sleepovers, and a steady stream of kids in my house one summer, we cut down the number of kids coming over. I didn't ban them, but school started, and my kids got busy on a sports team after school. If there was a social opportunity OUT of my house for them to do, whether it be a student council thing for the older one, or a party for the younger, I encouraged them to go! and before I knew it, I was calm, and relaxed on weekends, no kids were coming over, and I was thrilled it had seemed the neighborhood kids had moved on to other things, or other kids. I felt like I had my privacy back.
As the years go on, my kids don't even ask anymore about having friends over, I guess that they just accept that this is just the way our family does things, not have kids over very often, and go with it. They rarely ever ask anymore. and I feel bad about that. I sort of justify it to myself that they are around kids all day at school- at least 7 hours, plus they see more kids they know at the music lessons and the sport team they play and Scouting. It's common for them to be around kids 6 days a week away from the home.
But, then I see kids playing at the neighbors house, it seems like there is always kids there, some of the same kids that used to come over here all the time, and I feel guilty, because MY kids are playing alone in the backyard, or inside not interacting socially. I feel like they might be missing out on something vital because I have this dumb aversion.
Anyway, how does everyone else feel about kids and playdates over at your house?? I must be the weird one, It must be an introvert thing, because my SIL, who is a HUGE extrovert seems to consider her entire neighborhood of kids her second family, because at any given time there will be 5 kids at her house playing. She loves to feed them and take them places. Kids- that aren't even hers. I would have an anxiety attack at that.
Anyway, is this bad not to have kids over to my house? Do you think kids can get enough social interaction from all day public school and sports and things out of the home? Is there something special about having friends over that is important for childhood development.?
This is a mommy guilt thing for me. - all comments welcome. I don't get my feelings hurt easily.
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) friends to have it. I just have to take my quiet time when I can get it. Also, we do safeguard our "just family" time as well.
, it's just how you are wired. And, you are not alone, not by a long shot. (I have long joked that there are many introverts just like me around, they are just hiding in their homes, too!!) I can totally relate to how you feel. That said, I agree with the other posters that having a home where friends are welcome can foster better relationships between kids and their parents.
I do not have a solution to this yet. So far I just grin and bear it and try to focus play activity anywhere outside of my house when I can. I find there are some parents that prefer play dates at their place, usually because they have multiple kids. That works well for us. Dd is an only child and unschooled so I really feel obligated to try harder. But so far I am not doing great and find myself avoiding the situation whenever I can. Often though, I will remind myself that it is OK to take my needs into account as well as dd's. Ironically, although dh is an extrovert, he also struggles with having other kids here. I make sure dd is signed up for activities outside of the house and we are at every child friendly event that is offered in our area.
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