Help, I'm lost

[milkmamamerina]

I'm trying to be a gentle disciplinarian. I believe it's best, but I feel like it's a losing battle. All morning I was able to remain calm and I really thought I was getting through in communicating to my high need 3.5 yo son.

We both struggle with low blood sugar, so we butt heads when we are hungry, but we got through lunch really well...he did a lot of up and down from the table as usual, but we all ate. But then we were taking a break he was sitting next to me on the couch while I was nursing his sister. This is a hard time for me because he is clingy and squirmy as I nurse and it really agitates me at a physical level...

anyway, he started to pinch me. I asked him to stop, he continued, I told him again to stop and he continued. I guess I began to feel trapped and I gave him a small pinch to get him to stop pinching me. And not surprisingly he pinched me back. I put him in time out and when I was talking with him afterward he just laughed in my face. I'm not sure why but it just infuriated me!! So I sent him to time out again and took his sister to the backyard where I did some deep breathing to try and cool down before I went back to talk w/ my 3 yo. When I went back he continued laughing and I ended up slapping his cheek.

obviously this is not right. that is the whole reason I'm writing. Please help me problem solve. I'm really trying and I keep losing it.

I know time outs are questionable too, but we have used them when we can't think of other logical consequences.

Please be kind with you responses. I'm really upset with myself already and don't know where to turn.

[River's mum]

[herbalshakti]

I feel you mama. I have a really strong willed 4yo (and what looks like to be a strong willed 11mos. old as well!) and we have had some battles as well. ultimatley, I think it is these qualities that make these special beings so very POWERFUL, however, the mamas have to deal with the brilliance which can be tricky.

What has helped me:

Yes breathe!!!!! get them to breathe with you, you'd be amazed!

Also the sceond most helpful thing is this most amazing book:

"Postive Discipline" by Jane Neelson


this woman is incredible, a mom of seven who used to spank and threaten and now she is an internationally acclaimed authority on the subject of child rearing/postive discipline.

I'm sure if your like me with 2 kids you can't imagine reading another book on parenting but this is well worth the money and the time as it will really revolutionize your life..

I just got it a few weeks ago and it has helped my relationship with my kids and partner already and I have yet to read it all the way through.

My heart goes out to you and hope my book suggetsion helps

[jlovesl]

Originally Posted by milkmamamerina

I'm trying to be a gentle disciplinarian. I believe it's best, but I feel like it's a losing battle. All morning I was able to remain calm and I really thought I was getting through in communicating to my high need 3.5 yo son.

We both struggle with low blood sugar, so we butt heads when we are hungry, but we got through lunch really well...he did a lot of up and down from the table as usual, but we all ate. But then we were taking a break he was sitting next to me on the couch while I was nursing his sister. This is a hard time for me because he is clingy and squirmy as I nurse and it really agitates me at a physical level...

anyway, he started to pinch me. I asked him to stop, he continued, I told him again to stop and he continued. I guess I began to feel trapped and I gave him a small pinch to get him to stop pinching me. And not surprisingly he pinched me back. I put him in time out and when I was talking with him afterward he just laughed in my face. I'm not sure why but it just infuriated me!! So I sent him to time out again and took his sister to the backyard where I did some deep breathing to try and cool down before I went back to talk w/ my 3 yo. When I went back he continued laughing and I ended up slapping his cheek.

obviously this is not right. that is the whole reason I'm writing. Please help me problem solve. I'm really trying and I keep losing it.

I know time outs are questionable too, but we have used them when we can't think of other logical consequences.

Please be kind with you responses. I'm really upset with myself already and don't know where to turn.

Maybe you are needing a little more sleep. Your nursing and raising a toddler,ANY woman would be tired. I find my patience is a lot more thin when I'm exhausted. And even though they are little toddlers pick up on our states of mind and it never fails "that's when they try out their boundaries with you". Hang in there we all have our good and bad days.

[milkmamamerina]

Originally Posted by jlovesl

Maybe you are needing a little more sleep. Your nursing and raising a toddler,ANY woman would be tired. I find my patience is a lot more thin when I'm exhausted. And even though they are little toddlers pick up on our states of mind and it never fails "that's when they try out their boundaries with you". Hang in there we all have our good and bad days.

Sleep deprivation has been a way of life for the past few months. My daughter has stopped sleeping and nursing in a peaceful way. She thrashes kicks me in the face and pops on and off the nipple crying for hours at a time. So yep, really tired All the time. My son hasn't napped since early in my daughter's pregnancy so the old "sleep when baby sleeps" was a pipe dream on baby #2. Never-the-less I want the best for my kids whether I'm tired or not I just feel stuck lately.

[bendingbirch]

Please do easy with yourself! Sounds like sleep deprivation, low blood sugar, and having a 3 and a half year is just a lot! One thing that really helped me through those years was to have a rhythm to my day so I had something to hang my hat on in the midst of not feeling so rhythmical, LOL. The other thing that helped was having things I could just "grab and eat" - cut up fruits, veggies, crackers and cheese so we could all have a snack while the "real meal" was cooking (even if I was just boiling water for oatmeal!
The other thing that helped me was to just reframe my own attitude and mind. I wrote this post on my blog, it may be helpful (or not)
http://theparentingpassageway.com/20...and-parenting/

Take some deep breaths, and hopefully today will be a MUCH better day!

[Hokulele]

, mama. I don't have much to say except that I could have written your post. I have a high need 3.5 year old and a 12 mo old and I feel like every day I'm losing it. So, you're not alone.

[AngelBee]

[milkmamamerina]

Today was MUCH better. The baby still won't go to sleep (round 3 of nursing in bed is now climb on mommy's head while she types) which is making me batty at the moment, but at least the day went better.

After having a major meltdown last night I realized that all my usual support systems (grandma, daddy, and preschool) all stopped being able to help me (for various good reasons) at the SAME TIME. Also we are closing on a new house next week, have very little packed and I'm the only one who is even able to pack at all (which is like a box a day).

So I'm sure my son is picking up on my stress in addition to having his own stress about the move, and I'm pretty much going it alone all of the sudden!

So at least the realization about all this helped me cope internally even if I can't do anything about the external problems Thank you all for your sympathy and support. It was pretty much my worst mommy day ever.