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17 month old's tantrums

post #1 of 8
6/3/09 at 6:51pm
Thread Starter 
I was wondering how you handle your young toddler's tantrums. He goes on for a good 20 minutes sometimes. I give him plenty of attention throughout the day, I try to avoid it. One minute he will be screaming the next he is laughing. He went insane the other day and was tearing all the food out of the cabinet and all his books off the shelf. I feel bad for him, but I literally don't know what to do. I pick him up, he arches his back and wants down, I put him down and he wants back up. It's very trying on a person.... Especially the last few days, they have been BAD.
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post #2 of 8
6/3/09 at 7:43pm
http://www.mothering.com/drupal_snap...roach-tantrums

this is my favorite article on tantrums. I found just having the info helped my mindset tremendously!
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post #3 of 8
6/3/09 at 11:41pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks so much for replying, I could use all the help I can get.
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post #4 of 8
6/4/09 at 1:28pm
as far as pick-up -put-down I had a therapist once call it the Crazy making phase.. and it is a pretty important one. Do your best to play along... by responding. When you are tired of it, gently say so. This too shall pass.... all the "terrible Two" stuff isn't so bad... and starts around 18 mo...

I know it gets hard but don't take it personally - it is a study in perminance and reliability vs independance for dc
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post #5 of 8
6/4/09 at 2:54pm
Thread Starter 
But if he is not allowing me to be there for him, what do I do? I cannot comfort him if he will not let me. If I pat him or anything he pushes my hand away. Do I ignore it and let it pass if that seems necessary or what? I'm at a loss.
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post #6 of 8
6/4/09 at 3:12pm
This is a hard phase, but it does pass! Depending on the intensity of the tantrum, I usually try distracting with something silly first, like "I wonder if that's how a baby elephant cries when he has to get out of the bath!" etc. However, that only works...um 25% of the time or so.

When they are really just out of control, I try to do a tight hug/hold first. If they are really fighting that, I'll put them down and just sit nearby. I think this sends the message that you respect their boundaries, but are still there for them. Every so often, I'll offer to hug/hold again.

I feel for you, because tantrums really, really push my patience. I have to get in a head space of constantly reminding myself that they are my baby who need help through this - otherwise I'd just start screaming too! Good luck!!
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post #7 of 8
6/6/09 at 1:27am
my son is 17 months as well, and has been throwing tantrums like crazy. 90% of the time he pushes or kicks me away if i try to love on him, and it seems like giving him attention sometimes causes more anger from him. it is really hard. i usually offer a few options to him (soothing him, trying to distract him with a book or toy, or offer him a snack or drink) and if he does not want any of that i leave him to his tantrum, and remind him that i tried to help him... im feeling like this is a stage of testing, and learning patience for both parent and child... hang in there!
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post #8 of 8
6/6/09 at 2:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by milkmamamerina View Post
This article was great.

The main point of the article was that the best way to approach tantrums is that you are being there for your child when he has a melt-down, rather than trying to stop the unwanted behavior. This is something that I have begun to learn from my son (20 months old)- I have discovered through trial and error that the best way for us to make it through a tantrum is for me to get down on his level and listen to him. I try to reflect what he is feeling back to me; I listen to him scream and cry. I hold him if he lets me or wants me to, but otherwise I simply stay very near, giving him eye contact and my full attention. When it comes to the tone of voice I use, I try to stay pretty soothing: I use simple words and I make sure to reflect his own feelings in my facial expressions and body language in a totally empathetic way (completely non-mocking). If we are in a public place, I scoop up my flailing, screaming LO and quickly find us a private (as is available) place. We are able to experience the tantrum much better when there are not spectators: it is overwhelming for him to have an audience, and it makes me feel pressured to "fix" the "problem", even though I know better [than to feel that way about my son's tantrum].

Concerning tantrum prevention, I know you [OP] said that you try to give him plenty of attention. Is there a chance that he has cabin fever? You could make a point of getting outside for awhile every day for a week and see if the frequency/intensity of his tantrums subsides. I only suggest this because my LO gets stir-crazy if we don't have a daily outdoor adventure.

No mother is perfect- there are undoubtedly going to be days when your LO is having a tantrum every hour and you feel like you are going to punch a hole in the wall. But my son and I are teaching each other how to allow them to happen as productively as possible, for the most part...
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