I hit my 3 yo tonight - Page 2

[MammaV]

A book I've enjoyed is "how to behave so your preschooler will too" by Sal Severe. All though not exactly mainstream GD, it is full of ideas on how to parent in a gentle manner without using punishments.

[transformed]

Originally Posted by MammaV

A book I've enjoyed is "how to behave so your preschooler will too" by Sal Severe. All though not exactly mainstream GD, it is full of ideas on how to parent in a gentle manner without using punishments.

what an awesome title!!!

[swd12422]

I feel your pain. I know exactly what you mean -- it's almost a reflex even more than just instinct to protect your LO. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, other than what others have posted. It's really just about getting your head in front of your actions so you can think before you act. I have lots of trouble with this, too!

But please know that your DD will always know you love her. These few instances won't destroy your relationship with her the ways years of constant abuse would. (Disclaimer: I'm NOT advocating even occasional spanking here, just sharing my personal experience.) My mom is my best friend. I have always had a great relationship with her. And she spanked us whenever "necessary." And washed our mouths out with soap when the occasion "called for it." I'm not much on spanking, but I'm just saying that she used those discipline techniques with us and it didn't harm our relationship. So a few slips from you in heated situations won't harm yours. Please go easy on yourself. Mothering is tough work, and stressing about this is only going to add to your tension.

[Carlyle]

Originally Posted by GradysMom

maybe you can sit with her and talk about how hard it is for you to control the implse so you can understand how hard it is for her to control it, but that both of you need to work hard to stop doing it... become a partner in learning impulse control with her.

Best luck

I think that this is a wonderful suggestion. Brainstorm with each other on how you can support each other in controlling the hitting urge. And when she sees you working on it (or just hears you talk about how you're working on it), she'll probably focus more on herself too.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by transformed

No, I was not being snarky - I really do believe it could be instinctual and I believe that there are other theorys out there than just one for why someone would hit someone else.

Its not really completley directed at you. Its also directed at the energy that "OMG this is so awful and that poor kid!" you can feel it around these posts.


What I see a a bit of an issue is that people who AP instantly often jump to the "OMG horror" place with others and dont treat the other adults with the peaceful kindness that they want to have idealized in their parenting. This creates a conflict.

Your last statment is your opinion - I am not saying that I do not share it because I do but I get kind of sick of how peoples opinions get posted as "fact" It is not a fact.

People need to be loved, not reprimanded. Children as well as adults. For every child who is hit, there is also an adult with an inner child that needs to be nurtured.

I agree with everything in this post except the bolded. When a mother on this site admits a mistake I don't think I have ever caught negative energy from other MDC moms. Mostly just compassion and support. Even if we have never personally hit, I think all of us can understand the desire to hit.

[JayJay]

Well, I do believe my own mother did this a few times. Now, I'm a grown up and I looooove her SO much! We are terribly close.

Now I've never hit (so far) but I have had to remove my DSS from my DSD because there have been two incidences where he's become angry and acted out physically by jumping on her and hitting her. I had to intervene and pick him up physically from her and sit him down on the sofa to recover and calm down.

I really - gosh - I can't say this enough - don't think you are a bad person. Yes, sure, adults are adults and children are children, but we're all human and we have to be able to fogive ourselves as well as ask frogiveness from others. Not doing so is going to cause more harm than good. As with any lesson, now is the time to learn a different way of doing things. As long as you learn, you grow. As long as you grow, all is, in the greater scheme of things, progressing well

Your daughter will be okay. Your relationship will be a-okay. You are not a murderess!

*HUGE hugs* XXXXX

[dziwozony]

just posting to give you support. my DS2 is 5mo now & whenever my 2yo gets rough with him, i find myself really responding unreasonably sometimes. i guess it's the mama bear in me, protecting my babe. but it's true what someone else said- the older one is the babe too!

i've also realized that i would be a really lousy single mum & give those who manage it soooo much credit. i'm heavily dependant on the breaks my partner gives me when he takes over watching our toddler. i've definitely flipped out at DS1 before & acted in ways i'm ashamed of. but when it's over, i apologize to him for my behavior & explain why i was frustrated. then i remind myself that i can't do it again. and then i forgive myself! because that's all you can do- move forward & try to parent more positively the next time it happens.

deep breaths can really help! or just completely leaving the room for a moment, growl & stomp your feet if you need to, then come back hopefully a bit calmer. one time DS1 threw something at me that *really* hurt...i wanted to hit him back! but instead i quickly went outside, shut the door, yelled out, took some deep breaths, then came back in. i find it really helpful!

[marlee]

...

[Smirkin]

I am reading this thread with interest because I have a 6m old, and more than once in her short life I have had such a strong urge to use physical force when I get to the end of my rope, usually at night when she Just. Won't. Sleep. I haven't done it but man it's a powerful urge sometimes.

I thought I was some kind of horrible person because of these thoughts, but now I see that maybe I'm not the only one, maybe it's actually normal?? I want to say thanks to the OP for posting this, and thanks to the responders for what mostly seems like very useful advice. I, too, am alone with the baby for the 60 hours/week or so that DH works, so I think that the focus on making sure I'm taking care of me is probably spot on.

Anyway, I guess I'm another mom saying you're not alone in feeling your responses to your kids are not always what you want them to be. On the one hand, maybe our expectations for ourselves are too high, but on the other hand, I think it has to be that way - nothing but the best for our babes, right?