Children too close in age and depressed

[tana'smama]

I'm in my 33rd week and just started back on Zoloft a couple of days ago. I've been on bedrest in the hospital since 5/22 due to complications of a previa. I'm feeling so overwhelmed and depressed.

Neither of my children were planned--I actually didn't want to have children but it happened and I'm trying to deal with it. Anyway---The original plan was for me to deliver around 37 weeks but now the doctor wants to deliver next week at 34 and I'm so scared for the health of my baby.

My life is just so crazy now and I wish I could be happy but I can't. So my husband has been out of work and the bills are behind. He finally found a job but the hours are crazy and trying to find a baby sitter for my 16 month old is worrying me so bad. We don't have any family in the area and as far as our friends, they aren't settled enough to babysit. I'm very protective of my daughter because of issues that I had to deal with as a child and I NEVER want her to go through that so finding a sitter suitable is very difficult for me.

So I have to have a c-section and I can't drive for several weeks so if the baby has to stay here then how will I get to the hospital to see him or bring him milk???

How will I deal with an infant and a 16 mth old?

There are so many things bouncing around in my head and I'm going crazy trying to figure it all out....

Thanks for letting me vent here...

[Caroline529]

Hugs, Mama. I just wanted to tell you that I had twins in the NICU and 2 y/o at home. I had my 2 y/o stay with various people (you will find someone, just keep calling around to everyone you know, or ask the hospital social worker for help today. That's their JOB and the love to help.)

Basically I didn't leave the hospital for a week after I was discharged (I kind of just refused to be separated from my baby and left it up to the hospital to figure out the details.) They should be willing to give you a room (for free, it's called "boarding") if you are breastfeeding a patient in the NICU. Ask about that today as well.

Also, I was told that I could drive when I was "pain-free" (and not taking pain meds). So I drove just a week after my section. If they tell you that you can't drive for "weeks" then explain to them that you will be nursing, and will need to drive within a week's time, and see what they say. Often they will change what they tell you once they know your situation (eg. that you won't drive after taking pain meds).

I spent all day nursing at the NICU, drove home, and took one pain pill in the evenings. I woke during the night to pump and brought that milk in the next morning to be used that night while I was home.

And finally, some NICUs allow siblings to visit and have kid's play areas in the hospital. So your DD could stay with you, and you could just duck in to nurse during the day. If you do this, try to get a little bag made up with quiet stuff for your 16 m/old. She can sit next to you and play quietly while you nurse. Or you could ask a friend to come to the hospital and play with him/her for an hour or two everyday. I know that I felt alot better when my older DD was near me, but I had to balance that with what was good for me (when she wasn't with me during the day I could find a hospital chair somewhere and take a nap!), her twin sisters, and what the hospital would allow.

It all worked out OK. Keep dreaming about the time when you are home resting in bed with both of your children with snacks and stickers and hugs! You will get there.

N.

[Wugmama]

That sounds so hard! I was pretty badly depressed during my 3rd pregnancy - I got pregnant right as my son turned one year old. It was a tough time, and I didn't even have any medical problems like you are having!

I used to volunteer long ago at a crisis center - a place to bring your children for up to 3 days to avoid neglect and abuse. But I remember that one family brought in their 2 little kids because the mom was in labor and they had no family and no sitters in the area so the kids stayed at the center for a day or so while the mom was in labor and giving birth. I know you said you didn't want a sitter for your 16 month old but I wonder if there is a crisis center in your city you could use for a fall back emergency? The one here is nice, with nice bedrooms for the kids, and as there are several people that work there with the kids there are checks and balances, unlike leaving your little one with a single person.



Tracy

[earthmama4]

Talk to your doctor and ask if its absolutely necessary to deliver next week or if there is any way he/she can wait for delivery until the Zoloft has had a chance to kick in a little more and the baby is more mature. Make sure you tell your doctor you are feeling depressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes they make decisions without considering the social/emotional impact and when that is brought to their attention they may have other alternatives to present. You're in a hospital, its not like they can't move quickly if they an emergency arrises.

Can you take advantage of the hospital resources like a social worker, counselor, or clergy. Ask the nurse what is available. Just having someone objective and supportive to talk to can make a big difference.

[Pookietooth]

to you.

[Snuzzmom]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. The only thing I can say is that you might want to make sure you get on birth control as soon as you can after this baby is born, just to make sure you don't get THREE close in age!

Best of luck to you... sending good thoughts.