The problem is she stops breathing fairly often due to choking on milk/snot. Her body straightens out like a stiff board with her head arched backwards. Her face turns red and contorts into a scream face. I grab her and pat her on the back begging her to breath and trying to convince her to use her mouth. The nurse told me too much aspiration inflames the sinuses further and I don't want it even more difficult for her to breathe. Sometimes she calms down and looks up at me trusting me completely and things work out but not often. The usual is me grabbing the aspirator and sucking out her nose for any milk or boogers and then I get the beautiful scream of terror which I am grateful for.
This happens right after she eats or 1 hour. She eats every 1-3 hours. This behavior started in NICU where they blew me off. I am a first time Mom with no help and my family has passed on. Imagine the first time it happened in NICU and it was just me. I was terrified. She use to spew milk out of her nose and now it's only a little out of her nose and sometimes vomit. I can deal with spit up but not the lack of breathing.
I called the nurse who gave me some advice and I've told her pediatrition a few times and they chalk it up to her preemie-ness and that she will grow out of it. She is on neosure preemie formula as the lack of being able to be with her dried me up though I pumped like hell and I feel guilty about that also.
I can't lose her. She's everything to me. I may not have that bond since she was wisked away to strangers first but it I were to lose her I'd be more than devastated. I'm not sure how much more stress I can take. What if I fall asleep and she can't cry or I don't sense her? I so fear she will be a SIDs baby all because I stupidly fell asleep. I am in total fear for her.
I have an a/c, an air purifier, a cool mist humidifer next to her pack n play. Despite all the have nothing in your crib you just can't do that with a preemie. I'm just now getting it where she doesn't panic not being swaddled on her side. She has a body wedge with a blanket under her to put her at an angle. Now that she has gained weight she has been sliding out of it putting her at risk with the wedges. Plus the angle I guess isn't severe enough b/c it doesn't help THAT much. After feeding her I hold her for an hour upright to keep the milk down but I get so tired I am starting to fall asleep.
I want to enjoy these prescious moments as it took me a decade to conceive her but all I can think of is getting her through the sids 11 month milestone but then I think of all the other dangers and I don't know if I can ever stop being scared to death.
The only other thing the nurse suggested was salt water drops but I'm scared to drop anything up her nose.. you can die in a teaspoon of water etc. I also give a pacifier to encourage the continueing swallowing motion to push food down further after meals a good amount of the time.
I try not to feed her till full and she gets mad. Surprising because she just about died. She throws it up and of course is hungry again but I hate feeding her again after that.
I know she was born extremely intelligent. She had so many expressions and thoughts wandering through her head. I am so worried all this junk with her not breathing is causing damage to her brain. Does anyone know anything about this? Her expressions have dropped dramatically since her due date.
I thought things would be better as soon as she was due and in a way they are.. less milk through the nose.
She has another pedi appoint this friday and I again will bring it up. I hate going as last time I got the worst cold and somehow she hasn't caught it. I'm the only one who cares for her really. I ONLY went to the pedi and got sick.
I'm a little exacerbated with people who have "normal" kids and think nothing is a big deal and let her roll around with germs but I don't think they have a clue what it is to have a preemie and then everyone else says it's normal. This can't be normal else I'd be hearing similar stories.
I did get a movement monitor but she flails when she can't breathe and by the time it went off she'd already be gone so it's not a great comfort. I spend all my day and night resting my fingers on her to feel her belly move in and out.
I already suffer regular and ppd. Is this really normal? I CAN'T lose her. I cry all the time worrying about her. I try to stay calm but as soon as the issue passes I cry.
I haven't timed it but in reality I guess she can't breathe for only a few seconds but when she's in my arms it feels like an eternity.
She's put on a lot of weight with the neosure and since i couldn't breastfeed I want her on a special preemie formula so I don't want to change formulas really. She is not "bigger" but her belly is getting rounder and she's pushing I bet 8 pounds now! She had dropped to 4 in NICU. Never having siblings or friend's kids around I don't even know if this is normal though but by the shocked look the nurses and doctor's give me I'm thinking it's really good.
Sorry for the rambling. Needed to vent also, anyway..
Can anyone relate?