So tell me about sons?

[Inspired007]

I have 3 sisters and a brother, but other than my youngest sister, all the other sibilings were out of the house before I came along.

Then, the only babies/toddlers I was ever around were girls, because it wasn’t until I left for college that two of my sisters had boys. So I have no idea what it’s like to have little boys around. Most of my family are made up of girls.

My dh’s family is all boys (six brothers, mainly nephews) so he’s not at all worried.

I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like to mother a son. I can’t wait. This is sooooo exciting. I am so glad that I had a girl first b/c I don’t think I was truly ready for this back then. If I had a boy first I probably would have felt pressured to circumcise him (now I’m super strong in that regard, whooo hooo!) or some other such nonsense.

So tell me about what it’s like to have a son? Are they as cuddly as girls? Any special tips for raising them?

[mommaof5]

I remember feeling the same way! I had four girls and then had a little boy, he is two now so I can only tell you how it has felt up until now. I was in love with him from the start. I would just stare at him and not be able to believe he was mine. It was like the best gift I ever got. I always loved my girls too but having a boy was just different because I really thought I would never have one. Now that he is 2 it is so fun to see how much love he has for his sisters and for his mom and dad. He is super cuddly and loves to tell me how cute everyone is. He loves people and loves to play with cars, balls, and doggies.

I think the biggest challenge for raising boys when they are little is not stereo-typing them. I think we expect certain things from boys and if they are not super boy like we worry they will be girly. I have found that to be crazy! Let your little boy be himself and you will see what a beautiful sweet little boy he is!

I am so excited for you, you are going to be head over hills in love with your little boy!

[guestmama9916]

My son was very cuddly and is still very much a mama's boy at 5.5. I have a DD now and its fun to see the differences. My DD delights in teddy bears but my DS never did. DS has always been fascinated by trains and cars and was making motor sounds before he could even talk that well. DD could really care less about that stuff. As far as special considerations in raising boys, they are more at risk later in life for doing drugs, ending up in jail and not doing so well in life in general. I've read a theory on this and it is believed that this is because society teaches boys to not cry and to hold in their emotion. This makes them more unstable emotionally which leads up to the problems later on. So allow your DS to show his emotions and let him know its ok to cry. My DH is not afraid of showing emotion and crying and I am so thankful for that. He handles stressfull situations very well unlike some men I know. I hope I can instill that in my son as well.

[learnlovebe]

Originally Posted by mommaof5

I think the biggest challenge for raising boys when they are little is not stereo-typing them. I think we expect certain things from boys and if they are not super boy like we worry they will be girly. I have found that to be crazy! Let your little boy be himself and you will see what a beautiful sweet little boy he is!

Amen to that! It can be really easy to fall into that "boy" stereotype. People will try to push it on your son too, and that gets annoying. Another little boy was trying to wrestle w/ my ds at a playdate, and my son was looking at me like, MOM, what is he doing? I'm trying to play here! The other mom was actually embarassed, she doesn't like it when her son does that but that's how her husband plays with him so...

Anyways...
I *LOVE* being a mom to a boy. It's just a blast. It has been so much fun watching him grow and learn and discover things- just like you'd do w/ a girl. I never really understood a "mama's boy" until now. And I don't mean that in a bad way, I just understand- he will always be my boy.

And I don't buy that "boys will be boys" line for one minute. It's all about expectations and how you raise them.

[MamaMonica]

Moved to Parenting.

[Mountaingirl79]

I third that!!!

My little boys are very cuddle-y. My oldest is into electronics and stuff but is still very sensitive and sweet. Both of my boys have been very affectionate and loving, my oldest even had a baby doll and stroller when he was 3. His baby's name was Cosmo. He has grown out of Cosmo and moved onto soccer but I still think of those days fondly.

Little boys are so great!

[Alyantavid]

I adore my boys.

My oldest is very cuddly. He's amazingly smart and so boy! I agree about the stereotyping though. My younger son is proof of that. He's a mama's boy through and through. He's got baby dolls, long hair and painted toenails at the moment.

My only advice is raise your boy not like a boy, but like a child and don't let the comments from others bother you.

[purplemoon]

I have a lot of mama friends with girls the same ages as my boys. Here are what are some "differences" though the things the same are much more prominant.

- Boys are very active
- Boys are MORE cuddly with their mama's. :
- Boys stay sweeter longer (girls get into the "you aren't my friend" bit at around 4, boys just don't care about that and still just have fun)
- Boys can be incredible with the amount of curious foul play. i.e. baby-proof everything twice. The ideas they have can not be imagined.
- Boys think you are the Queen, end all and be all of all womanhood.
- Boys are easier to buy clothes for (though not as fun, easy and cheap).
- Boy diapers are easier to change when poopy
- Boys will fall in love with their genitals and you will understand men so much better and the facsination with their junk. It begins the moment a baby notices it is there.

Other than that, I haven't reached a stage yet where there are big differences at all. My oldest is about 4.

And they are so sweet and loving! I always imagined little boys differently, I don't know why, but they are my lovebugs.

[A&A]

Leave him intact! (Don't circumcise him.)

[purplemoon]

Oh, and it is hard with boys when people think you are making them girly (by allowing them to do what they want) which you don't get with girls.

My boys love having their toe-nails polished, loves things that are pink, my son even found mascara and put it on (what a look that was with mascara everywhere). My youngest has purple crocs that he picked out and I was asked about it once or twice. I let them be who they want to be. They have a baby doll named Bob which they are very sweet to and put to bed. My son right now has twins in his belly (according to him) and I can't touch the belly because I will wake them up.

The differences of how boys and girls play are there (my boys are cars/trucks/trains/planes boys since birth for some innate reason) but suprisingly both genders really do play with the same things with different focus's. If you allow them to anyway.

[kirstenb]

I want to say : to purplemoon's post! Sounds pretty close to my son!

He's a super active little boy. Always running, jumping, climbing, and getting into things. He has no fear. He's smart- I can see his mind working sometimes and it amazes me everytime. He's a huge mama's boy and loves nothing more than a snuggle and a book with me. He adores his papa and I love seeing how his eyes light up when he sees him. He loves balls, bikes, trains, cars, and wearing my high heels (he walks better in them than I do!).

I was so scared to have a boy because I didn't grow up with any boys at all, but I wouldn't trade it for anything now.

[ExuberantDaffodil]

I love having a little boy! I only have a boy, so I don't really know how to compare it. I would seriously be just thrilled with having all boys. Yes, he's active. But so is my niece. He was pretty easy to potty train. He is very cuddly (sometimes almost too much hehehe). He always has bug bites and scrapes on his knees, which is totally adorable in my book. He loves working with his hands, loves action figures and books and superheros... I don't know how to explain it, but I love having a boy and I'm sure you will too!

[Storm Bride]

They're all different. In terms of cuddliness, ds2 has always been my real cuddly one, then ds1, then dd. DD didn't really get cuddly until she was about 3.5 or 4. She seems to be leaving it behind again, too.

DS2 is by far the most active and destructive of my kids, too. He has, literally, done more physical damage to our property and possessions in his not-quite-4 years of life than dd and ds1 have, in their combined 22 years. He's a cyclone....jumps, throws, hits, punches, etc. etc. He's torn two videotapes out of the cases in the last few weeks. He threw BBQ tongs at me yesterday and scratched my leg. He's punched his sister 3 times in the last 2 days. He doesn't self-entertain worth crap. He doesn't like to colour, paint, etc...but could pour lotion or syrup or honey or glue on the carpet for hours, I think. Total tornado. But...he'll also climb into my lap and just...melt into me.

For all that, the most aggressive of my kids, in many ways, is dd. She's not quite as physical about it as ds2 (now), but she's very...fierce. She's quite bossy and...well, she's...different.

DS1 was pretty easy going, and still is. He was semi-cuddly, but always on the go. He didn't destroy things, though. He was artistic and highly verbal and all that. He did like to curl up with me to sleep for a long time.

Anyway- this is pointless rambling, but they're all different. I think boys are generally slightly more active/rambunctious and slightly less verbal. Other than that...the field's pretty wide open. I have to say that, honestly, if they're allowed to be (not pushed into "being a man" or some other stupid crap), boys are more cuddly than girls, ime. I'm not just saying that based on my own kids, either. I've seen it a lot.

[frogautumn]

OMG...I am so, so in love with my little boy! Enjoy!
I agree with pretty much all above...

...boys love their mamas like no one else
...they are super snuggly
...they can be alarmingly active little daredevils and somehow manage to outsmart even the toughest babyproofing
...they are somehow hardwired to appreciate cars, trains, construction equipment, dirt, and animals
...it can be VERY frustrating to deal with society's expectations of boys (boys don't cry/express emotions, play with dolls, wear pink, etc.

I honestly think that little boys are naturally very sweet, sensitive souls and that "get tough" mentality that too often gets placed on them breaks my heart (and I don't think it serves them very well). I look forward to raising a confident, sensitive man!

[EnviroBecca]

Lots of good advice so far!

One thing nobody's mentioned is that some little boys get very possessive of Mama and hostile toward Daddy. (Some little girls do the opposite.) Freud called it the Oedipus Complex, and psychologists used to think it was a lot more important and universal than it is, but it IS a real phenomenon with some boys. My son has been doing this off and on since about 2 years 9 months. He says things like, "Go away, Daddy! I don't like you! ... Mama, you're my best friend!" You want to be alert for this so that you can strike a balance between enjoying his adoration and helping to maintain his relationship with his father. If this goes too far, not only will his father's feelings be hurt, but you'll be the only acceptable parent and will never get any time to yourself! I don't have any magic strategy for convincing a boy to like his father again, but these are two things that help:
*let them have some activities that you're totally uninvolved in, so that if your boy wants to do these things (for example, finger-painting at Daddy's workbench) he has to spend time with Daddy
*keep showing affection to your partner in front of your son, even if he objects--remind him that YOU like Daddy--but don't exclude him from that affection as if his father has won you away from him. My son has stopped objecting and instead reacts to seeing us kissing by running over saying, "I'm usually in the middle of every hug!" and grabbing onto our knees.

Alyantavid wrote:

My only advice is raise your boy not like a boy, but like a child

[honeybee]

I have 3 boys. I love boys. They are so sweet and sensitive and cuddly and silly and loving. And all 3 of my boys are such unique personalities. As far as infancy goes, raising a baby boy is the same as a girl. There will likely be personality differences that might make things different from your dd, but they're not really gender based.

However, as boys grow, I think there are some challenges in our culture that are unique to boys. Girls have challenges, too, just different ones. Here are some really good books on the subject. Everything I've read just confirms to me how important AP is for boys.

Real Boys by William Pollack PhD
Raising a Son by the Elliums
Raising Cain
Boys Adrift

[A&A]

The Minds of Boys is another good book.

[heidirk]

I have two boys, and one I see a lot of DH in, and the other I see a lot of myself in. Even though I have not restricted/encouraged gender type toys or play, DS1 does tend to a. take things apart b. 'hammer' and other wise see how much stress something can take c. run around carreening off of things and people. I haven't seen many girls do that at that age.

but he also plays with dolls, and undresses them, and nurses them, and reads tons of books. He loves pictures of anything, but especially colorful things like fish and reptiles and butterflies. He loves music. he helps me comfort his little brother. He mimics me, saying, "It's ok, Moe, I are here!" and "You will be just fine!"


and best of all, he wraps his wiry little arms around my neck and whispers,"I luft you SOOOOOO much!"


but I realised the other day, that compared to some of my mom friends, I may be strange. We were out in the flowerbed, and I pulled up a huge dandelion. In among the roots was a very large earthworm, and I pulled it out and showed it to him, and asked him if he wanted to touch it. I happen to love worms, and snakes, so I'm sure my fascination was evident. Now he's worm obsessed.

Like the PP said, raise him like a child.

[flapjack]

I have three sons, and they're all totally different. They're all very open and affectionate, though.

[GISDiva]

I have to second the "cyclone" analogy that Storm Bride said, we have one of those too. No matter how gentle you are with a boy, he may end up really liking to pound things over and over and over and over... But I'm sure there are some girls like that too. Right? Please tell me there are...

I think everyone already has really good advice for you, just treat him like the unique person he is and love him no matter how many things he breaks...

And get him a doll. Seriously.