DCP and Boundaries

[mowilli3]

Mamas,

I am having some difficulty reconciling my DS's DCP's actions and my parenting philosophy. She loves my DS very much. He is 2.5 and had was a very active biter for a few months. She was very caring with him and I appreciated that because the other teachers treated him like he was a monster at the time. Recently she called him "Baby" in a sexy voice and acted sexy towards him like she's being seductive. I was really uncomfortable, but I didn't want to make a big deal about it for some reason. If my DD's teacher ever did that, I'd have him arrested. I tried to laugh it off, but it bothers me. Also, she says that he is her son and when she takes him away from me in the morning, he gets a very serious face and will not look me in the eye. She also gives the children stickers for not crying when their parents leave in the morning. She reminds DS that he can have a sticker and he becomes a robot. It's wierd to see his emotions disappear. He doesn't become happy. He just gets blank.

I have been observing this off and on for a couple of months. She used to be a substitute in his class and now she is the lead teacher. I requested a meeting with the director about this, and we are going to meet next Tues. I get a lukewarm reception at the center being an AP/ Unconditional Parenting parent. This place focuses on independence above everything else, and I've know that it's not the best fit for us for a while. I don't have many options since I've moved them 3 times in 3 years. The only benefit is that my DC are in the same building with me and I get to have lunch with them and participate in their activies. It's really important to me to all be close so that we can keep our commute short and have more family time together. I'm trying to get a part-time schedule so that I can take them home earlier.

I'd like some advice on what to say to the director and alternatives for what to do with DS. Right now DH and I want to have him moved to DD's classroom early. DD is in a 3-5 class and he loves it. He's very intelligent and confident with the older children. He's potty learning, but not completely learned. I've been giving him space to learn at his own pace, but I might encourage it more to get him ready to move to the other class.

[sisteeesmama]

That is all wierd, but I don't know exactly what you meant by sexy? If you could elaborate just a little to explain more how you meant it...?

I would say in this case if starting at a new place wasn't an option for now I would lobby for moving him to a different clas, although if you think there is something inappropriate going on between the teacher and your son then I would suggest another move altogether, to another pre-school.

[TinyMama]

I've seen this little "seductive" game played with kids.

Totally weird and unacceptable, imo. But...I suspect, esp. if she really likes your DS, that she doesn't understand how/why it's unacceptable and thinks she's being loving/playful. I hope the director will understand completely and talk with the DCP, but I think it's likely that she won't get why it bothers you. You should go in prepared to explain how/why seduction is seduction is seduction--and why playing "sexy" with a toddler is inappropriate.

About saying that he is her son--that would *really* bother me. Lean down to your son (in front of her). Tell him, "I am your Mama. No one else is. DCP is just joking." And tell her, "Please don't say that. It makes DS nervous."

*If* these behaviors in your DCP stop, will you continue to feel comfortable with your DS in her class? That seems to be the answer you have to answer first. Sounds like it's just a few months before he can legitimately move into your DD's room, right? Are there some alternate arrangements that you could make for that time?

[KissyStarfish]

Yes, it makes sense to share these concerns with the director- hopefully someone who will have some impact. Acting sexy toward a five year old would set off all of my alarm bells and I would also remove my child from the program or at least that classroom as rapidly as possible. I think filing a report against her would also be something I would look into, if your instincts say something is fishy then it probably is. Your son is lucky to have you as his advocate. Good luck and keep us posted. :

[mowilli3]

Originally Posted by sisteeesmama

That is all wierd, but I don't know exactly what you meant by sexy? If you could elaborate just a little to explain more how you meant it...?
.

She walked up to him and said, "Hey, Baby" with a purr. She then squatted down with her breast pointed towards him and asked him in a really seductive way if he wanted to play with the toys. She was caressing his face and sort of whispering. It was like the way I look at my DH when I want to DTD, flirty and seductive, straight in the eye. I'm a big flirt with my DH so I know it when I see it. Not sure I'm describing it right, though.

Thanks for the advice, mamas. I want him away from her because I don't trust her to care for him anymore.

TinyMama, thanks for the words to say. I am going to practice that so that it just comes right off my lips as soon as it happens again. I'm always so taken aback that I don't say anything.