Offered to take friends child on vacation help about $

[Shiloh]

Okay I am going out east to see my family.
Its a pretty cool trip and I said to my friend its too bad I couldn't take her son - he's 11, well behaved, and my older son 7 and him get along well.

Now we are staying with my family, but an 11 year old can eat a bit. And he's not their grandson right. I was thinking a gift (like an expensive bottle of scotch) for my dad to offset the cost he wouldnt take $ and not sure what else would be fair to ask? I don't want to spend money taking this kid more than I would have...KWIM?

It will be a two day ride there and back. So a minamum of 12 meals out of some type - drive through, prepackaged sandwiches. We will be there for 2 weeks and I am figuring about 4 meals out if not more. (if he eats like a small adult that's about 20-25 each meal) Its out east so there'd be a lobster dinner type thing not so cheap. My kids eat like birds and are fussy = very cheap at restaurants. Also if we do an activity, museum or theme park type thing I've got another admission. And we are a no souvenier family but I am sure this kid might want a tshirt or something as he's never been there before. Or copies of the pictures...it could get costly but a heck of a lot cheaper than camp.

I am not thinking of asking her to chip in for hotels as I would have gotten the hotel room anyhow. But any ideas? I am also having to do this kids laundry etc while we are gone. I am not looking to make even $5 dollars on this venture but I wouldn't want to deprive the kid of an activity or feel jilted if it costs me so much more than I thought for reasons I didn't think of.

[JBaxter]

Those are all things you need to discuss before you ask to take him. Something to the effect of... If you send food and activity money I'll handle the lodging and transportation. If you already asked it may be back tracking.

[Shiloh]

she thought $100-200 would be sufficient.
I don't think so but I am struggling to come up with a number and a justification...

what would you offer if it were your kid?

[amynbebes]

Yeah, I think if you've already asked then, in my case at least, I'd feel a bit awkward mentioning money now. I would have said "hey, we would love for so and so to join us on our trip and can't quite swing it. If you can chip in x amount of money for this, this and that we'd love to have him."

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Shiloh

I don't want to spend money taking this kid more than I would have...KWIM?

I don't think I would have offered to bring him along if I felt this way. I think her offer of a couple hundred dollars is very nice. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for more.

[AbbieB]

My first thought is that if you invite the child to come, you cover the food. That would be how I would handle it.

As for theme parks, museums, souvenirs, I think it would be fair to ask his parents, as part of the invite, to give him some spending money to cover these things.

If you already know that the trip will be include a stop at a theme park, I think you should be prepared to pay for his admission, but it is open for discussion.

Now that I see your additional post I would say that $200 seems completely reasonable.

[chfriend]

I think if you invite the kid, you cover the freight. It'd be great for her to send her ds with spending money.

[lilyka]

i would not offer to bring a friends child on vacation unless I was prepared to pay for every penny of it. end of discussion. i think her offer of $100-$200 is more than generous. that will give him money for theme parks and museums and some souvenirs. everything else really is your responsibility. you invited him.

as for your parents I guess I would have asked them first. mine would not mind if I brought a friend along as far as feeding them and stuff goes (I usually buy some groceries anyway since my folks are not big on veggies) but they would mind that their vacation with their grandkids was interupted. I would get your parents a gift as well as picking up some groceries. things like snacks and sandwhich stuff and cereal. thsat way there is always something for them to eat without eating your parents out of house and home.

[Cinder]

Originally Posted by limabean

I don't think I would have offered to bring him along if I felt this way. I think her offer of a couple hundred dollars is very nice. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for more.

I agree!

[onlyzombiecat]

When you said you wish you could take her child did you tell your friend that you wanted her to cover all of his expenses except transportation and lodging?

You might estimate $20 per day for food and admissions for the child. For 2 weeks that would be around $280.
If you think it would be more like $40 to cover each day's food and activities then it would be more like $560 for 2 weeks.
You might tell her that you estimate it will be more like $300 to $600.

I would sit down and figure out your itinerary more concretely so you can give a more accurate $ estimate to your friend. Figure out where you will eat each day. Figure out what places you definitely want to take her ds that cost money.

If you didn't mention her paying his expenses on this trip then you have to choose to pay it or tell her it is too much for you to handle unfortunately and apologize profusely.

[Shiloh]

it was one of those hey if he wanted to go out east maybe I could kind of suggestions. Totally spur of the moment suggestions late last night....Not a I am leaving on the 4rth and we'd love for John to join us for two weeks, we are coming back here and type of offer.

She offered to pay for his expenses and offered 200, or 100 and 100 for his "pocket" money.

I guess I will have to be honest with expenses. I have the extra patience to spend but not the coin.

Food at home I don't mind covering I can buy groceries but with family there is a lot of eating out.....My kids are the eat off your plate and a drink of their own type of kids like under $5 at a restaurant. I have a 15 year old (who is not coming). I know how much bigger kids can eat. If we were staying at at cottage or camping then $100-200 for food would be enough. But he's not a happy meal size of kid he's a full adult supersized combo. KWIM? On the road my kids can split one happy meal for $5 bucks, this kid at McDonalds alone eats almost 10...So if I took the eating out on the road down and back strictly at McDonalds he might cost $100 to feed just the little dude on the road. But I am just thinking one kid's admission to a theme park type place, plus any food (always hugely expensive there) could be $60 bucks....
I could do more bring grocery type of meals but out of my dad's fridge would be difficult too. (I am not eating at mcdonalds by the way it was just an illustration)



I will have to sit down and calculate it all out, and find a way to show the costs? I guess I am a little stumped as if my friend offered to take my kid I am not sure what I'd give them. I should also ask her what he typically eats, maybe he will be a peanut butter and jam kid.

[amandaleigh37]

IMO, if you offered to take him and didn't mention it at the time, I would assume you'd be covering his expenses as your guest.

Since she offered 200, I don't think it would be fair for you to ask for more than that.

[Shiloh]

I think the offer wasn't so formal as it sounds.
At about midnight and a few glasses of wine on their end.
I mentioned it might be 'cool', it wasn't thought out on my end at all.
And I didn't even realise she thought it was a realistic proposal until today.
I am still down for taking him but don't want to spend more money than I have doing it.

5 kids is a lot of work on vacation and my husband isn't coming.
I guess I should have thought it out more, I didnt realise I was commiting to paying for it by inviting him.

[Princess ConsuelaB]

To be honest I think you have to either back out of taking him, be honest that you thought it out more and don't think you can manage it but do NOT ask for more money out of your friend; or be willing to swallow the cost. Seriously.

If it really was as informal and wine provoked as all that, then it shouldn't be any trouble to renege.

[My3guys]

Oh, the things we do late at night after a couple glasses of wine.......

Problem is that you invited him to be your guest and so he is your guests. Guests don't pay. It is unfortunate you didn't have the opportunity to think this out a bit further but now that it is done, it is kinda done. You pay for everything.

On the other hand, it sounds like you will be solo for two days on a car trip with five kids. That, to me, is simply overwhelming. You might be able to disinvite the kid by just fessing up that in the cool light of day you realize that 5 kids for two weeks is more than you can handle and while you would LOVE to have her son join you on a future trip when your husband can help out, you are worried about your ability to do it solo.

Also, 5 kids and one adult = 2 hotel rooms. Did you factor that into your cost?

Good luck.
CTK

[almama]

It sounds to me that you need to be honest with yourself whether you want him along or not. If you don't, be clear about it.

If it is about whether you can afford it, then you need to be clear about that too. If he will be a help, but a financial burden, it sounds as if his mom will foot the bill. You could tell her that and see what she offers.

If money is not a huge problem and he will be a help, then you may want to start thinking in another way. Bringing an 11 yo along to be a buddy with a 7 yo would be like having a full-time mother's helper for me. Going pay rate for that would easily equal a theme park ticket and some spending money.

You could say that you'll cover his meals and expenses, but he will need pocket money for incidentals and if they really want to do something, they could cover the tickets to the theme park and maybe a dinner for all of you. It would make the boy feel great to think he "treated" everyone to the park.

But if you don't want him to come, that is OK, but you need to not let it go any further.

[Shiloh]

For me I guess its mostly about the cost.
It's going to be a lot of work for me.
I wasn't really thinking inviting him would be me paying for all of his expenses.
I am glad ya'll let me know thats what it would be. I will be really cautious if I invite another kid. If I invite a kid to go with us to the zoo, I pay for their tickets, food, etc. But over two weeks I didn't realise the same rules applied..

Yes he could be a helper but he's the quiet kid and I've seen him with his younger brother .....when he's put in charge he's not quite on the ball.

If it were a weekend but this is going to be over two weeks and if I need another hotel room - my kids are small...ouch. My other 'kid' is my aupair.
So I do have a mother's helper and my boys are really well behaved so its not like I am desperate for some help beyond what I got.

[AllisonK]

When I was younger a friend's grandparents offered for her to invite me to Hawaii for a week with them under the condition that I buy my own food and bring my own spending money. They covered airfare, hotel, and all activities. But before they offered we knew the expenses upfront. If I had been invited and then later told we needed this much money, as a child I would have been pretty dissapointed. As an adult I see the issue. Does the boy know all ready?

[ABmom]

As you invited him, I think that you have to pay for his expenses (food, room, excursions, etc) The money his mother offered would be his pocket money do spend as he sees fit. I wouldn't ask for more money from the mother.

Last summer, we invited dh's niece (10 yo) to travel with us for a week. Her father paid for the airfare (he insisted as we flew cross country) but everything else was paid for by us.

If you think that money will be an issue, then I would explain to your friend that you can't take him on this trip but maybe on another trip. I'm sure that she will understand, as any good friend should. The explanation of you with 5 minors driving will be more than enough for her to understand why you changed your mind.

Good luck.

[hhrules]

Shiloh, I totally get what you are saying, but I am wrong a lot! I have always been more than happy to bring along as many extra kids as want to come. It doesnt matter where we are going or for how long. It is so fun for my kids to have the extras and it is fun for the extras. But the truth is that with me as a sahm, our family tends to give up a lot of stuff, and I just can't afford to pay for extra people at events. Also, as a sahm, there have often been times that extra kids would come with us places rather than sit at home alone or be with a babysitter. I loved having the kids but wasnt it a help to the other parents as well?

For what its worth, while most people may view your invite to include paying for the trip, I wouldn't. I would expect to pay my kiddos way. If I were to say to an adult friend, "hey, lets do a girls weekend cruise", I wouldn't expect to pay for my friend, even though I invited her.