How do you deal with husbands that aren't healthy?

[mom61508]

My Dh is a SAD eater. We argue all the time about the way he eats. I want him to set a good example for our 1 year old and he always says he wants to but doesn't. EAts terrible. Anyone with same problem and how do you deal with it! I'm going nuts!!!!

[limabean]

I don't think you can control the way another adult eats. Who makes dinner? If it's you and you cook healthy meals, does your DH eat those or does he eat an alternative, unhealthy meal? Who does the grocery shopping? If it's you and you only buy healthy stuff, does your DH bring unhealthy stuff into the house?

I don't eat very healthy sometimes, but I do restrict my unhealthy eating to when my kids are sleeping or at school because I want to set a good example for them. It's too bad that your DH doesn't share that desire, but I don't know how you can force him to do things differently. The only thing you have control over is making sure that the pantry/fridge are stocked with healthy stuff, and the dinner table is loaded with healthy stuff.

[Mommaloves]

My husband and I are both fairly guilty of this although we limit what my dd is exposed to food wise. Which one of you prepares meals? Does he just snack or what?

[tireesix]

Ok, I thought it was going to be something else lol (DH recovering in hospital from lung surgery!).

OK, I love my healthy meals ie salad and falafel, salad and nut cutlets, salad and whatever, however, I generally have poor eating habits, like chips, pizza, crisps (I am in the uk so switch chips and crisps to American), chocolate and I really hate most vegetables, in fact, my diet is really crap right now.

I know my problems with veg etc are down to food issues due to the way I was raised (ie being forced to clear my plate of cabbage, I was left at the table eating cold cabbage for 4 hours). I just can't get round that, I can eat stuff if its turned into soup and you can't smell/taste individual ingredients but that is it.

I think you need to find out the root of the issue and work from there. In the mean time, try and insist that you understand that partner wants eat x, y and z but you believe it is important to set an example so while you won't stop partner from eating healthy foods, could he restrict it to times when the child is not around? That is what I try to do anyway.

[AngelBee]

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[AbbieB]

I don't want to sound harsh but, you knew that he ate this way when you married him/decided to have kids, right?

Unless this is a new thing picking on his diet now seems a little unfair.

My DH struggles with eating poorly too. He goes through stints of eating healthy (he likes to get into "the zone") and gets a little obsessive about it, to the point of it being nearly impossible to stay on track. Then he binges on fast food. Most of this goes on outside of the house, since he works long hours.

I do the shopping and most of the cooking so there is usually healthy things in the house. He will eat what I cook, and snack on some of the healthy stuff at night. I get annoyed that he never wants to be bothered with breakfast or lunch and chooses to eat fast food, even when there is an easy, healthy alternative packed and ready to go in the fridge. My annoyance mostly stems from food going to waste when he decides to skip it (and we have saved it for him) or wasted time spent pre packing stuff into single serving/grab and go containers.

As far as setting the example, I think that you do not have to worry so much. If you re cooking healthy meals, eating them yourself, and stocking healthy snacks your kids will do well. Both of my kids eat WAY more fruits and veggies than even I do because that's what I feed them, and that's what they have a taste for. Favorite snacks as of late are green peppers, mushrooms, cantaloupe, watermelon, cherries, carrots and nuts.

My kids also eat McDonald's and other junk on occasion. I don't sweat it since the bulk of their diet is awesome.

[sisteeesmama]

I have issues like this from time to time with DH, but for me what it boils down to is control and also my own issues with the offending sitaution.

[Liquesce]

Oh, I thought this was going to be about handling chronic illness or something like that.

I get the frustration with food, I really do, but honestly I think mostly you just get over it. To put it in some perspective ... when my son was about six months old his dad wanted to give him a cookie. I went off on the "not healthy, not age appropriate, I don't want him to know about junk food before he even has to" bent. That he felt pretty demeaned as a parent just showed in his face, but I figured it was for the greater good. A month later he died. A year and a half later do I still wish I'd just let him feed the kid the cookie already? Heck yeah.

If I'm thinking about examples to set for my kids these days ... well, frankly, not fighting with my spouse for control over his diet or his parenting all the time ranks a lot higher than what's on his plate. A father is an adult. For their own benefit kids deserve to see him treated as such.

[Peony]

I've learned over the years to just let it go. My kids eat far more crap then I'd like but it's not worth the battle.

[NicaG]

Originally Posted by Peony

I've learned over the years to just let it go. My kids eat far more crap then I'd like but it's not worth the battle.

:

[birdie22]

Even if you succeed in getting him to change for you, he will resent it. Let it go. He may very well come around, but as long as you're pushing him, he will most likely push back.

You can't control what somebody else eats... certainly not your spouse, and truth be told, not even your child.

[Krisis]

My question is, how do you deal with yourself when you aren't healthy? DH is all gung ho about wanting to eat right but I'd rather wallow in McDonald's. Sigh.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Krisis

My question is, how do you deal with yourself when you aren't healthy? DH is all gung ho about wanting to eat right but I'd rather wallow in McDonald's. Sigh.

Me too. DH started running a couple of years ago, and got in great shape. He's done a bunch of races, including his first marathon a few months ago. I'm so proud of him, but I'm just not on the healthy bandwagon with him.

I'm sure he wishes I was, and I'm slowly working toward changing my mindset because I'm tired of the way my body feels, but one of the things I truly love and appreciate about my DH is that he never, ever brings it up, and is letting me take it at my own pace.

[mom61508]

All good advice. It's not that I'm trying to control his eating I just don't want him eating sweets all day in front of DD. I too like sweets and unhealthy food but since having a child I've gained more self control because I know she will learn by example. I do the cooking and he will usually eat eat what I make at dinner time so that's a plus
He feels the need to have dessert 2 times sometimes 3 times a day and I worry about his health eating this way. His father had a stroke at 40 and his mom is in terrible health as well. I also don't buy junk food but he will make a trip on his own to get some everyday and bring it home. I guess it's just easier for some to have the self control. My daughter really motivates me to be healthy

[mom61508]

Originally Posted by AbbieB

I don't want to sound harsh but, you knew that he ate this way when you married him/decided to have kids, right?

Unless this is a new thing picking on his diet now seems a little unfair.

My DH struggles with eating poorly too. He goes through stints of eating healthy (he likes to get into "the zone") and gets a little obsessive about it, to the point of it being nearly impossible to stay on track. Then he binges on fast food. Most of this goes on outside of the house, since he works long hours.

I do the shopping and most of the cooking so there is usually healthy things in the house. He will eat what I cook, and snack on some of the healthy stuff at night. I get annoyed that he never wants to be bothered with breakfast or lunch and chooses to eat fast food, even when there is an easy, healthy alternative packed and ready to go in the fridge. My annoyance mostly stems from food going to waste when he decides to skip it (and we have saved it for him) or wasted time spent pre packing stuff into single serving/grab and go containers.

As far as setting the example, I think that you do not have to worry so much. If you re cooking healthy meals, eating them yourself, and stocking healthy snacks your kids will do well. Both of my kids eat WAY more fruits and veggies than even I do because that's what I feed them, and that's what they have a taste for. Favorite snacks as of late are green peppers, mushrooms, cantaloupe, watermelon, cherries, carrots and nuts.

My kids also eat McDonald's and other junk on occasion. I don't sweat it since the bulk of their diet is awesome.

Yes we were both SAD eaters before baby I was a little more on the healthy side then he was but we enjoyed sweets, fries, cocktails, whitebread, etc. But now we have a LO and it's time to step up. I guess I get frustrated because all his nieces and nephews are overweight for their age and are sick a lot and he's always saying that he doesn't want out DD to be that way but yet he eats bad.

[smeisnotapirate]

Dealing with the same thing - and I have no idea what to do, either. DH approaches it from a "don't try to change me" thing, when in reality he can eat whatever he wants - just not in front of DS.

He's feeding my 14mo DS cheetos enough that DS recognizes the bag in the grocery store, and it sucks.

[NiteNicole]

My husband is the king of junk food. I worry for his health, but I'm not his mother so I don't nag him. I'd be TICKED if he tried to nag me about the same thing. I ask that he keep his sweets in his home office (I'd happily put a microwave and dorm fridg in there if necessary) and away from our daughter. One, I don't want her to get the idea that eating a whole bag of gummy bears is ok, fun, or a way to be nice to yourself and two, I don't want to have to explain all day long why dad can have cheetoes for breakfast but she can't.

[Dandelionkid]

I have an unhealthy husband and I wouldn't bring it up except he always is bringing it up himself "I'm going to start on Monday" " I'm going to lose weight after you have the baby" "I can't go swimming b/c I look this way". It drives me crazy b/c he sees the need to get healthy, verbalizes plans to get healthy and NEVER does what he says he will do. This is so frustrating!!! I wouldn't be so frustrated if he would just stop talking about all his plans!! It's so frustrating but you can't control, and shouldn't control, your sps's personal health. It just doesn't work. Sighhhhh.

[Honey693]

I do 98% of the grocery shopping so if I don't buy it DH eats a lot less (and so do I). If he really wants something he'll go get it himself, but generally he doesn't' b/c it's not worth the effort.

[NiteNicole]

Originally Posted by Dandelionkid

I have an unhealthy husband and I wouldn't bring it up except he always is bringing it up himself "I'm going to start on Monday" " I'm going to lose weight after you have the baby" "I can't go swimming b/c I look this way". It drives me crazy b/c he sees the need to get healthy, verbalizes plans to get healthy and NEVER does what he says he will do. This is so frustrating!!! I wouldn't be so frustrated if he would just stop talking about all his plans!! It's so frustrating but you can't control, and shouldn't control, your sps's personal health. It just doesn't work. Sighhhhh.

I don't know if you've ever had a long term weight problem (I mean something beyond trying to lose the freshman 15 or get the baby weight off, something long term that becomes part of who you are) but there's a HUGE gap between knowing you shold do something and even knowing that to do...and changing your whole mindset in order to do it. From the outside looking in, I know it seems very obvious and simple: quit doing THAT, do this MORE, don't eat THAT, eat more of THIS. From the inside, it is a whole life overhaul. And it's hard.

Keeping my weight down and getting rid of life-long bad habits and attitudes about food is a full time job for me. I have to evaluate and angst over LITERALLY every food choice I make: do I eat this, or that? I want that, but am I hungry? It's probably not ok to eat standing up in the kitchen, I should get a plate and sit down...naturally thin people probably don't take this much time to make a choice about how to eat a salad, good grief, what is wrong with me...wait, do I really WANT a salad or am I just choosing that because it's what I think I should have? Is it better to figure out what I really WANT and just eat a LITTLE of that? Or is that indulgent and impulse driven? I have a million and one conflicting thoughts about everything I eat, think about eating, or don't eat. And THEN you have to factor in that I have a daughter who is watching all this so I'm trying to give the appearance of a normal, healthy attitude towards food when I don't even know what that IS. It's EXHAUSTING.

What I'm trying to say is, I have compassion for people who know what to do and have plans and then can never really get from the plan phase to the do phase. I'm sure it's hard to understand if you just sort of naturally know how to control your thoughts and your actions when it comes to food. It would be sort of like showing up one day to a job and knowing that your job is very important and a lot depends on your doing it right, but you don't really know what it is you're supposed to be doing or how to do it and no one there speaks the same language as you.