How do you deal with husbands that aren't healthy? - Page 2

[ssh]

I took more of a ". don't let DD see you eat that" approach. Also when we started dating I told DH that I didn't want to visit him in the hospital while he had angioplasty someday, it looked painful. He's completely gotten rid of his snack cake habit and his over all diet has improved, but it's been something he has slowly done himself.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I don't know if you've ever had a long term weight problem (I mean something beyond trying to lose the freshman 15 or get the baby weight off, something long term that becomes part of who you are) but there's a HUGE gap between knowing you shold do something and even knowing that to do...and changing your whole mindset in order to do it. From the outside looking in, I know it seems very obvious and simple: quit doing THAT, do this MORE, don't eat THAT, eat more of THIS. From the inside, it is a whole life overhaul. And it's hard.

Keeping my weight down and getting rid of life-long bad habits and attitudes about food is a full time job for me. I have to evaluate and angst over LITERALLY every food choice I make: do I eat this, or that? I want that, but am I hungry? It's probably not ok to eat standing up in the kitchen, I should get a plate and sit down...naturally thin people probably don't take this much time to make a choice about how to eat a salad, good grief, what is wrong with me...wait, do I really WANT a salad or am I just choosing that because it's what I think I should have? Is it better to figure out what I really WANT and just eat a LITTLE of that? Or is that indulgent and impulse driven? I have a million and one conflicting thoughts about everything I eat, think about eating, or don't eat. And THEN you have to factor in that I have a daughter who is watching all this so I'm trying to give the appearance of a normal, healthy attitude towards food when I don't even know what that IS. It's EXHAUSTING.

What I'm trying to say is, I have compassion for people who know what to do and have plans and then can never really get from the plan phase to the do phase. I'm sure it's hard to understand if you just sort of naturally know how to control your thoughts and your actions when it comes to food. It would be sort of like showing up one day to a job and knowing that your job is very important and a lot depends on your doing it right, but you don't really know what it is you're supposed to be doing or how to do it and no one there speaks the same language as you.

I think that lots of "naturally thin" people go through the same thing. I'm naturally thin and have had to deal with allergies to foods I've only found out about as an adult, as well as converting to a religion that requires certain eating guidelines. More things than weight can motivate someone to do the same agonizing and obsessing over every food choice. Just had to put that in.

But I agree - I have compassion for people who are making that transition to different eating habits. I've been there, too. I'm not sure, though, that ANYONE just knows how to control their impulses about food - it really does have to be taught - that's why the SAD is so dangerous and why being proactive about it feels like the right thing to do. How can I expect someone to be healthier when they are given no support system? It's just not something I can avoid.

[aspenleaves]

The ONLY thing you can reasonably do is lead by example. Asking him to use some discretion in overtly eating sweets or junk before say 3pm? or whatever your lowest tolerance is.... and keep his cabinet of junk seperate.

[funkymamajoy]

I do most of the cooking and he eats what I make. I also do the grocery shopping. I'll buy some of his favorites but most of it is healthy.

I've only made 2 requests:
1. try everything with an open mind
2. sit down at the table as a family for meals
He's been really great about those requests.

He does agree with me on how we want the kids to eat though, so most of his junk/fast food eating is done on his lunch break at work.

ETA I once pointed out how much $$ he spends on junk food and how much we save by eating at home, so now he packs a lunch. With my DH, the way to health is through the wallet.

[LilyGrace]

When I met my now husband, his diet consisted of plain American fare - meat and potatoes, heavy, bland Italian (pizza and pasta, that's it), and a lot of junk food. He had a deep fryer that was in constant use. His diet was so poor that the man thought that Taco Bell was Mexican food!

On the flip, I didn't eat any cooked veggies, not much meat, and preferred not to cook at all, which meant a lot of take out.

Over the years, we've devised a system that works for us. Junk food gets eaten after 8pm. Yeah, we're hiders, but seeing The Kid hopped up on artificial stuff is not a pretty thing. To avoid the manic mood swings, we limit the junk food during the day.

We've slowly introduced new foods. And I do mean slowly. My first enchilada attempt for him was based off a Campbell's soup recipe - all ingredients he had had before, just combined differently. Tonight we're having them with my own sauce, shredded beef, and corn tortillas. Slow changes. It took him 8 years to give up the deep fryer completely. 9 to stop using salt on everything.

And we decided that even if we don't like it, a portion needs to go on our plate. It doesn't matter how big, just a portion.

I still can't get him to give up the nasty cereal in the morning, and I'll never eat cooked broccoli, but we have managed to tweak our diets enough that The Kid (10) will eat almost anything and everything.

[mumkimum]

Here, we try to figure out if we really need X junky food because we're wanting it, or if we can handle Y or Z slightly healthier alternative. So, instead of regular chips & chip dip for dh, sometimes he'll do a yogurt dip or we'll get veggie chips instead of ruffles. Its small, in no big way are these things way healthier, but we do them at least half the time we want something and it does cut down the junk. It's also a really easy way to cut down slowly. Plus we both realize that they're at least marginally better for kiddos.

[InMediasRes]

My husband has a similar problem (and I struggle with it from time to time as well). I have a serious sweet tooth, and I've learned that I CANNOT IGNORE IT. If your DH needs dessert 3 times a day (and I do most days too) you could honor the request with healthier desserts. I fix a little scoop of vanilla gelato with almonds and berries or just fruit with homemade chocolate sauce. These things fulfill my need, but is not the same as eating 10 oreos in a sitting, IMO and is much more satisfying.

I follow the rule that if he really wants it, he has to go and buy it himself, and that mostly cuts down on the problem. As someone with a life long overeating and junk food problem, I know I cannot make him change. He has to make the decision himself.