Do you PLAY?

[mommariffic]

My daughters 22 months, which means she's up my butt 90% of the time.

She loves to play. Play with pretty blocks, finger paint, stack rocks, read, you name it, she loves it. Today, as we were going from activity to activity [mostly reading, going outside so I could plant, baking, painting, etc] I realized: I don't like playing. I mostly set things up so SHE can play, but I try to sneak in chores or writing and reading while she does her thing.

And..I felt horrible

Should I be playing with her more? I love to read and teach her things, but I really would rather NOT stack blocks or do stickers all day.

So, I guess my question is: How much do you engage with your kids and how much do you kind of set them up for independent play? What are your days like, and do you sometimes just want to throw your hands up and say "leave me alone!"

[earthgirl]

I'm bad about this. I was actually surprised to learn this about myself b/c I'm a former preschool teacher and did a lot of playing in those days. Of course, the difference between being in a classroom and being at home is vast. There's really nothing similar to it at all, something else I was surprised to learn. Anyway, I feel like I have to force myself to play. I ALWAYS feel guilty at the end of the day that I did not play enough with DD. Part of it is that I don't like the things she likes to play. It's pretty much books and stuffed animals. She's not very interested in much else, at least not for more than a few minutes. While I don't think I should constantly entertain her, I know in my heart that I could be playing with her a lot more. DH is a stellar player and I envy him for that.

[PNCTink]

I do play with my DD some of the day, but I have a 4mo DS as well and can't play with her all day long. I think encouraging some independent play can be good for a child, but not all day by themselves. I guess I don't really have a specific % of time, but it would be different for every child. Don't feel guilty Mama, as long as you're playing some of the time.

[becoming]

Nope. I have three happy, well-adjusted kids who do their playing with each other or alone. I talk to them constantly, they help me cook and clean, I set them up with fun activities to do, I swing them on the swings, etc., but actual playing - nope. And I don't think they're missing out on anything.

[Fay]

Yes, I play with my kids. And I love it. My DH and I are huge believers in play therapy. Lawrence Cohen's book Playful Parenting has a chapter on the subject of why parents won't play with their kids, and he advises some self-examination on this point.

[cappuccinosmom]

I don't play (in the sticker sticking, block stacking way), and I don't think that makes me a bad mom.

I do engage them a lot, throughout the day. But no, I dont' sit down and do legos with them.

I read to them, go for walks with them, watch them play in the yard, we eat every meal together, talk a lot, watch movies together, go to the park and the library. When they are playing I might insert a comment or have a chat with them about what they're doing, same with art stuff. But actual toys all over the floor kind of play, I don't do.

[MittensKittens]

I have been - DD takes my hand and says "come play, mommy". It makes me feel I have to. Sometimes I enjoy it, at other times I really don't want to, so I don't. I like to set DD up with something to play, let DS crawl on the floor with some toys to entertain him, then do something for myself in the same room, while watching them. DD also loves helping to clean and cook. When I sew, she draws on some scrap fabric with a crayon and says she's got a project too .

[beansmama]

I *HATE* playing!!!!

Okay, this isn't to say I don't like spending time with my daughter. But she is 5, not in school yet, no real "friends", and currently an only child. She seems to think she needs to be entertained 24-7, which i simply cannot do! I need to get stuff done too, not to mention have a little "me" time so i keep sane (yoga, anyone?).

When i say I hate playing...i mostly mean playing with, you know, the littlest pet shop or my little ponies, etc. When it's our time together I try to do things that I will enjoy as well - board games, reading, crafts, "homeschool", letting her help me with cooking, even playdough is preferable to dolls (for me).

I totally feel mom-guilt over this, but i know i shouldn't. I'm still doing fun activities with her...i don't think stacking blocks with your child is a MUST. That's just my opinion though, I've been known to be wrong on (rare) occasion, lol

[limabean]

I spend lots of time interacting with my kids. I enjoy reading to them, coloring, going for walks/hikes, playing board games, dancing to music, doing crafts, doing cooking projects, painting, going to the library or zoo, gardening, water play outside, picnics, etc. But I don't really enjoy playing pretend. My DH does, so he does a lot of that.

I don't think it's anything I need to change about myself -- the kids get tons of both types of interaction, and I think that's a good thing.

ETA: I think when many parents say they "don't like to play," they're only referring to pretend play. I consider all the things I listed in my first paragraph to be play, so although I don't enjoy playing pretend, I do consider myself a parent who plays with her kids.

[JennTheMomma]

We love to play. But sometimes Hunter doesn't want me to play with him, just sit next to him while he plays. I'm normally the only mom at the playground who isn't sitting on the bench, rather sliding with their child and digging in the sand box. I do have to take a breather every now and then, I have asthma and the hot sun makes me a little overwhelmed sometimes.

[kittywitty]

I also hate playing. Even as a kid I was more of a reading introvert or I would swing or play outside. So when my kids beg me to play Lincoln Logs or dolls, I cringe inside. It's just not fun for me. My 1.5yo is a huge attention hog and requests I be in her "baby area" for hours every day. Sometimes that is fun to see how much she has learned and how much joy she gets from it. But I always feel bad that I don't play enough. Dh is the rough housing dad who plays and he makes me feel guilty about it a lot, but it feels forced when I do it.

I do read and cook and talk to my kids and everything a lot. We also do a ton of games. But the pretend play just doesn't work for me.

[syn_ack89]

The one REALLY bright spot of having my MIL live with us is that she spends HOURS and HOURS playing with my son (2-yr-old). She is perfectly happy to play with him. I like playing with him, but not as much as he wants. I sometimes worry that he doesn't have enough time playing by himself...

[fiorio]

I'm glad to read there are other SAHMs who don't "play" with their kids. This is something I struggle with and I feel like a bad mom. My 4 yo DS always wants me to play with him, but lately I find myself creating excuses to put him off (after I get the laundry, after I clean the kitchen, etc.). He is good at playing by himself but the past few months he wants me there with him. I'm such an introvert that it is difficult for me to spend so much time interacting with him like that. I ask him to play games or do crafts with me, but he wants to do other things. Ugh. I feel bad for him since he is an only child and only gets to play with friends a couple times a week.

[PretzelMama]

Add me to the list of mamas who hates playing toddler games. :

I used to feel terribly guilty about it, but I'm realising now that it's only natural that my DD & I don't necessarily enjoy the same activities. Why would we? She's 16 months and I'm 26!

I try to find a balance - I'll get down on the floor and play with her a bit because she loves it, then stop when it becomes too intolerably boring for me. I also do what you do, mommariffic: I'll set up a game and leave her to it.

I like reading to her, and we do that a LOT, but after reading the same book 10 times in a row, the book will mysteriously "disappear" for a while.

Mostly though, I try to do activities that we both enjoy - going on walks, going to visit friends, going to the zoo, etc. I do a lot to keep her happy & entertained, so when we get home I expect her to play by herself a bit.

I know she'd love to have me playing with her 24/7, but I just can't. I'd go crazy!

[BetsyS]

My children are very independent players. The oldest has never asked me to come play with him. Now that I type that, it seems a bit weird, but it is what it is I guess.

We read books, we play outside (both with me sitting and watching and with me joining in), we play legos, we do art projects. But, when he's playing with matchbox cars (the closest thing to dolls he plays with), he's all on his own. That's how he likes it (thank goodness).

[Mizelenius]

I think it's unnatural to want to play with a toddler all day. I don't mean abnormal or wrong if you happen to want to do it, I just mean I don't think that, by our nature, we are wired that way. I look at the past-- did parents play all day with their children? NO WAY! But, I would imagine that extended families and larger families in general were the norm, so there were built-in playmates. Being SAHMs in this day and age is uncharted territory.

That being said, I think there is a balance. I don't do it often enough, but sometimes I will set a timer for an hour and just play. I don't let anything interrupt us. If I can give them one-on-one play, even better, but it doesn't happen very often! Even though I interact with them all the time, there is a huge difference between reading together, cooking together, going somewhere, etc. and just true play.

This is something that I find strange, but true. When my house is clean, I feel much, much better about just playing. I'd been feeling absolutely awful for weeks and could do almost nothing. . .but now I feel better and am trying to be VERY careful with routines (for myself) so that nothing has a chance to get messy. When I play when it's clean, I feel relaxed, and it can actually be fun!

[MysteryMama]

i dont' do much playing. but i don't feel too bad about it. im my kids mom, not their friend or entertainment system. and i spend sooo much time just caring for them there isn't much of me left over for playing.

that being said, i do read to them, cuddle them constantly, talk to them, take them outside (to play amongst themselves) constantly.

one thing that also makes me feel ok about it is i have two ages 2 and 3, just 13mo apart, so they play together. and when dad is home he rough houses with them. if i had a loner i'd probably play more, but honestly it still probably would not be a whole lot. it's just not my thing.

[traceface]

Originally Posted by Fay

Yes, I play with my kids. And I love it. My DH and I are huge believers in play therapy. Lawrence Cohen's book Playful Parenting has a chapter on the subject of why parents won't play with their kids, and he advises some self-examination on this point.

that

[battymama]

I like it some of the time, but my girl is fairly independent and enjoys playing by herself. I talk to her a lot, and i am still working on that alot. I agree that the home environment is so different to the class room, i worked in childcare and it couldnt be more different. As she is getting older i am trying to set up a couple of activities a day where we just sit together and play, like goop or whatever. She is still in the everything in mouth stage so it is hard, and limits my choices.

Hopefully as she gets older and more into actuall play it will be easyer for me, by that i mean out of the "hmm i wonder what this feels like in my mouth" stage as she is a huge mouther. I am really starting to enjoy playing a lot more as we can actually do a lot more. Also different stages different people do better, i am more of a newborn, older toddy and child type person, i dont enjoy young toddys or older babies as much for me it is a lot harder.

[Mama_Meme]

I play. But I play as I'm doing other things. Mostly DD (19 mo) plays by herself, and occasionally brings me things that she wants to play with: her letters, a ball, her stacking toys etc. so i play with her. When we go on walks in the forest, italk about all the fantasies that could be going on (faeries in the trees etc). I want to cultivate her imagination but also maintain myself.
Again, it's a balance.

(and secretly: I LOVE PLAYING!)