No one else thinks being away from a 13 month old for 12 hours is a problem - Page 2

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by RLWS

Thank you so much everyone! I think I will go to the dinner and skip the concert. I do think the concert would be fun, and if she was just a year older I would probably go. But I would be too worried about her if I went, I think. I have a hard time saying no, so this will be a good experience for me. I'm relieved to know that the consensus is that it won't be rude to just do the first part.

Thanks!
-Lora

I am glad that you found a resolution that will work for you.

MDC Rocks!! :

[Bluegoat]

If the idea of the concert sounds tiring to you, then just go to the dinner. I don't think anyone would be offended.

If you really would like to go, then it is a judgement call. I had to begin leaving both my dds for occasional evenings at that age, and both times I thought it would be horrible for them and the caregiver, my dh or MIL. But it actually worked out alright. The first few times were a bit difficult, but the babies were never panicked or felt like they were unsafe or not cared for, they were with people they trusted and loved. And by the third time, they actually had developed their own, different, non-mommy bedtime routine.

So it is a possibility that your baby will benefit from some extra bonding time with daddy, and getting to know/trust him in a different role. You'll have to decide if you think it's likely to work out.

[shanniesue2]

Originally Posted by averlee

Hey, maybe we're freaks of nature, but my 25 month old daughter and I could probably not tolerate a 12 hour period apart. She's still nursing, but also...she wants me. And you know what? I want her, too. I know lots of other mom/kid pairs would be fine with it. Lots of kids are in day care 10-12 hours every day.
What one person thinks is fine, the next will find totally unacceptable- candy, for instance.

I think unacceptable is kind of a strong word, here... I've been in that situation where DS had to be in someone else's care for 10-11 hours at a time (on a daily basis). It wasn't ideal by any stretch of the imagination, but it's what we had to do at the time. Now I got out of that situation as soon as I could, but some people just can't. I think it might be more fair to say, "what works for one family might not work for another." But to say it's unacceptable seems kind of judgemental. Especially when you're talking about something that might not be within someone's control.

[swd12422]

I'm glad you found a solution! I do agree with PPs though, that you should still cover whatever monetary obligation the concert carries. Just b/c you're not going doesn't mean you shouldn't cover what you would have covered for the bride if you were going. Does that make sense?

[sbrinton]

I don't think you would be a bad bridesmaid for going home after dinner and drinks.

I also don't think you would be a bad mom for going to the concert.

I left my maybe 10 month old son along with his 3 year old brother for about 36 hours to go on a mini-vacation with my husband. I pumped before the trip so my son would have milk and on the vacation so my supply kept up. I missed him and he missed me. But he survived and had fun with his grandparents. I enjoyed the time with my husband so much.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by averlee

Hey, maybe we're freaks of nature, but my 25 month old daughter and I could probably not tolerate a 12 hour period apart. She's still nursing, but also...she wants me. And you know what? I want her, too. I know lots of other mom/kid pairs would be fine with it. Lots of kids are in day care 10-12 hours every day.
What one person thinks is fine, the next will find totally unacceptable- candy, for instance.

Thank-you for this- I totally feel the same way. I skipped a wedding and lost a friend b/c I was too stressed out to leave my 24 month old nursling for 2 days. That was a year ago and I still feel bad that the friendship had to end (her decision, although I suppose she would say it was mine ).

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by Dandelionkid

Thank-you for this- I totally feel the same way. I skipped a wedding and lost a friend b/c I was too stressed out to leave my 24 month old nursling for 2 days. That was a year ago and I still feel bad that the friendship had to end (her decision, although I suppose she would say it was mine ).

That is too bad about your 'friend'. How crappy of her

[lawschoolmama]

Originally Posted by mamatoablessing

I agree. If you can swing dinner then you've fulfilled your "obligation", IMO. The concert would be an added bonus which I don't think you have to attend. That is a long time to be away from the baby and plus, it's tough getting up with the kids after only a few hours sleep. That's one thing I never understood when I was single and childless!

:

[limabean]

I don't have a problem being away from my 13-month-old for that length of time, but I don't understand why some people think that because *they* don't have a problem with it, *no one* should have a problem with it. If it doesn't work for you, then it doesn't work for you.

I'm glad you've found a solution you're happy with. Don't feel like you have to justify your decision to anyone!

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by limabean

I don't have a problem being away from my 13-month-old for that length of time, but I don't understand why some people think that because *they* don't have a problem with it, *no one* should have a problem with it. If it doesn't work for you, then it doesn't work for you.

I'm glad you've found a solution you're happy with. Don't feel like you have to justify your decision to anyone!

I agree. Different things work for different families. I couldn't leave my second ds until he was 8 months old, and that was only for a few minutes at a time. I was sometimes envious of Mama's who felt comfortable leaving their 2 month old babe while they got some downtime. It really depends on the babe, too, because I was never so concerned with my first son. He was happy with anyone.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by dubfam

That is too bad about your 'friend'. How crappy of her

Thanks- I still have guilt sometimes so I appreciate the support. She admitted to being jealous of dd1 when she was born so I had a feeling the friendship might end if I missed her wedding. Sighhhhh...

[RLWS]

Just wanted to post an update.

I told the other bridesmaids that I will only be attending the first part, but that I was happy to help plan/pay for it all. They were very polite to me about it, and I hope that reflects what they truly feel. But regardless, a weight of anxiety is lifted off me now. Phew!

Thanks for all the advice,
Lora

[averlee]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

I think it might be more fair to say, "what works for one family might not work for another." But to say it's unacceptable seems kind of judgemental.

Shanniesue, I apologize if I offended you, or made you feel judged, with my wording. I'm glad you seem to understand what I actually meant, because I do understand, we don't always have a choice.

[Barefoot~Baker]

My dd1 was exactly the same at that age, only nursed to sleep or slept in the car. You've gotten great advice and have a great plan now

[Belia]

I'd be curious to see the response if you posted this question on the Knot or some other wedding website......

I vote for dinner, no concert.