finding a place to worship?

[mommy68]

Why is it so hard to find a place to worship that both partners agree with? DH and I left a group we were both a part of for almost 10 years a few years ago. We were both very commited to that group but some things were off so we decided together to leave.

We have visited several churches the last few years, some okay and some not. We agree with some things in a church but not other things it seems. I definitely don't agree with having to "become" a member of a church.

Very recently DH found a home church and decided after going by himself a couple of times he is commited to it. It's one family doing this in their home and they only get together a couple times of month. They make the rules since it's their house and they do things much the same as our old church that we attended for 10 years. They do things I don't agree with in other words minus a few of the more hardcore stuff which I'm glad they don't do.

My problem? I don't want to go to this home church. I have two small reasons I don't want to go but they're important enough to me to not want to go (they operate the manifestations and sit in a circle in a livingroom putting everyone on the spot to pray and share). DH wants me to go this Sunday but I don't and I've told him. I have done nothing but stress over this for many days and Sunday is getting close. I just don't agree with those things and don't feel I should have to be forced to go just because he wants to go.

[Bluegoat]

It sounds like you have either gone with him before or he'd told you about the service in detail? It sounds to me like you either need to find a new church together, or he will have to go alone.

Maybe it would be useful to make a list of things you are looking for in a new church, including a section for absolutes and for wants. Kind of like when you go looking for a new house. If nothing else, it might clarify for you, and for each other, what is important to you in a church.

So, for example for me, I would insist on a church that had a sacramental theology. I would like a church with good music, and a good children's education program.

I'm curious though, what are the manifestations?

[mommy68]

Thanks for your input.

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

It sounds like you have either gone with him before or he'd told you about the service in detail? It sounds to me like you either need to find a new church together, or he will have to go alone.

Maybe it would be useful to make a list of things you are looking for in a new church, including a section for absolutes and for wants. Kind of like when you go looking for a new house. If nothing else, it might clarify for you, and for each other, what is important to you in a church.

So, for example for me, I would insist on a church that had a sacramental theology. I would like a church with good music, and a good children's education program.

I'm curious though, what are the manifestations?

I haven't been to this family's home yet. It's a family he met at another function that I chose not to attend about a month ago and they invited him to their home to worship. As far as I know it's just this one family. I prefer atleast a small group of 20 or more people, preferably 50 or more though. DH likes it small but I also know that he wants to make new friends and I think he's doing it for the social aspect more than anything else. I think it's kind of odd to worship that way and have tried to avoid it.

The manifestations are speaking in tongues and sometimes interpreting.

And we have talked about what we both agree on regarding a church over and over.

We actually visited a church a few months ago that played Christian rock music, the kids knew some other home schooled children (I knew the moms) and we all really liked it. There were no requirements for membership, and other things that I really liked. There were people in their jeans and tshirts and they had a coffee shop. I could also get involved there and do things within the community. But DH decided the music was a little too much and it was pretty loud but I still liked it. It was the closest we had been to something we both could agree on. But the loud bass music messed it up. I actually would love to visit there again.

[hibana]

I know of one perfectly happy married couple who have been attending different churches for over 20 years. I'm not quite sure how they make it work, but I know it can be done. They believe the same things, but prefer different environments.