Well, I wrote DH an email explaining everything that I was feeling on Wednesday, and then decided to take off and go do some shopping. While getting some fabric to made blankets for the baby, I ran into DH's father and stepmother (who for all intents and purposes I consider more like a mother.) She could tell right away that something was up, so she flat out asked me what was wrong. I didn't want to tell her at first, but then I broke down and did because I knew they wouldn't judge either of us. FIL got ahold of DH and talked to him while mom talked to me. DH will be staying with FIL for the next few weeks, and mom told me that she would come stay with me to help out with the girls and the pregancy. She told me quote, "You are the closest thing I will ever have to a daughter, and I want to help you like a mother should." It about brought me to tears. I called to the church, and the girls and I went to counseling yesterday, and DH went last evening. I know there was some concern by a poster about the qualifications of the church to deal with a sit like ours, but they are equipped to handle it. Our church has an actual counseling department with multiple different counselors with different specialties. They were able to talk with the girls in one room while I was in another for my session.
DH has called me and we have talked too. He adamently apologized for his behavior, and said he didn't mean what he said he was just angry and upset. He does want to work through things, but he knows that he has to show me that he does, and not just say it. I have also advised him that I will no longer take responsibility for his son, and that I was advised to back myself and the girls away from SS for the time being. My girls welfare and my marriage must come first if they are to survive. It was laid down plainly that as much as I want to be there to help take care of his son in the right way, that it is now out of my hands, and that DH, SS and SS mother need to figure out a way to deal with him that does not involve me or the girls. I was told by the girls' counselor after their session that they do show fear of SS, and the best thing would be to provide them with an environment that does not include him for awhile, so they will not even be visiting with him for at least the next few months. I was told that I need to show them that their safety is my top priority, and that I will provide them with a safe haven and not stress them with fear every other week.
So at least there has been some communication, and progress hopefully. At least that is better than nothing.
DH has been and I know can be again, a great husband and father, I just think there are some underlying issues that he needs to address. He also does have a habit of acting of of sorts as the birth of a child draws near, so it may be a combo of things making him act this way. (Not that I'm excusing what he has done, but I feel in my heart that there must be something else going on for him to act this way because about 90% of the time he's great to me and the girls.)
I do value my marriage, and I will exhaust all means possible before I ever resort to a divorce, becasue then there is always the "what if" factor. I believe that it is a sacred covenant, and that there will be hard times, and working through those hard times (if possible) will make the marriage that much stronger. God will get us all through this, and whatever the outcome, I will remain content because it is His will that things end up the way they do.
BTW...yes we have been in counseling before, and it did help, but that involved a little different circumstances, but at least it did help in the past so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this time will be the last.
I'll keep everyone updated on what is going on, and hopefully we can have enough of our issues sorted out before the baby comes so we can fully enjoy the first few weeks with our new son as a fam, the way it should be. Although I know that counseling this time will be an ongoing thing for a lot longer to be assured that we don't have issues again involving the same root problem.
Thank you to everyone for all your support and
DH has called me and we have talked too. He adamently apologized for his behavior, and said he didn't mean what he said he was just angry and upset. He does want to work through things, but he knows that he has to show me that he does, and not just say it. I have also advised him that I will no longer take responsibility for his son, and that I was advised to back myself and the girls away from SS for the time being. My girls welfare and my marriage must come first if they are to survive. It was laid down plainly that as much as I want to be there to help take care of his son in the right way, that it is now out of my hands, and that DH, SS and SS mother need to figure out a way to deal with him that does not involve me or the girls. I was told by the girls' counselor after their session that they do show fear of SS, and the best thing would be to provide them with an environment that does not include him for awhile, so they will not even be visiting with him for at least the next few months. I was told that I need to show them that their safety is my top priority, and that I will provide them with a safe haven and not stress them with fear every other week.
So at least there has been some communication, and progress hopefully. At least that is better than nothing.
DH has been and I know can be again, a great husband and father, I just think there are some underlying issues that he needs to address. He also does have a habit of acting of of sorts as the birth of a child draws near, so it may be a combo of things making him act this way. (Not that I'm excusing what he has done, but I feel in my heart that there must be something else going on for him to act this way because about 90% of the time he's great to me and the girls.)
I do value my marriage, and I will exhaust all means possible before I ever resort to a divorce, becasue then there is always the "what if" factor. I believe that it is a sacred covenant, and that there will be hard times, and working through those hard times (if possible) will make the marriage that much stronger. God will get us all through this, and whatever the outcome, I will remain content because it is His will that things end up the way they do.
BTW...yes we have been in counseling before, and it did help, but that involved a little different circumstances, but at least it did help in the past so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this time will be the last.
I'll keep everyone updated on what is going on, and hopefully we can have enough of our issues sorted out before the baby comes so we can fully enjoy the first few weeks with our new son as a fam, the way it should be. Although I know that counseling this time will be an ongoing thing for a lot longer to be assured that we don't have issues again involving the same root problem.
Thank you to everyone for all your support and
I think he is very wise
I'll keep praying.
