Cleaning with a SPIRITED (aka NAUGHTY) child.

[JamesMama]

My DD is...well spirited...she's very high needs very high energy...very 'naughty' (for lack of a better word)

We do not have a dishwasher.

If I go into the kitchen to wash dishes and put the gate up in the living room she will hit her brother, climb in the window sill and push on the screen, try to escape out the (locked) front door (there is no bolt lock, we're renters, it's just a matter of time before she figures out the screen), tries (and succeeds) to climb the gate, messes with the TV/stalite...you get the idea.

If I allow her into the kitchen with me she messes with the microwave, empties out the drawers/cupboards, messes with the laundry stuff (washer is in the kitchen), messes around in the bathroom (off the kitchen), empties shelves, etc etc etc.

I've tried waiting till nap time but she's the worlds worst napper (10 minute naps...in arms...if I'm lucky) She also will not sleep unless she can touch me at night.

I also try when DH comes home from work, but we're usually eating or going to bed (he works an odd 2nd shift, 11:30-8:00).

I don't know what to do with her, my kitchen is a disaster, and I can only clean for 5 minute spurts before she starts terrorizing everyone (and that's IF I'm lucky).

DH is in end stage renal failure and is still working full time. He does not have the time/energy to do any of this junk so I can't ask him. I don't have family near by that can watch her while I clean. I don't have a car (1 car family) to take her anywhere. I prefer not to wear her anymore because she's rather heavy and I have a bad back, plus she pulls my hair or ear rings or hits me and it just makes everything worse.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[philomom]

Are the big kids out of school in your area? Sounds like you need a mother's helper. You could be training a young girl to be a baby sitter while you are in the house. Have her keep the dd amused while you do the dishes. Or have her put dd in the stroller and take her for a walk around the block a few times.

[Lovemy3babies]

Sounds like my ds. Its chaotic when I clean around here. He is very very high needs/ naughty/ energy. Here is a hug for you mama, it is hard!

Maybe try putting her at the table next to you with playdoh, paints, coloring, special toys? I have 3 bins put up with special stuff for my kids. They only get to do them a couple times a week, if that, so when they do, they are very attentive. That includes leapsters, whiz kid system, train set, crayons, remote control cars (they have a my little pony remote control scooter that dd has and LOVEs, it could be really special to play with!).

[dubfam]

Do you have a way to wear her on your back while you clean? Like in an Ergo carrier or a Kelty hiking pack?

I can really relate to what you are going through. My youngest DS was born 12/2007 and he STILL wont nap on his own. It makes me CRAZY!! He is also very very busy and into everything and my house is falling apart!

The worst thing is that I am working so hard every day and things are still a wreck

I just keep telling myself that he WILL outgrow it. This too shall pass, you know? Someday I will fondly remember the backbreaking hours spent holding him while he sleeps. And there are tons of sweet moments I would have missed had he been napping on his own...little sleep giggles and sweet facial expressions. I wont remember how the housework piled up so badly that it could drive me to tears...

HTH and I hope things get easier soon.

[chfriend]

How old is she? Can you get a Learning Tower so she can help? Can you set up a Montessori-esque washing station so she can join in?

Sounds like she wants to be with you and participate!

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by Lovemy3babies

Sounds like my ds. Its chaotic when I clean around here. He is very very high needs/ naughty/ energy. Here is a hug for you mama, it is hard!

Maybe try putting her at the table next to you with playdoh, paints, coloring, special toys? I have 3 bins put up with special stuff for my kids. They only get to do them a couple times a week, if that, so when they do, they are very attentive. That includes leapsters, whiz kid system, train set, crayons, remote control cars (they have a my little pony remote control scooter that dd has and LOVEs, it could be really special to play with!).

I second that...I can put ds in his high chair with a messy art project...or I let him dump things into different containers on the kitchen floor while I clean. It is definitely a challenge to find things to keep him busy. I actually unplugged the toaster and let him play with it the other day while I did dishes. That is how desperate I get

[lolar2]

How old is she? And is she short, medium, or tall for her age?

[JamesMama]

She's 18 months, medium height.

We can't afford a mothers helper or any sort of tower thing. DH's company cut hours so we had to take a 20% pay cut. We get unemployment but it doesn't make up for money lost. No table in our kitchen...even if there was she'd never sit there for more than 6 seconds. VERY short attention span on her.

Forgot her other 'trick' pulling her pants off, undoing the onsie, taking off her diaper and pooping on the floor. EVERY FREAKING TIME. Just did it...while I was doing my 5 minute dishes spurt. I've tried getting her to potty train but she just sits on the toilet and grunts, won't actually go.

[VisionaryMom]

DS was this way, and we didn't have a dishwasher either. I would let him play with kitchen items (measuring cups, wooden spoons) while I cleaned because he always liked to be playing with whatever I was doing. That worked well. I've also been known (yes, to the detriment of the environment) to purchase paper plates and utensils to use for a week at a time until I can get caught up. To be fair, I also have bipolar disorder, and it's a stage-one coping mechanism when I get depressed. Still it works when you don't have a dishwasher because sometimes if you can get caught up, then it's easier to keep things up. I also learned to cook a lot of one-dish meals when we didn't have a dishwasher. (I HATE washing dishes.)

The good news (for later) is that my DS grew out of it. He still has the same intensity, but now he understands when I tell him I need to clean up.

[JamesMama]

I'm sooooooo tempted to go buy some disposable dishes (cups, silverware, plates, maybe even bowls) just so I can get semi-caught up.

I'm a SAHM, we have 3 meals a day at home. Meaning I have 4 sets of breakfast dishes, 3 sets of lunch dishes (plus whatever pots/pans utensils required), 4 sets of supper dishes (plust pots/pans/etc). Plus random sippy cups/glasses/snack dishes (spoons for yogurt, knives/plates for cheese&crackers, plates and knives for pb&j) plus my DS has this 'thing' about using the same cup more than once so I go through at least 6 cups a day with him (and YES, I've tried my darnest to get him to use the same flipping cup, he refuses, throws a fit, says it's 'dirty' won't use it says it tastes acky (if he goes from chocolate milk to juice to water or whatever) he will not use the same cup twice). I'm ALWAYS about 5000000 dishes behind it seems.

[Alyantavid]

When my boys were in that stage, I'd get them a chair and have them rinse the dishes. Took forever and got water everywhere, but they were occupied and happy. Or I'd take a bunch of cleaned out sour cream/cottage cheese containers, spoons and anything else I could think of and let them play. Makes another mess, but they were (sort of) willing to help clean that up.

[chfriend]

Originally Posted by JamesMama

She's 18 months, medium height.

We can't afford a mothers helper or any sort of tower thing. DH's company cut hours so we had to take a 20% pay cut. We get unemployment but it doesn't make up for money lost. No table in our kitchen...even if there was she'd never sit there for more than 6 seconds. VERY short attention span on her.

Forgot her other 'trick' pulling her pants off, undoing the onsie, taking off her diaper and pooping on the floor. EVERY FREAKING TIME. Just did it...while I was doing my 5 minute dishes spurt. I've tried getting her to potty train but she just sits on the toilet and grunts, won't actually go.

18 months is waaaaaay early to be trying to potty train. She is a baby. Really, really, honestly. A baby. She isn't potty trained, wants to be right with you and has a short attention span because she's a baby.

Here's what I would do (and I've lived with a chronically ill partner so I get where you are coming from): Get plastic dishpans. Sit them on the floor with towels around you. Wash and rinse the dishes together with your baby (dressed only in a diaper). She'll likely love getting all wet. You'll get the dishes done without stress and have sweet bonding time with your little one.

Do not hesitate to buy disposable plates, pans, etc. during this time. Focus on keeping things going without doing any more than you absolutely have to on the house.

[bender]

You mentioned she tries to escape. Can you ask your landlord to install a deadbolt on the door? Or a security screendoor (which has a deadbolt included and keeps the house safe)?

[averlee]

I can tell you're really frustrated! I'm sorry!
My daughter, 25 months, is a lot like yours, I think. In some ways I think I have it easier than you- she's my only child, and her dad is able to help a lot. But, I still have my hands full.
I've decided to let a lot of the housework go. I will probably mop the floor when she starts kindergarten. We use paper plates whenever possible, another trick we do is just rinsing the dishes, using a brush to get the chunks, and letting them air dry. They aren't sterile, maybe not even sanitary, but we've never gotten sick from it. Similarly, I only vacuum when the floor is really really dirty, instead of worrying about every little mess. I try to involve my daughter in the cleaning, but that only helps a little. Relaxing my standards, and my husband's understanding about why the house is always a mess, has lowered my stress level a lot. No one wants to live in a dirty house, but I find it preferable to cleaning at this point!
There is another issue you mentioned, that is separate- your daughter hits? As a mom, I haven't faced that challenge. But as a preschool teacher, kids who hit were the very hardest to deal with. That is a challenge all its own.
Maybe instead of hiring someone to help you, you could babysit an older kid sometimes. An 8 or 9 year old girl might like to help with the kids, or household chores. If her parents paid you to watch her, you could pay her a little bit (like a dollar) for her work.
Best wishes!

[JamesMama]

Originally Posted by chfriend

18 months is waaaaaay early to be trying to potty train. She is a baby. Really, really, honestly. A baby. She isn't potty trained, wants to be right with you and has a short attention span because she's a baby.

I just figured since she's so anti diaper and will literally remove her diaper JUST to pee/poop on the floor that she might be hinting at wanting to go in the potty. She won't sit on the little potty seat we have, wants to sit on the toilet, but then won't go ever.

I don't know if she'd help me. She'd probably just throw the cups/plates and break them. or dump the pot over or something. If I'm having my older DS (4.5) clean up his room she'll literally just follow him around and whatever toy he puts IN the toybox she grabs out and throws on the floor.

The hard part is because of the immunocompressed state DH will be in right after his transplant I HAVE to get the house 115% IMMACULATE prior to July 21 this year. I honestly don't have a choice. It has to be CLEAN. Floors, under everything, counters, EVERYTHING has to be sterile as I can possibly get it. and only being able to clean for 5-10 minutes at a time makes it impossible.

[Kim Allen]

I can totally sympathize with you. Ds has been this way since he was about 18 months also. He is 26 months and hasnt grown out of it. He always wanted to "help" which is so cute and precious but it involved doing the dishes over and over agian because he would throw clean ones in the dirty ones and repeat.lol

I had to put up all the dining room chairs on the table 24/7 and they stay there. We only take them down to eat and then they go back up. Everyone thinks were weird im sure haha. He lately has been climbing the counters I have yet to figure one out for this one. I know he only wants to help but it really does cause chaos. What could take ten minutes takes 30 and involves alot of frustration as I try to move everything out of his reach.

Oh and did I mention he can unlock the baby gate?? ya so it serves no purpose here.


ETA: he was a pooper too only on the couch! for like a week straight every day when I did the dishes. Good thing they were unzip cushion covers that came really clean!
Good Luck!

[averlee]

Oh my gosh.
All my advice about letting your house be dirty is so unhelpful, I'm embarrassed.
Honey, do you belong to a church? My family is not exactly religious, but there are churches in my community overflowing with people who would love to help families like yours. Where do you live?
When my niece was preparing for transplant/doing home dialysis, my sister in law joined a church, because she needed support. Dozens of people came forward- giving money, cleaning and bringing food, donating toys and carseats and gas cards, and providing child care during hospital stays.
Would you be interested in accepting help? Could I help you get started looking for resources?

[sisteeesmama]

It soundlike you need a HUG! All that sounds frustrating, I am right there with you witht the crazy-spirited-into-everything-dd.
I was on the phone this morning making breakfast and she broke 2 figurines, turned a dining room chair over, dumped flour on the floor, got outside, took her diaper off and squeezed a juice box all over the carpet.....and the juice boxes were in a box for the church donation!
I have just given up on trying to compete with the mess, I have given into living in squalor, LOL! But for what's it's worth I have a dishwasher......I got it on Craigslist and it ROCKS, it was only $25.....have you looked for one?

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by chfriend

18 months is waaaaaay early to be trying to potty train. She is a baby. Really, really, honestly. A baby. She isn't potty trained, wants to be right with you and has a short attention span because she's a baby.

I think the OP was trying to potty train because her daughter was showing some readiness signs (removing her diaper to go poop) . When I read that she was pooping on the floor my first thought was 'Maybe she's ready to potty train!'
My sisters kids have all been potty trained by 20 months...her 2 youngest by 18 months. That includes overnight. All she did was give them lots of chances to use the bathroom, and was very encouraging, and they all figured it out. She was never forceful about it or anything. Most kids really are ready much younger than we think.

My oldest DS, however, was so resistant about potty training that he wasn't ready until he was 3 years old. DS 2 is 18 months and is showing many readiness signs, including going into the bathroom and peeing next to the toilet. I doubt he will be in diapers much longer.

18 months is a fine time to offer a child the chance to relieve themselves in a more dignified way. Many children are ready at that age, but not given a chance. A child who is removing their diaper to eliminate sounds ready to me!

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by JamesMama

I just figured since she's so anti diaper and will literally remove her diaper JUST to pee/poop on the floor that she might be hinting at wanting to go in the potty. She won't sit on the little potty seat we have, wants to sit on the toilet, but then won't go ever.

I don't know if she'd help me. She'd probably just throw the cups/plates and break them. or dump the pot over or something. If I'm having my older DS (4.5) clean up his room she'll literally just follow him around and whatever toy he puts IN the toybox she grabs out and throws on the floor.

The hard part is because of the immunocompressed state DH will be in right after his transplant I HAVE to get the house 115% IMMACULATE prior to July 21 this year. I honestly don't have a choice. It has to be CLEAN. Floors, under everything, counters, EVERYTHING has to be sterile as I can possibly get it. and only being able to clean for 5-10 minutes at a time makes it impossible.

Oh I am so sorry. That must be really stressful.

Both of my kids are really high energy and need to get out a bunch. Can you try wearing her out at the park, or taking her swimming before cleaning? Maybe if she doesn't have all the extra energy she wont be QUITE so busy. Also, I was wondering if there was any way your hubby could taker her out for a while so you can get some stuff done?

It sounds like you are in a state of emergency. You have to get the house clean, better than spotless and you have about 6 weeks to do it in. Do you have ANYONE nearby who can help you out? DO you have any family who can help you with $$ to hire some help?

Now is the time to ask other people for whatever they can do to support you in making this happen. Make a big list of everything that needs to be done and try to divide it up by weeks, so that you can see you are on a timeline to being done. It would also be nice to have a list handy for in case someone else can help you get some of it done.

This is a big challenge, but you will find a way to make it work. If I lived nearby you I would offer to bring my little guy over and keep her busy while you worked.