OMG -- terrible three's?!?

[show&tell]

Please, I need some words of moral support. My DS will be three next month. He was a darling child who rarely misbehaved -- never had a melt down, always picked between the two choices I gave him, an angel, really. I actually thought that somehow the work we did with sign language and his great communication skills had helped us to skip the terrible two's altogether. Ha, I was tricked!

Um, so now, it's like someone flipped a switch. He's a raving lunatic. Argumentative, opinionated, running around like crazy, throwing toys, making messes, poking everything, misbehaving, not listening, melting down, crying about everything and everything, etc, etc, etc. Many of you probably know the deal. Time out doesn't really work for him, he sits in it -- but I don't think that it sinks in. Counting down sometimes works sometimes doesn't.

So, please, with his little sister on the verge of crawling -- I'm feeling...doomed. Please, if you have any advice or resources on what is going on and how to deal with it -- I'd appreciate it very much. Thanks in advance!

[dkenagy]

I don't have a lot of advice for you, but I wanted to send a (((HUG))) and say that since I have had kids, I've wondered what all the "terrible two" fuss was about. It's the terrible threes, as far as I'm concerned!! Two years olds need help becoming independent and communicating as fast as they are thinking, but three year olds are SASSY!
Hang in there; the fours seem to even things out a little!

[soccermama]

show&tell - I'm there with you. My DS ventured in to the terrible three's a couple of months ago. He was an amazing baby and toddler, but now, that he's become a 'big boy' and more independent, he takes a lot of things personally.
Now, he doesn't do most of what your LO is doing, but he still talks back, throws things when he gets upset, would rather listen to the dog than listen to me - you catch my drift.

What's worked for us are the TO's, but then also discussing why he was placed in TO after the time is up. I don't think he fully understands either, but my little guy can sense when I'm sad or upset and wants to make things better. I tell him I'm sad or upset because he didn't listen to mommy or doesn't like it when you throw things when you get upset, etc.,

And also - lots and lots of telling yourself "this is just a phase, this is just a phase...."

Hang in there, mama!

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by dkenagy

I don't have a lot of advice for you, but I wanted to send a (((HUG))) and say that since I have had kids, I've wondered what all the "terrible two" fuss was about. It's the terrible threes, as far as I'm concerned!! Two years olds need help becoming independent and communicating as fast as they are thinking, but three year olds are SASSY!
Hang in there; the fours seem to even things out a little!

Yeah that. Mine will be 3 next week and the things that come out of his mouth just make me want to scream.

The upside, for me at least, is that I have a wonderful, sweet 7 year old who went through this same stage. And we both survived.

[Mbella]

Sorry no advice here as we are going through the same thing with our once very sweet dd. My mom calls them the "impossible threes." I now get what she means! One of my friends who has a four year old said it passes once they turn four. I hope she is right!

[show&tell]

Oh my goodness..a WHOLE YEAR of this?!?!?

[Just Elsa]

My kid did this too. Someone told me the secret about the terrible twos is that they happen at three, right when you're patting yourself on the back for getting through so nicely. You're not alone.

[LuxPerpetua]

My child has always been high needs but around 3 (a little before for us) she started having major meltdowns and all the fun 3 yo stuff you described. What helped us was letting her have as much control over everything as possible. There was time period (about a month, I think) where we could not start our dishwasher, flush the toilet, use the microwave, open the door with a key, pour any detergent, or start our showers without having her help us. We felt like we lived with a tyrant, but from past experience with dd I've learned that if you just indulge the impulse it goes away. And sure enough, after about 2 months of difficulty she woke up one morning and was easy peasy (or as easy as dd gets, anyway). We haven't had an issue since and dd is 3.5 now, so don't feel like you're dooomed for an entire year. For us, just hunkering down in that beginning phase was so worth it. It was hard but it went away quickly. Here's hoping you have the same luck!

[angie7]

My twins have always been on the high end of neediness but 3's are rough for us. Some days are better then others but the tantrums are full throttle and they have the attitude to back it up. I can't believe they are only 3 b/c they sound more like 13!

My dh jokes that it is the old statement "the terrible 2's" is more like the "terrible 2's and the impossible 3's" :

[LiamnEmma]

I have always believe 3 is harder than 2. Both my kids were really difficult at two--they're beginning to realize that they are individuals and they're really torn between being a big kid and wanting help, wanting to do things themselves but not having the skills, having big ideas but no means to communicate them or carry them out, etc. It's a difficult year. I found that they both calmed down significantly by four and a half, it was like a switch just turned back off. There are always phases. Three was particularly difficult at our house too. Consistency and the occasional "Please give me strength" plea to the skies helped me.

[guestmama9972]

Age three to about four and a half was the WORST for my kids. Seriously, I was scouring the boards here, calling friends, complaining to my family. DDs became mouthy, sneaky and devious, started throwing fits. Oh boy. Thankfully they have outgrown it, but I have a very strong willed little one who will someday be like her sisters, most likely.

How did I get through it? I guess my attitude was the one that did the most changing. I had to realize that they were acting age appropriate and were developmentally normal. Sometimes I would even say, "Wow. It's hard to be three, isn't it?" and they'd look at me and melt, nodding in appreciation and agreement. It took lots and lots of patience, lots of creative parenting to avoid being negative all the time, and time.

Now my oldest two are delightful little girls and I have #3 to look forward to.

[Tellera]

3 may be my undoing...

The first 3 months were shocking and I had no idea how to parent anymore. I've slowly, slowly, slowly, be able to learn and keep trying new tools, because I couldn't stand hearing myself SHOUT ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

A lot of the time, my tool is to breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe.

I can actually see things getting a little better, and easier.

And it's like the Angel/Demon with the flip of some internal unknown random switch.

To modify one of my favorite quotes to describe a three year old:

"The three year old does not play legos with his parents; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."


-- --- -- --- -- ---
The original quote by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett:

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

[Peony]

I always wonder why the heck people went on and on about age 2 being so hard, it's 3 that is impossible IMO.

[fairymom]

I'd take 4 2yos over one 3 yo anyday! 5 out of my 6 are thru the 3s and I am still here (w/all my hair! ). I was in the midst of the 3s when i got pg w/baby and still am excited even knowing what is to come shortly.

My ds4 sounds just like yours and lately he has been so easy- he even helps around the house better than all the olders. Just ask him to do anything and he does it!:

6 months ago oh I just wanted to be done! TOs NEVER worked for him, he gave up his naps (no more quiet time/break time for mom), yelling and screaming- nada. I never found anything that worked everytime- I agree w/a pp who said keep trying- different things each day. I found getting down on his level and looking him in the eye when talking to him worked the best (I remembered that worked with my others too).

Hang in there!And try not to worry about your littlest- she could be less difficult- I found there was varying degrees between children.

Oh to the momma w/the 7 yo- WATCH OUT for 8! It rivals 3 pretty closely. As does 13! I just noticed a pattern for every 5 yrs! ACK!!!!! I still have 18!

[pixilixi]

Originally Posted by LuxPerpetua

... we could not start our dishwasher, flush the toilet, use the microwave, open the door with a key, pour any detergent, or start our showers without having her help us. We felt like we lived with a tyrant...

This is our life at the moment. Meltdowns also occur when:
a sequence of events pans out in not quite the right order (ds will demand that everything is undone, then done again in the proper order);
When I am pretending to be a character in ds' game, I don't repeat the script he tells me VERBATIM and IN THE CORRECT INTONATION;
When I ask him REPEATEDLY if he wants to eat the rest of his sandwich (sitting there for ages), getting in his face, showing him the sandwich etc - get no response so I throw it out - he will then scream and demand I take it out of the compost so he can eat it.

Ds turned 3 in April. Though I could strangle him at times, I still prefer it to the first year. That was the worst so far. The enjoyment of having a communicating being with a sense of humour outweighs the horrid stuff. Ask me in a few months' time though.