Parents of one circ'd, one intact - Page 2

[benj]

Originally Posted by boysmom2

: We just had our 3rd boy. Our first 2 were unfortunately circed, but our 3rd was not. The older 2 haven't mentioned it if they've noticed that the baby looks different. My DH is really worried that this will be a serious problem. I'm interested to hear other's experiences with this.

more than likely your husband will make a bigger deal out of it than your kids ever will. don't worry about it. if they ask, explain it to them. they will understand.

[Quirky]

I know two families IRL with older boy(s) circed, younger boy(s) intact. No issues whatsoever!

I do think the "matching" issue is only something adults care about, not children. My son is almost 7, intact, and has never once commented on my circed dh. When ds was younger there was a phase where we had a LOT of discussions about "Mommy doesn't have a penis. Poor Mommy!" but I seriously doubt while kids are still at an age where parents are naked in front of them that they're going to notice things like circed or intact (as opposed to size, hair, etc.)

[LaffNowCryLater]

I have one of each and it is a non-issue. My oldest (6) never said anything but I was curious if he noticed something different so I asked nonchalantly one day and he said younger ds (13 months) is missing the round part but was totally disinterested about the subject altogether.

[Greg B]

I will chime in here. I was RIC. My two younger brothers were not. This was no issue at all for any of us as far as I can tell.

Regards

[brooklyngirl]

Eldest (ten years old) is circ'd and youngest (5 years old) is not. It is not an issue at all.

[Inspired007]

[QUOTE=benj;13888611]i was having a series of problems that i could not find a solution for. QUOTE]

May I ask whether or not your problems have been resolved by your circumcision? If this is too personal, I understand.

[SageR]

My dss is circ'd and his little brothers are intact. Dss commented on ods once when I was changing a diaper (I just told he had an operation when he was born but ods didn't), but since then there hasn't peep from any of them about looking different. My ods is far more interested in the fact that I don't have a penis at all than that he and the baby's penises look different than dss and dh's!

[benj]

[QUOTE=Inspired007;13902180]

Originally Posted by benj

i was having a series of problems that i could not find a solution for. QUOTE] May I ask whether or not your problems have been resolved by your circumcision? If this is too personal, I understand.

because it is not fully healed yet, i honestly don't know. i really really hope so though. that was not something i wanted to get done, just a better option.

[THBVsMommy]

"When you know better, you do better"... is a quote a very nice woman on here said to me when I was re-living the nightmare of having my son circ'd. I was very uneducated, and regretted it the moment it happened.

I'm pregnant now and if this baby is a boy, he will be left intact.

[slingmama4]

My first two son's wre circ'd and my last two son's are not (I also have a dd). I was teen mom (17 &19) with my first two and did not want to circ, but was "forced" by my mom saying she would not allow me to live with her if I didn't "make my son's look normal." I was so confused on what to do. Four years later I got married to my wonderful husband and told him from the begining I WOULD NOT be circing any future children. Hubby is circ'd...at first he left that up to me, but now three more kids later.....you'd a thought it was his idea to leave our son's intact.

When my 3rd son was born (at home) my oldest son (5 at the time) asked during a diaper change "Why does his penis look like that?" I answered as simply as I could for him. I explained that "When I had him at the hospital they made his penis look the way it does, but now bc we had baby at home there were no doctors to make it look different." He was like Ok and moved on about it. It really was just curiosity. My oldest is 11 now and he knows exactly what circumcism is. He understands the peer presure that cane into play about the choice to circ him and why we are pro-intact now. He is such an advocate of NO_CIRCing. He says it just makes no sence to go and cut something off of a baby that God made and it isn't even bothering the baby.

My 9yo (circ'd) isn't very interseted in the whole thing. Doesn't care that his genitals are different than his younger brothers. He's 9, we don't see his genitals too often, so I there's not much time to "compare" the differences. Like my mother has always threatened they'd do.

My 5yo (intact) is very interested in circing. We explained to him what it was while playing outside in one day. He'd never noticed that his was different than his older brothers.

The other night......
His BFF is circ'd and spends the night quite often. The other day his BFF's (and his mom who is my BFF and is very pro-circ) were spending the night. The boys were getting ready to take a bath together. Apparently Gideon noticed his BFF was circ'd, so he began to tell him that you wern't suppose to cut the end of your penis off. I about died. The water was running and the mom and bff didn't hear it very well, so I quickly interupted and told DS (privatly) that ppl make different choices about their bodies and that we shouldn't make them feel bad by telling them there's is wrong. We just have to know what is the right choice for our family." He was like Ok and moved on to play in the bath with his friend. I loved that he was such an advocate about his intactness, but a bit shocked and confused on how to handle that.


As with all the decisions we make in our family, (no vaxiing, breastfeeding, birthing at home, baby wearing, unschooling, co-sleeping, our christian beliefs, and of course NO-circing) we explain to our children and give them resources to read about it on there own (when the appropriate time comes) why we make these choices. Unlike many ppl in the world who just go with what everybody does, we choose to educate ourselves on topics and choose what is healthiest and best for each our children. We don't want them choosing what we believe bc we say "do it." We want them to grow up and have the knowledge to make these choices (or not) on there own with there own children. We talk alot about everything and acknowledge that many ppl think out choices are strange, weird, or crazy.

I think the best thing to teach your children in regard to having one circ'd and one intact (or any other choice that you change while parenting) is......"When you know better, You do better."

[glongley]

Another good thread on this topic here:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1250192

[Attached2Elijah]

My 13 y.o step son is circ'd, my almost 7 year old son is not. They took many baths together when they were younger and still often change in the same bedroom... one time when my step-son was about 9 or so, he asked my husband why Elijah's penis looked different and my husband just told him "We just kept the skin on the head of Elijah's penis and your's was taken off when you were a baby".... He was fine with that answer and has never brought it up again, although I was told he asked his mother the same question and she answered basically the same thing. (Although she still thinks her decision was the better one but I don't think she passed that opinion on to him) ... My son, however, has never once asked. He knows he has a foreskin and Daddy doesn't but he's never asked why or anything. Adults definitely care more about the "matching" thing then children. They realize there are lots of things that make them look different then their siblings/peers but they don't question that so as long as they are not to made to feel like it is something "wierd", they have no reason to wonder about it.

[mistymama]

My ds who is almost 8 was was circ'd. I knew right after he had it done, it was a mistake. I swore I would never put another boy of mine through that.

So here we are, having another boy! And he will be intact. When you know better, you do better, plain and simple.

I have not worried at all about ds noticing - in fact, I'm kinda assuming he's going to notice that his baby brother's penis looks different than his. And I will explain - that when ds #1 was a baby, we had his foreskin cut off. But we now know it's not necessary, and hurts the baby very much, so we left his little brother's penis alone. Plain and simple.

[redpoppy]

This is my first post here, wow. I think it's appropriately in this forum since it was posts here that started me re-thinking circumcision just a week or so before delivering my third son. I'm very interested in this discussion and am looking for more info and stories.

So, I just had my third son and we decided not to circ after I spent a lot of time doing research on it, looking at resources posted in this forum, reading personal stories about it, and other documents about it online. My husband and I went over both sides pretty well, and in the end, he said he wouldn't mind not circ'ing him and thought that it would be a non-issue. (My husband and two older sons are both circ'd. So wish I had thought through things better with them when they were born! I truly just thought that it was 1) a pro-health measure and 2) good to be like the Dad. Gosh. You live and learn and do better afterwards, I suppose...what else can you do!?)

Now, my parents are floored that I chose not to circ #3 and think he will be traumatized as he ages and knows he is "not like his brothers or dad," especially since he's already the youngest. My dad especially is upset over it and says he remembers the non-circ'd kids in the locker rooms growing up getting severely teased. I tried to explain to them that it is different today and that more and more kids are not circ'd...but they still bring it up by asking, "Are you sure you don't want to circumcise him? It's not too late!" More than a little agitating after a while.

Even though I knew there would be some backlash from family and I tried to steel myself for it, I sometimes have second thoughts. I worry #3 will feel "left out" and that the older boys may someday poke fun at him for being the only one who is different. (My boys haven't noticed anything yet and I don't expect them to for a long time. They seem very nonchalant about that whole region.) I don't want him to someday wish we HAD circ'd him and have him asking to be circ'd just to match everyone else.

The more I read here in this forum, the more I feel confident with our decision. But I still worry just a little, especially since this is new territory for me, my husband, and apparently our entire family!

Thanks to all who have shared...! It really helps to read personal testimonies.

[hakunangovi]

Originally Posted by redpoppy

I don't want him to someday wish we HAD circ'd him and have him asking to be circ'd just to match everyone else.

Pat yourself on the back and be happy !! You have allowed your son to keep all he was born with. If he decides , as an adult, that he wishes to be circumcised - he can. You have given him the choice. But there is no reversing a circumcision - a foreskin can't be put back. I am willing to bet that should the subject ever come up, he will be very happy that you did not let anyone cut his foreskin off, and he will very feel sorry for his brothers.

Also, just to address the teasing issue - I spent all 12 years of my grade school career in boys boarding schools with totaly open communal shower rooms. About 1/3 were intact, 2/3 circumcised. I do not recall one single case of teasing based on circumcision status. It was just accepted that there were two versions of penis.

[lovingmommyhood]

This is perhaps off topic but I've been considering not going the RIC route with my next baby...I'm new at researching this so please don't tear me apart...I'm wondering, well, if your son had a problem with being intact when he was a teen would you let him get the surgery or would it only be allowable when they had the legal right to choose? I really don't WANT to circumcise, but I'm afraid to do the wrong thing and have my son be mad at me. I feel in my heart that it's wrong but I'm always doubting...same with other things...vax and what have you.

[Fyrestorm]

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood

This is perhaps off topic but I've been considering not going the RIC route with my next baby...I'm new at researching this so please don't tear me apart...I'm wondering, well, if your son had a problem with being intact when he was a teen would you let him get the surgery or would it only be allowable when they had the legal right to choose? I really don't WANT to circumcise, but I'm afraid to do the wrong thing and have my son be mad at me. I feel in my heart that it's wrong but I'm always doubting...same with other things...vax and what have you.

If he's mad at you for leaving his genitals alone, he can have the procure at anytime in the future (just like with any body modification, he would have to wait till adulthood - would you let him get a tattoo at 14?) If you cut his genitals, he can never get back what you took from him. Just ask my brother

[Quirky]

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood

This is perhaps off topic but I've been considering not going the RIC route with my next baby...I'm new at researching this so please don't tear me apart...I'm wondering, well, if your son had a problem with being intact when he was a teen would you let him get the surgery or would it only be allowable when they had the legal right to choose? I really don't WANT to circumcise, but I'm afraid to do the wrong thing and have my son be mad at me. I feel in my heart that it's wrong but I'm always doubting...same with other things...vax and what have you.

Honestly, mama, we have so many non-matching families who post here -- even those who have kept their sons intact often if not most of the time have circed husbands just because of how prevalent circumcision was in older generations in the US.

We've collectively heard lots and lots of these stories if and when boys get around to asking why so-and-so's (circumcised) penis looks different....if the topic ever comes up at all. When it's explained that the cut penises had the foreskin cut off, most boys get big-eyed and cross their legs protectively and say "I'm SO glad you didn't do that to me!"

It's just simply not an issue. Pretty much any intact boy you ask will be happy you didn't cut part of his penis off to match his dad's/brother's/grandfather's/guy in the locker room's penis. Once boys are old enough to understand what circumcision is, they can't understand why anyone would ever want to do it.

The vast majority of the world's men are intact and are just fine -- the reason you don't see a lot of adult circumcision is not because it's so painful (it's actually less painful than infant circ with better drugs during and after, and less damage done to the penis). It's because grown men know that all the moving parts are extremely pleasurable and important and they'd rather cut off a toe or an ear than cut off the best part of their favorite organ.

And no, I wouldn't pay for a circumcision for my teenaged boy any more than I would pay for a boob job for my teenaged girl -- rather, just as with any other issue or any other body part, I'd work to make sure that my child was secure and happy in his/her body and not allow them to succumb to peer pressure and bullying forcing them into cosmetic surgery.

You'll be doing the right thing letting your son make his own decision about his own body! Once you have an intact boy, you realize how much of a normal, ordinary body part the whole penis is, and how little maintenance is required. It's just simply not the ticking time bomb that the US medical profession has been brainwashed into believing.

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by Quirky

Honestly, mama, we have so many non-matching families who post here -- even those who have kept their sons intact often if not most of the time have circed husbands just because of how prevalent circumcision was in older generations in the US.

We've collectively heard lots and lots of these stories if and when boys get around to asking why so-and-so's (circumcised) penis looks different....if the topic ever comes up at all. When it's explained that the cut penises had the foreskin cut off, most boys get big-eyed and cross their legs protectively and say "I'm SO glad you didn't do that to me!"

It's just simply not an issue. Pretty much any intact boy you ask will be happy you didn't cut part of his penis off to match his dad's/brother's/grandfather's/guy in the locker room's penis. Once boys are old enough to understand what circumcision is, they can't understand why anyone would ever want to do it.

The vast majority of the world's men are intact and are just fine -- the reason you don't see a lot of adult circumcision is not because it's so painful (it's actually less painful than infant circ with better drugs during and after, and less damage done to the penis). It's because grown men know that all the moving parts are extremely pleasurable and important and they'd rather cut off a toe or an ear than cut off the best part of their favorite organ.

And no, I wouldn't pay for a circumcision for my teenaged boy any more than I would pay for a boob job for my teenaged girl -- rather, just as with any other issue or any other body part, I'd work to make sure that my child was secure and happy in his/her body and not allow them to succumb to peer pressure and bullying forcing them into cosmetic surgery.

You'll be doing the right thing letting your son make his own decision about his own body! Once you have an intact boy, you realize how much of a normal, ordinary body part the whole penis is, and how little maintenance is required. It's just simply not the ticking time bomb that the US medical profession has been brainwashed into believing.

I like the boob job scenario...if my daughter was upset over having small breasts I would just work harder to help her foster a positive body image rather than getting her breast augmentation. I NEVER thought of it that way.

Thank you!